"What'cha doin'?" - Morgen asked as he came closer.
"Who did you talk to on the phone?" - I asked. My voice shook as I tried to pull myself together. - "Please, tell me the truth. That's all I want."
Morgen looked at me, and I could see in his eyes, that he didn't know what to say. We just stared at each other, and all I could think about was who was this person, and who was that person on the phone with him. Was Morgen really someone I could call friend? He taught me how to survive, he was there for me when I needed him, but how much of that was really the truth.
"Is Rider really dead?" - I decided to choose another way of asking my questions.
"You looked into call history." - Morgen noted. I nodded. - "Oh, for Christ's sake..." - He dug his fingers into his hair. - "I didn't want this... damnit."
"You didn't want what?" - I shouted. I felt my stomach tighten. - "I have been searching for a way to get him back, to repay my dept to him, to find a way back to him, and you all made me believe that he was dead. You all just stood there, watching me as I slowly destroyed myself!" - I felt anger boost through my body, and I just wanted to punch something in the face.
"I didn't want to lie to you, okay?" - Morgen shouted back. - "I didn't want all this! I told Rider that he needs to tell you what's up, but he didn't listen to me."
"Why, what's up?" - I put my left hand on my hips, and wiped off the messed up mascara from my face with my right hand.
"Rider is not who you think he is." - Morgen bit his lips. - "He wanted you to go back to him to put a statement out there for the consilium showing that even royals commit sins. He isn't celestial. He belongs to the demonics... he Rider used you for your name, he wanted to show how weak the royals are in the consilium to the people who belong to the celestials."
"That's not true. He saved my life... several times. He was worried about me." - I didn't want to believe it.
"Did he have you then? No." - Morgen pointed a finger at me. I had a sudden urge to smash his face. - "On the postaquam, it wasn't him laying dead front of your eyes. That was Marcus, his cousin. They looked identical, don't they. Even the consilium didn't notice that they didn't capture the right person." - I thought about the corpse. The way he looked... extremely identical to Rider, I have to give him that.
However it was hard for me to believe that there is any truth in what he was saying.
Why would he do that? And why would he do it to me?
"I don't believe you." - My voice was shaking.
"See, that's why I didn't want to be the one to tell you." - He threw his hand in the air. - "I knew that no matter how I try to tell you, you would just brush it off. I knew that you won't listen to me, if I say something about your precious lover." - He basically spit the words.
"Why should I believe you? This is absurd!" - I felt betrayed, hurt, and I couldn't tell if Morgen was lying, or I should be regretting everything that I ever felt towards Rider. The way Morgen looked at me while he told this 'truth' made me scared that he actually wasn't lying about him using me to state a point.
"Because I love you." - He mumbled. What he said hit me like lightning.
"What?" - I whispered.
"I am not gonna say it again." - He shook his head. - "All this time, I perfectly knew what he wanted to do, but I didn't do shit to stop him, because he is my best friend, and you're just a stupid girl, who happened to be his next target. Then I got to know you, and somehow using you became something that pissed me off to no end. But by then, it was too late.
He already had the plan going for him just fine. And you wouldn't have listened to me by then... I tried to get closer to you as a friend, to make you trust me more than you trust him... but obviously, there was no hope that you might actually consider that he didn't want anything form you for real."
"I have seen his every memory. I have seen everything... there was nothing that seemed suspicious." - I said. He smirked, and licked his lips.
"Did you ever consider that he might be able to block some memories from you?" - Morgen asked. Now that would make sense, but I just didn't even want to consider the fact that I had been used.
"I have a power fragment that is identical to Rider's. If we meet, and he is able to use his powers, I will believe you. But I need proof, you have to understand that." - He nodded, but as I looked at him, I couldn't help, but see a wounded beast. He confessed to me, but all I cared about was if Rider is a liar or not. I didn't know anymore what to do. There was just so much pressure pressing my heart, that I couldn't put his confession to anywhere... however, I still had one more question about this whole mess. - "If you really feel the way you say, why did you reject my kiss?" - He was about to walk out from the room, but he turned around just a little bit, not looking at me, just to make me see he had heard my question.
