That just tipped off my scale. I could have handled if they just give me a post in the Sub Consilium, without making me the heir, but it was too much for me.
"I will step back." - I said out loud the though that was in my mind ever since that Damian guy pointed out who I really was for the Consilium, and what was my assigned position. All I ever wanted to do is find my sister. I didn't want to be some sort of leader they can follow...
The night sky was filled with sparkling stars, but the air was cold, and I had left my cape in the meeting hall. However I decided to remain outside, because I didn't know how I could I turn these things around, and go on to my main goal.
There was also another problem: Joel. His condition was bad, and he was at that state because of what I have done to him. Of course, he was a live, but being that sick was worse than hell, as I imagine. I wrapped my arms around myself, and bit my lip. There was so much I was supposed to do, but so little that I was actually capable of doing. I heard footsteps, and when I turned around, Damian was coming towards me. His skin looked like it was glowing in the moonlight, but as he walked, his feathers reflected the light in a faint, gold gleam.
"Hello, Princess." - He said. There was no smile, no happiness in his eyes as he closed the distance between us.
"Hey, Damian." - I said. He sat down beside me, and flicked his wings a little. I cleared my throat. The air was stiff between us, because actually we didn't know each other at all. - "Can I help you?" - I asked.
"Nah..." - He said, and put a cigarette between his porcelain white lips. I couldn't help, but notice that his feet were clean of dirt, which could only mean that he flew here. The silence was heavy on me, and I felt uncomfortable.
He didn't say a word, just t lit his cigarette, and took a deep sip from it, then blew it out. The smell of burning tobacco surrounded us. I stood up, and brushed the dust off my butt. - "People started to notice you." - He said as he looked up. - "They see you as their savior, a role model, the hero, who will stand up for them."
"I know what they think of me, but they don't know the truth." - I mumbled.
"Oblivion, my dear Princess. That rules the poor, and the weak." - He took another deep sip. The ember on the tip burst into golden light. - "They don't want to see that you are ordinary, if not weaker. They have waited so long for their hero, that they would accept anyone by now." - His golden eyes were searching my face.
"They will realize that I am not a leader, nor want to lead anybody." - I shook my head.
"That's too bad..." - He dropped the butt of the cigarette, and stepped on it with his bare foot, then stood up. I was at the level of his shoulders, and he looked down at me. - "When the crown will be heavy on your head, it will be your responsibility to make the choices of the Sub-Consilium."
"That might be so, if they put that heavy crown on my head at all." - I answered. It was hard to sound tough, when you have to almost break your neck, as you are trying to look into their eyes. He smirked. The feathers on his wings ruffled in the wind.
Damian was like a porcelain doll with his white skin, and golden eyes. His skin was so white, that the shadows on his skin looked rather blue, than skin colored. His body didn't radiate any heat, nor cold, for that matter. It felt like he was only there in my mind, like a vision, but his body wasn't present. - "And what does a guardian like you has to do here in the consilium anyways?" - I asked.
"I have my reasons. Not really your business though." - He said, still looking down at me... literally.
"Then since when is my right to succession your business?" - I sighed. My breath formed a small, white cloud in the cold air. As I was staring at him, it felt like I was staring at a statue. The only thing that made me sure that I wasn't was his chest raising and falling as he breathed.
"It's everyone's business. You are the successor, and even if many of us don't like that, we have to accept." - He sighed.
"You don't." - I said. - "I don't want to be heir. I think my brother, Ariel would make a way better successor than I ever would." - Damian seemed surprised by my confession, but he wasn't pleased.
"Your brothers are indeed popular with the people, they are charming, royal - they are princes after all... but they are just dumfucks, who can be manipulated." - He lit another cigarette.
"Don't I look like a dumbfuck as well?" - I asked, with my voice way sharper than I wanted it to be.
"Oh, you are a special kind of stupid." - He said, with his face dead serious. - "But the lords fear you. They see a girl with huge powers, and incredible talents... unlike them, I know that for fact that you are not that kind though... you let go of Michael when his life was in your hands..." - He held a little break to smoke his cigarette. - "If you kill him there at that moment, your sister will be back in Skydown by now, safe and sound."
"I appreciate your honestly, Damian, but I have enough troubles as it is. I don't need to listen to my mistakes from someone else as well..." - I said. What he had said about Iris pierced through me, like a sharp dagger. It was painful to hear. He was just so blunt...
"Is that so?" - He smirked, and as his lips parted a thin line of smoke rose from within. Damian wasn't exactly good looking, even with the perfectly shaped upper body, and the sharp cheekbones. He looked more like a doll, and his way of holding himself was somehow different than anyone I have seen. His long fingers caught a small lock of hair from my pony tail, and wrapped it around the porcelain skin. - "I have to tell you, I was surprised by the way you talked today front of the consilium. I almost believed that you would make a good leader."
"Almost." - I echoed.
"Obviously!" - He flipped his wings lightly, creating a small breeze.
"What do you truly want from me, Damian?" - I asked, because I realized that we have been talking about the absolute nothing for the past twenty minutes.
"I was buying time for the people." - He smiled, and began to walk away.
