The ground was covered with leaves, and it hided the sneaky little roots of trees, and I almost tripped several times before the lights of the castle became visible. As I looked at it, it felt strange to think that I was living in this place from now on... this wasn't me at all.
I know I have wished for a stable place, where I could always return, but I imagined a small house by the lake, with people I love and trust, not a castle full of people I never saw before. It was not like I knew how to react towards them, but my first instinct towards them was defensiveness. And I hated it... I just wanted to sleep through the whole night without having to wake up, because I heard noises... probably the fear rooted down to the torture I went through.
I tried to make as little noise as possible, but then there was the fact that I was as graceful as an elephant. One time I even dropped all of the books I had swooped up from the library just to keep my balance. Haniel turned around, and picked them up for me. When I reached my hands for the books, he refused to give them to me, saying that I will be faster, if I only have to concentrate on my own balance.
I needed training again. That was for sure. I was out of shape, and that was dangerous.
We crossed the gates, and when the front door of the castle opened, warmth radiated from the inside. It was welcoming after the crisp cold of the forest. Haniel gave me back my books, and left somewhere.
Everyone in the hallways were staring at me: I could see the judging in their inhuman eyes. They weren't looking at me, like I was someone they feared, or looked up to. I was a stranger, a freak. These people were exactly the opposite of what Haniel had told me.
I gripped my books tightly, and tried to avoid their eyes as much as possible.
"Spirit!" - I herd my brother's voice. Ariel came running towards me, and closed his arms around me tightly. - "Oh, thank goodness, I thought something had happened to you!" - He was clearly upset. I still wasn't used to being surrounded by my brothers, who were probably the most caring people on this planet.
"No, no... I just went to fetch some books.." - I murmured. I was still self conscious about the people around us. They were whispering, and pointing at us.
"Please, tell me where you're going next time. Maybe I can help you... and then we won't freak out."
"We?" - I didn't understand at first, but then Cassiel appeared behind Ariel, and basically squished me in his arms.
"I was so worried!" - He whispered. I pushed him away and took a step back. I was thankful o have my brothers back, but I also had enough a little bit.
"Guys, stop. I can take care of myself." - I hurried away. At the hallway, where the door opened that lead down to the dungeons, where Joel was, I took a second to think, but then I realized that I was way too tired to do anything that could possibly help him, so I just ran up the stairs to my own room. I shut the door closed, and dropped the pile of books on my bed.
I peeled off the bloody sweater, and the skinny jeans, then every other piece of clothing, and showered in the steaming, hot water. I didn't notice how cold I was until the water touched my skin. It felt like molten lava, while I perfectly knew that it was the temperature I usually shower in.
I washed my hair, and as i rubbed in the shampoo, pink foam began to come from the side of my face; the blood that was smeared on my neck must have gotten into my hair as well.
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When I was all clean, I put on a loose, grey t-shit and light blue sweatpants.I know I acted a little unfair towards Ariel and Cassiel, but they do not know how I feel when others are watching me with judging eyes, thinking that I was a mad girl with nightmares, and a highborn father... and then they just come, and prove them right because they act like I was self-destructive, and unstable.
They didn't know how it felt to be pitied by strangers...
I was laying on the couch, when someone knocked on the door. I sat up, and walked to the door. When I was just about three feet away, they swiftly opened, and Morgen stepped into my room.
"Are you insane?" - He grabbed my shoulders and shook me.
"I don't know what you mean, but you are certainly not the only one thinking of it." - I murmured.
"Those woods, that library... that isn't part of Skydown anymore. It is filled with demons - bad demons - and you didn't have any weapon with you!!"
"Okay, first of all I had a dagger." - I began, but Morgen immediately cut me off.
"Yeah like that's gonna save you if a herd of demons attacked you!" - He threw his hands in the air. Since he released me from his firm grip, I kicked the door shut.
"Secondly," - I continued without bothering about hos commentary. - "I didn't know those woods weren't part of Skydown. It wasn't my idea to go there."
"Who sent you there?" - He asked, and grabbed my shoulders again.
"Chill out, Morgen. She is a friend of mine, and she came with me." - I said.
"Who is it?" - His voice was frightening.
"It was Onyx. A girl I met in the postaquam."
"Lilith's daughter..." - Morgen was raging. He pushed me away, and I fell on the bed. He punched the wall so hard that some paint from the ceiling began to fall, like snowflakes. - "I should have known! Who else would bring you out there?!"
I stood up, and now I was angry as well.
"She isn't like Lilith!" - I shouted.
"You know nothing about her!" - He shouted back. - "You know nothing about her, nor her mother. You have no idea about how the law works here, nor about what it means to be the daughter of a Princeps. You don't have the slightest clue about the things some of these people could do to you!
This isn't the human world, and you have to realize that. Morals don't mean shit, and if your existence is a bother to anybody, your life is in danger. Murder, rape, torture, kidnapping, and all that humans afraid of is an every day matter here. How long will it take you to come to your senses? You try to play all tough, scaring the shit out of a superior angel, and shit, but when it comes down to the real danger, you are nothing, but demon bait." - Morgen walked up and down, gesturing with his hands wildly.
I should have been relieved that at least one person saw my true self after all, not some fearless princess, who will burn up the world, and everyone in it.