"Would you really wanted to be with a person, who only replaces someone else with you?" - Morgen asked. The guilt struck me across the chest like a deadly arrow. - "You didn't kiss me, because you feel the same way about me; you kissed me, because I remind you of Rider."
Truth. Right there. Painful to hear, and made me sound like an awful person, but that was the truth. I just hoped that maybe he didn't fully understood my feelings about that kiss, and that maybe he rejected me because of something else, like he didn't want to hurt Rider... well, guess not.
"Do you hate me?" - I asked. He shook his head."No. We love who we love." - He put his hands in his back pockets, and finally turned around to face me. - "I just don't want you to get hurt in process, even though I know you will... and that I can't do anything to stop it."
I couldn't say a word. There was noting I could say to make it up to him. Tell him I love him too? No, that would be a huge lie. He was my friend, someone I looked up to, and counted on... I knew that he would always be there if I was in trouble. But I felt speechless... Morgen never acted like he liked me at all, he mostly treated me like I was an annoying little girl who somehow became his friend too.
He was at the door, his hand on the doorknob.
"I don't wanna lose you." - I whispered. That was so unfair of me... that was like an ultimate bitch move. I wanted to just hit him in the head hard enough so he will forget everything that had happened in the last couple of minutes.
"You won't." - He opened the door, and disappeared behind it. He was lying, I could tell... I had already lost him when I choose Rider, but did Rider really betray me? And was I really that naive to fell for it so easily? Where was the knowledge of my ancestors now? Didn't they store any information about lies and boys? Was that really too much to ask?
How can I tell other than comparing this power fragment? If we got to that point where I had to pull that card, it would be too late.
***
I went back to bed, and pulled the blanket over my head. The door slowly opened, and Cassiel stepped into my room. He was holding a book.
"Hey sis." - He called. I just murmured that I was alive, and turned to my other side. I had enough of males, and their un-understandable behavior. Cass came closer, and sat on the side of my bed. - "What's wrong?"
I sat up, and covered my face with my hands. For a second, I was considering if I should tell him what had happened, or not... but then I decided to tell him, because after all, he was a man, and he was thinking like a man, so he must understand men.
I told him everything.
"I'm so gonna kill that guy." - He murmured.
"Morgen?" - I asked.
"No. Rider." - He answered. - "I am so glad I punched that asshole..."
"I am actually not sure, if Morgen is telling the truth..." - I added.
"I know Morgen for quite a while by now. He doesn't lie, if it's not necessary... and I know Rider a little too; we met a couple times when I was attending meetings in Institutes. He is... annoying." - Cassiel put the book aside. - "if you meet him, and it turns out that he was lying, please never consider forgiving him." - He said.
"I never said I want to - " -I began, but he cut me off.
"Yes, you did. Subconsciously, at least." - Cassiel sighed. - "I know that you are a good person, Spirit. Maybe too good to be part of this world. But you have to understand, that there are some people in this world, who don't think the way you do, and they see instruments of their plans in people, not actual individual beings with emotions, a heart, and a soul."
"I know that." - I said, and I looked at my hands.
"But you don't accept it." - He pointed out, like he knew me better, than I knew myself. Which was probably true... however that scared me, if I thought about how little time we spent together, because that meant that I was an open book for everybody.
"I'll try." - I said. He messed up my hair. - "Hey!" - That made me smile a little.
Cassiel was not around most of the time, because he was a messenger after all, and he had a job to do, so I didn't know him that well, but it felt like I didn't need to get to know him, because somewhere deep inside, we had a bond that cannot be broken. I knew that Ariel didn't believe that they would ever find me, or that I would survive in this world long enough for them to find me.... but since they did, he was there for me most of the time. I loved Ariel with all my heart, but I looked at Cassiel differently. Ever since he was assigned as a messenger, he was searching for me. The only person in the family, who believed in me, and that made me feel like he was the only person in the family - other than Iris - I could trust fully, and he was more than just a family member. He was my brother. It sounds horrible, but I didn't consider Ariel as my brother, or Ambriel as my father... they were just family members I never really knew that much.