"What?" - I was so confused. Buying time? For what? Why? He topped, and glanced back at me.
"Look up." - And then, like lightning, he vanished. I looked up, and I was horrified by the view. Millions and millions of creatures covered the sky, only they left the moon shine bright. I wanted to scream, but the fear was so intense that the scream froze on my throat, and I was just gaping like a fish.
I began sprinting towards the building, but I tripped thanks to my high heels, and fell on the rocky path. The pebbles and rocks scraped the skin off my palms, and the beautiful blue dress got dirty and torn in the fall. I kicked off the pumps, and tore off the bottom off the dress, up to my knees. I glanced up at the cloud of demons above my head, and one of them glanced back at me. It screamed, and the sound froze the blood in my veins. I wanted to run, but then I noticed that the demons flew right in the building, breaking windows. I had no weapons, and I was barefoot. Everything that I needed to survive was inside the building. But I couldn't go back there. The screams of the people, who got stuck inside, and were being murdered by the huge herd.
I looked at the building, and then the edge of the forest nearby. I glanced back at the building, and saw a tall figure being pushed to the balcony. Long, white hair surrounded his broad shoulders, and his blue satin clothes reflected the moonlight.
Ambriel, my father was standing there. A demon forced him to his knees, and tore the back of his clothes open. A pair of white wings spread out. Two other black demons grabbed his white wings, and twisted it off, then pushed him off the balcony. He fell on his head.
I screamed, but a hand covered my mouth. I tried to fight it off, but whoever the hand belonged to was too strong for me. I wriggled in the strong grip, I wanted to run, and just hide in a bush, and cry. Ambriel and I didn't have the best father-daughter relationship, but he was still there. Now I was an orphan.
I had brothers, and I had a sister. Now, my sister was lost, wandering this world in complete madness, while my brothers were inside that palace. The palace that supposed to be perfectly safe. My strength left me, and I just wanted to collapse, but those strong arms held me tight.
"Come, I will escort you to safety." - A husky voice murmured. It was unknown for me. A stranger, who promised safety... but did safety really exist anywhere in this world? Was there a place that would be safe? Seemed like a white lie to me.But did I have a choice? No, not really. So, I just nodded. The hand slid off my mouth, and released my arm from the tight grip. I turned around, but all I saw was a tall figure, covered in a black cape. I could tell that he was covered in tattoos, and that he had a nose-piercing, but that was about everything I saw of him. Obviously he wasn't someone I knew. He spread a cape just like his on my shoulders, and pulled my hood on.
"Where are we going?" - I asked. He fixed my hood, and cleared his throat.
"I will tell you, just hold on tight, okay?" - He gripped my hand, and before I knew it, the world was spinning around us. Darkness embraced me, numbness, and I welcomed my dear old bubble of madness that kept me away from feeling sorrow and pain.
***
“Memory loss is one way of coping with damage.”
― Jeanette Winterson, (Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?)
But that is only temporary, and we are forced to wake up eventually. And that had happened to me as well. Seemed like it became a habit of mine to pass out, or be knocked out in the most dangerous situations, and wake up when it's already all over.
The light was shining bright above me, and as my eyes opened my vision was blurry for a second, and I saw a figure standing at the end of my bed.Glimpse of golden hair, and a flick of aquamarine eyes. That could only belong to one person in this world.
"I thought you might never wake up." - He said in a low voice. His tone was like molten chocolate. I looked up at him, and it was like I awoke from a bad dream. - "Rico told me you passed out on the way here, but you have been asleep for two days. Did you hit your head?"
"No... I don't think so" - I murmured. - "I was just on my way to Seattle, but then something had happened." - I tried to recall what had happened, but I only caused a terrible headache.
"On your way to Seattle?" - He pulled his brows together. - "Spirit, do you know what date it is?" - He asked.
"I guess about May... I don't know the exact date though." - I sighed. He looked more troubled than I have ever seen him. I sat up, and stood up from the bed. - "Why, did something happened? Have you found Iris?" - I asked.
"No, Iris is still missing." - He answered. - "But it seems like you have lost your memories of the past five months. It's October. And you were brought here, because Skydown was invaded by demons." - He said.
"Skydown? That city where my brother lives? Is he okay?" - I asked. - "What had happened in the past five months?" - I asked.
"I haven't been present for most of the time in your life for the past five months... for serious reasons. Please, forgive me, but I cannot tell you what had happened." - He sighed. I took his hands in mine, and pulled him closer to me. I wrapped my hands around him, but he felt stiff in my hands.
"What's wrong?" - I asked as I looked up. He cleared his throat , and turned his head away. I took a step back. - "I know I didn't tell you that I was gonna leave the Institute, and I am truly sorry, but it was for your safety. I didn't want you to get hurt."
"Oh my god, this is so wrong on so many levels." - He mumbled, and rubbed his eyes. - "Spirit, we have already discussed that. You went to Seattle, and a couple days later I ran into you in the apartment of the Severio Brothers."
"And you are not mad at me for not telling you?" - I asked.