Surely, there were the people, who thought I was mad, and they mourned my sanity, but surely, they still feared me. Not Morgen. He knew perfectly, that anyone could kick my ass easily.
But it still made me sad...
"They took my sister, and I know what they did to her." - I said in a low voice. - "They killed my mother, and tore my family apart. They killed Rider... They took many people away from me, and I only managed to save one, who still suffers." - My shoulders shook. I felt like darkness crawled to the surface as I stared at the floor. It dug its razor sharp claws into the hole, where my heart used to be, and began to widen the wound. - "You are right, I don't know much about this world, or the people in it... but I am forced to be part of it. So what do you suggest I do?" - I looked up at him, tears filled my eyes.
He came up to me, and cupped my face in his rough hands. They reminded me of Rider, and that scared me. Morgen and Rider used to hang out a lot together... they even used the same cologne, and they were partners when they lived in the LA institute. Their eyes sparkled with the same flares when they were angry, however the color of their eyes weren't exactly the same: Morgen's eyes were like the summer sky at noon, not aquamarine, like Rider's.
"This is a cruel world. They will take everything you ever loved." - He whispered. My heart was beating faster... my body reacted instead of my mind, and my arms reached up without me being able to stop myself. I pulled him closer, and kissed him. Our lips collided, and the feeling of his soft lips on mine almost felt like I was kissing the man I really wanted to be with me at the moment.
It was a harsh action from me. Deep down, I knew that no matter how similar they might be, Morgen will never be Rider.
I think Morgen felt that I didn't really mean that kiss, and perhaps he didn't even want me to kiss him, because even though he didn't push me off, he didn't pull me closer, nor returned the kiss. Just stood there, and let me kiss him.
I backed away, and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold the mental wound together, that gripped my throat tightly with tears and the urge to cry.
"I will never be him. We both know that." - Morgen said in a low voice, like he read my mind. - "So save us the trouble, and never do this again."
"I am sorry... It's just..." - I sighed.
"Spirit, I know it hurts, but I am not Rider. So please, don't kiss me, or do anything like that as long as you search for him in me. I don't wanna be a poor replacement." - He shook his head. A teardrop rolled down on my cheek, but I quickly wiped it of.
Morgen came up to me, and hugged me tightly. - "Hey..."
"I am really sorry..." - I sniffed.
"You are stupid, and I am used to that." - He smirked. - "A really dumb, naive, stubborn, miss know-it-all..."
"Can we just forget that it ever happened?" - I asked with a half smile on my face. He laughed silently. If he weren't hugging me, I couldn't even tell, that he was.
"Well, it is easier said than done." - He said. - "But I think that it's the best for both of us."
I climbed into bed, and Morgen tucked me in. He sat at the edge of the bed, and told me that he will be my bodyguard from now on, and that he will make sure that someone was around me 24/7 from now on, because it was clear that I can't take care of myself properly.
It was useless to complain, because we both know that there was truth behind it all.
I didn't notice how tired I was, until the dream world sucked me in suddenly. I think Morgen was talking to me still, but his voice just faded, until silence wrapped around me, like a thick blanket.
That night, I dreamed of sky-blue eyes turning into aquamarine, and golden light with bright, white feathers flying in the wind. It was peaceful, and the only sound to be heard was the flap of wings.
I woke not long after sunrise, and Morgen was still in the room, but he was on the phone. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and he had PJ pants on. He sat on the couch, and blankets and pillows surrounded him."No, I am not telling her shit, and you perfectly know why." - He said angrily, but in a low voice. - "I know that you can't come here, but it's you she needs, not me.... obviously, I wanna tell her, but i am not going to... if she would know, she'd drop everything on the spot, and ran after you... we both know that's not a good idea.... yeah... I know... screw you, I am not a messenger; come here, and... yes... can you just listen for a sec?... look, I know it sounds suicidal, but Michael is dead, and maybe there is still a chance that they would capture you, but it's very unlikely... no, the gossips are wrong, she killed no one... Sephiel isn't that mean... okay, but come as quick as you can. I'll fix up a meeting as soon as I can... preferably in secret, gotcha. I'll see what i can do.
You owe me great time. Just in case you wondered, Spirit kissed me... no, I refused her, for the same reason you are not coming out from your little hideout: I am trying to protect her." - I sat up, and he hung up immediately.
"Who was that?" - I asked.
"Oh, just a friend of mine." - He cleared his throat, and threw his phone on top of the sheets, and clutched his slim fingers together.
"What was his name?" - The way he said he refused me to protect her made me wonder about the identity of this person. Obviously, he knew who I was, so I became curious about who he was.
"....Bob." - He said after a short pause.
"Bob?" - I asked with plain disbelief in my voice.
"That's right." - His ears turned slightly pink.
"O-kayyy..."
"I have to go to the bathroom." - He quickly disappeared behind the bathroom door. Of course I took advantage of the situation, and swiftly sneaked to the couch, and fished out his phone from the pile of sheets.
I opened the call history, and when I saw the name, my heart basically stopped beating. It was written there, black and white... the date under it proved that it was truly the last call he had made.
But it could't be possible...
I gasped for air and dropped the phone back onto the sheets. The name was there...
Rider Vower
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