Of course, I appreciated that they stood by me when I was screaming in pain, but they left me as soon as they thought I will stay alive. They never tried to understand me, because they didn't feel the need.
But Cass did.
"I brought you this book about spiritual bonding. This is about people like you... nephilims with soul whispering powers." - He handed me the book, and patted my shoulder. - "I think you should check out the city. You never actually saw it. It's not that different from the human world you know."
"What do you mean?" - I asked. Everything looked like it was brought here from the medieval era.
"They have coffee." - He said.
"I'm in." - Coffee was the magic word in my dictionary. I know most of teens these times are addicted to coffee, but honestly, they got nothing on me. I could live on only coffee and biscuits - and yes, I would be the fattest person known to mankind, but let's just skip that part.
Cass smirked, and pulled me out of bed. He kissed my forehead, and pushed me towards the wardrobe.
"Go get dressed, I will lead you to the cafe nearby. I have to leave the castle today, but I think I have enough time to bring you there." - I grabbed a shirt and a pair of jeans from the closet, and threw a cape like blanket over my shoulder. Skydown was located north, so it always felt a little cold. I wasn't used to this, because the place I grew up was always warm. I have never seen snow before I came here, and I never imagined it to be so harshly cold.
That must sound stupid, since I have seen ice - in a cubed form, but never actually had to handle one until my fingers basically froze off.
We hurried down the tiny streets, and the light of the sun reflected on the shop windows all around. It kind of looked like how I imagined the downtown of Paris. Cass suddenly stopped at a small shop with black walls, on the outside, and creme colored ones on the inside. The counter was wooden, and the whole place smelled like coffee heaven. I looked up, and the name of the shop was Auburn Bakery.
When Cassiel opened the door, a small bell rang. A young girl came appeared. Her skin was light caramel, and her eyes were the color of creme. Her hair was black, braided in a tight french-braid at the back of her head. When she saw us come in, a wide smile spread across her full lips. Little, needle-like fangs were in her mouth. I took a step back, but Cassiel pulled me closer to the strange girl.
"Hey Bat, this is my sister." - He greeted the girl. What a weird name... okay, why was I confused by her name when she had fucking creme colored eyes, and fangs? Oh my god, I was bad at focusing.
"Hello dear, I Betty, but everyone calls me Bat." - She cocked her head to the side. - "So what name do you go by?"
"Spirit." - I tried to smile, and not tremble in fear.
"Ah, what a beautiful name." - Her smile was warm, but scared the shit out of me at the same time.
"Spirit, Bat is a werewolf, and she was born in LA, and lived in the LA Institute for quite a while, I guess about five years, right?" - Cassiel turned to Bat for a confirmation.
"Yes, about. I was twelve when I got there, and now I'm here, working in a cafe. It feels kind of strange." - She admitted. - "I thought I go back to finish school, because even though they educated me in the institute, I really don't know much about humans... but with my looks, it would be frightening for them. Sometimes it's like I don't even belong here, or there...." - Bat looked sad as she said this, which I could totally understand. The education in the Institute was mostly about fighting, and magic, not really about social studies, and actual science. Suddenly I felt connected to this girl. I put my hand on her shoulder, which not only surprised her, but also surprised me.
"I know that feeling, when everyone looks at you, like you don't belong. No one should feel that way." - I smiled at her, and she smiled back.
"Now that you guys are all friends, I have to leave" - Cassiel interrupted, totally ruining that moment. Oh senseless men. - "Bat, please write her coffee and everything she orders on my account. I will pay when I get back." - Cassiel kissed my forehead, and left the cafe. I looked after him until the streets swallowed his figure.