"It was a half year ago - almost. I'm over it really." - He smiled, but his smile was sad.
"Is there anything that happened that I should know about, and you could tell me?" - As this question left my lips, the door on my right flew open, and a short girl with long, straight black hair ran up to me with her arms wide open, and hugged me so tightly that I could barely breathe.
"Thank god, you are awake! I was soooo worried!" - She held me away from herself and looked me up and down. I was so confused. - "How are you feeling?"
"Who are you?" - I asked. The smile froze off her face.
"What do you mean who am I?" - She glanced at Rider, then back at me. - "Don't you remember me?" - as a response, I could only shake my head.
"She lost her memories. The last one she has is when she was on her way to Seattle, which was about a half year ago." - He said.
The girl cupped my face in her small hand, and shot me a sad smile.
"I am Onyx. We are friends." - She smiled. Her eyes shone with a wicked light that was friendly and dangerous at the same time. As I looked at her face, I felt like I knew her, but I couldn't put her anywhere. I nodded, and then looked back at Rider.
"Where are my brothers?" - I asked. - "If I was in Skydown, like you said, then I must have met both of them, not just Cassiel. Where are they?" - Rider licked his lips.
"Cassiel is in the LA institute, negotiating with the consilium members, Ariel is kept as a captive in Hell-Blossom." - He said. Terror flushed through me. I didn't know why, but I felt like Ariel was in great danger. I felt headache coming, and I squeezed my hands on my ears. The pain was terrible, and I couldn't help but cry out. Rider grabbed my shoulders, and pulled me to his chest, and hugged me.
I was gaping for air, and pictures flashed through my vision of black blood, needles, burning, and bloody teardrops. I was trembling as I looked around. Rider stroked my arm comfortingly, and kissed my forehead. I was happy to be there in his arms, and I felt safe... Someone knocked on the open door, and cleared his throat. We all looked up at the same time, and two guy stood at the door. One, I knew. He was Morgen. The other was tan and blonde, but he was unfamiliar to me.
"How is she?" - The blonde guy. Onyx stood up, and walked to him, then grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out. Morgen came in, and sat down on the chair by my bed. He looked worn out, plus he was full of wounds.
I pulled away from rider, and climbed off the bed. I was in a huge white t-shirt and white shorts. I went up to Morgen, and looked at his wounds. There was a deep cut on his shoulder, and one on his face.
"What happened?" - I asked.
"I just arrived from Skydown." - He murmured.
"I'm surprised you even got out." - Rider spat. It was unusual to hear him talk like this to Morgen, since they were best friends. There must have been something that had happened in the past that I do not remember of.
Green flames burst from my fingertips, and I began healing Morgen's shoulder, but Rider pulled me away, and pushed me on the bed. - "Stay in bed. He doesn't need your help."
Rider's voice was harsh, and he shot a murderous look at Morgen.
"I don't know why are you so mean to him, but he is my best friend." - I said as I stood up again, and continued healing him. From the corner of my eye, I saw his hand coming. Wasn't sure if he was going to hit me, or just simply push me back on the bed again, but I turned towards him, and caught his hand midair.
I loved Rider, but this person just didn't felt like him. My grip tightened, and the green flames slowly turned white. I could smell burning skin.
"Spirit, let it go." - Morgen said. - "I better go." - He stood up from the chair, and began to walk away. I let go of Rider, and reached after Morgen. As soon as my fingertips touched his lower arm, like lightning, memories flushed into my mind.
I was standing in a huge room with luxury furniture, and great windows. Morgen was standing front of me, his face worn out, sad, but his eyes glittering with a strange light.
I reached up, and kissed him. He didn't kiss me back, but didn't pull away either. For some reason that made me sad, and feel guilty inside.
"Please, don't kiss me, or do anything like that as long as you search for him in me. I don't wanna be a poor replacement."
The picture changed as I gasped for air.
We were standing in the same room, and he stood before me the same way. The time was different, it was on the morning...
"Why should I believe you? This is absurd!" - I said. I felt very upset, but at the moment, I didn't know why.
"Because I love you." - He said. I knew he meant it when I looked him in the eyes.
I was back in the present. Standing there, holding Morgen's hand, while he turned his back on me. Hot tears were running down on my cheeks. He didn't move, but didn't want to look at me at all. My head ached, and my heart too. I was very confused, because I grew to realize that I must have hurt so many people in the past half year. I didn't understand half of the memories, but I saw that I have betrayed Rider, and Morgen at the same time.
Morgen's hand was warm, dry, and rough. It felt comforting, but I felt guilty for that. I knew that I could love Morgen. I could imagine myself laying beside him in bed, and cuddle with him... I could imagine myself giving him a good morning kiss, and I felt terrible for that, because at the same time I felt weird when I looked at Rider, like something was off.
His hand slid out from my grasp, and he left the room.
"You burned me." - Rider said. I turned back, and on his wrist, there was a huge red mark.
"I don't like to be pushed around." - I murmured, and climbed into bed. I pulled the sheets over my head, and turned my back on Rider. I didn't want him to be there. I didn't want anyone to be around me until I figure out who the fuck did I become...
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