"You have a very nice brother." - Bat said as she walked back behind the counter. - "I know him since we were little kids. When he lost his mother, it was like a world collapsed in him... all he could talk about was revenge, and killing those men."
"I feel the same way." - I admitted, which again surprised me, not only her.
"Aren't you guys just half-siblings? I mean you look very young... and his sisters were murdered, as I heard, so you can't be like... siblings, can you?" - She was confused. So only the nobles knew that I was alive.
"No, I am his sister. We share mother and father, and they only tried to take my life as a baby, but they never succeeded so far." - I told her. Her creme colored eyes widened.I sat down at a table, where the wall was painted bright blue and opened the book. This cafe amazed me. Everything warm, and then boom, there is a bright cold colored corner. I didn't understand the purpose of it, but that corner pulled me, like a magnet pulls a bobby pin.
"So... uh, what can I get for you?" - She asked.
"Do you have a cappuccino?" - I asked. I didn't know how far can I ask into the human drinks, after all, this cafe belonged to the magic world.
"Um... this is a little more complicated here, than in LA." - She confessed. - "We do have cappuccino, but several kind, each one to fit a certain taste of creatures. For example, we serve one that was made with blood instead of water to the ones, who have demon blood running in their veins." - Goosebumps of disgust ran down my spine.
"Don't you have just a simple latte? Like human coffee? Maybe?" - I asked hopefully. She smiled at me, and held up her index finger.
"I know what you need. You are a nephilim, right?" - She asked.
"A grigori, to be exact, yes" - Bat's eyes widened, once again. - "Well, not that I live up to this title though." - I tried to make it sound better. I forgot that in a celestial city, people don't really like the ones, who swing back and forth between being a celestial and a demonic.
I became a grigori by planning on dealing with demons to get my sister back, but I never actually got to the point where I was doing the dealing part. So, I really didn't understand, why I became a grigori after all.
Probably another bullshit from our beloved consilium. Honestly, I began to understand Rider's intentions to flip off the consilium by taking a highborn's virginity. I didn't want to believe that it was true, but I was thinking about it more and more, and if it was true, I would understand.
Wouldn't forgive for what he had done to me, that is, but I would understand.
Bat put a coffee front of me, in a tall glass, and on the top, a symbol was drawn on the cream. The whole cup was flaming with golden flames.
"You are crying, are you okay?" - She asked. I didn't even notice that the tears that I didn't know I had left began to roll down on my cheeks. I quickly wiped off the unwanted tears, and pulled the coffee closer to me. The smell was amazing. The last time I drank coffee was months ago, in Seattle, that Stephen made.
"Yes, Bat, thanks for the coffee... but how am I supposed to drink it, if it's on fire?"
"Oh, the flames are the angelic essence in the coffee, it won't hurt you. Do you want a straw?" - I nodded.
Now, whit the straw in my coffee, I sipped into the flaming drink, and the taste took me by surprise. It tasted exactly like normal coffee. Actually, it tasted like Stephen's coffee. I didn't know if there was purpose of it, but the taste made me feel like I was safe again, back in that apartment in Seattle, alone with Stephen, joking around, he sipping my coffee, and I could almost feel the taste of his pancakes in my mouth.
It was like this coffee brought me back in time, and I was at the step, where everything went wrong. If this coffee could actually bring me back in time, I could stop so much pain, and death, and just go off on my own, saving the trouble for the Severio brother, and I could slip out from Rider's plan. I could run away, and I could just go after my sister alone.
Maybe I would end up dead in a very short time period, and I would never meet Ariel and Father, nor Onyx, or Bat, but I think it would worth it.
I wouldn't be standing in this situation, where I was at the moment. If I could just go back to that day, when I marked Joel. I would never go near him, I would never mark him, I would do it so much better this time...
But no matter how magical that coffee be, even that can't bring me back in time to change the present, to erase the mistakes I have made.
There was no way, and I knew it.
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