You Can Wash It Off

The bloody tears, and the demonic reflection in Remiel's eyes wasn't me. But it wasn't Iris either. It was just some kind of illusion, however the pain was real. The blood was real... just the fact that both of us -Iris and I - were loosing ourselves was too much.

Floating in that blackness, I could see Iris's face front of me with the bloody tears. It floated just inches away from me, driving me mad. I tried to close it out, but sometimes she cried, or screamed, due to the type of torture she was going through...

Someone was screaming, but the voice was grotesque, almost animal like. It wasn't Iris... I tried to relax and shut it out, but it kept sneaking into my bubble, pushing towards the surface of consciousness. I didn't want to wake up, because there were bad people, bad pictures, bad visions, sorrow, pain, troubles, and worst of all I would have to tell people what is happening to me.

I would have to tell them why am I screaming.

The truth is, it wasn't me screaming. Of course the voice came out from my mouth, but it wasn't me who was being tortured. 

Sometimes, when the pain was so incredibly intense that it almost woke me up, I could hear voices. Voices talking.. 

They mostly told each other to hold my hands tighter until they can put the cuffs on me, or saying that it would be better if Ambriel didn't let me suffer, and just killed me out of mercy.

Sometimes when the pain became unbearable I almost agreed with them, but most of the time, I could shut out the pain. At those moments, I wanted to wake up and tell them I am still here, and it's not me who is yelling and screaming through my mouth.

Of course, none of them would care. None of them knew what was going on. Only my family members knew why did I kept myself unconscious, and screamed even though I was asleep. They knew, and they hated the situation. 

One time, Ariel sat beside me. At that time, Iris was giving me a break so I wasn't crying, screaming, shaking, nor whispering stuff I didn't even know what it meant. They were in latin, and i didn't understand. Anyway, at that time, I was actually calm, and from the outside I must have been looking like just an average girl asleep, not a mental wreck.

"Spirit, I don't know if you can hear me..." - he began. At first I wasn't sure at first if it was Cassiel, or Ariel, but when he continued, it cleared the situation. - "I think this is probably the worst possible time for me to introduce who I am. Cassiel have talked about you so much since he met you, but ever since you arrived in Hell-Blossom, I never had the chance to talk to you. I am your other brother, Ariel." - he taljed for hours about how he remembers of me being a baby, and that he hates that we had to grow up so far from each other. He talked about how Ambriel was so pessimistic about the search for Iris and me. He went on and on, but eventually his voice began to fade as I began to sink back into the depth of my mind, because I could feel that Iris was coming for another Screaming Concert.

I felt Ariel kiss my forehead, and a couple minutes later Iris began to shout. She was screaming something about butterflies with burning wings. I didn't understand, and there was no way anyone did.

And then, as the days passed, Iris took over fewer and fewer times, until she didn't appear anymore. To be honest, I hope she finally found peace, and left this world, because after a torture like that, she must have mental disorders at least. I know I sound mean, but I felt her pain, at least some of it, and it was clear that the pain was most likely more unbearable since she experienced it from first hand. 

Just un case, I remained asleep for three more days.

But Iris didn't come anymore. As I tried to get to the surface of the darkness, I felt soneone holding my hand.  Warm hands, big and rough. Whoever it was, he held my hands tenderly with one hand, and stroked my hair with the other. The door opened and closed, and I heard footsteps.

"Lord Ariel, You should be up in your chamber. This area is off limits for everybody except the medics during the night." - A voice said, and I felt the hand tighten on my fingers. It didn't hurt - after all that torture I felt through my sister, I wasn't even sure of what was painful, and what was just a touch... there were great differences of what I found painful, and what my sister did. Obviously, she was way tougher, and stronger than I was. 

I tightened my grip on his hand as well, so he could feel that I didn't want him to leave me here alone. I was afraid in the silence, because even though I could wake up fully if I wanted to, I was still defenseless with my tied arms and legs. 

Ariel now held my hands with both of his, because he clearly thought I was going to have an attack again. I haven't felt Iris for three days, and I really wanted him to stick around, so I could tell him that I have heard every tale, every story, every memory, every wish, and every secret he had shared with me. I wanted him to know that I have missed him, even though we have never met before, I wanted to tell him all about me, and tell him that I am thankful for him talking to me, because like that, I didn't feel like I was alone with Iris in that terrible place, and I think Iris felt his presence as well. But then sadness took over my heart... I couldn't feel or hear Iris anymore. She was gone. There was a great chance that she died, but I couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't able to find her.

"Let me stay by her..." - Ariel whispered. - "She needs me."

Ariel understood me through just one squeeze on his arm. The person left the room without another word. We were alone again, and Ariel began stroking my hair again.

"Three days ago." - I whispered out loud, which surprised Ariel so much, his hand stopped midair. - "I can't feel Iris." - I slowly opened my eyes. I felt tears rolling down on my cheeks. Ariel wiped them off, and for the first time in days, my tears were clear. No blood, just salty water. 

"I know." - Ariel said, and unclasped the fetters on my hands and legs. - "Some days after you told Father that Michael was behind the disappearance of Iris, and your screams became unbearably painful, he sent his men to search Michael's residence. They found him dead in the basement, and just like you said, there were terrible instruments of torture. But Iris was gone. When they came back, no more screams left your mouth, and you haven't cried in your sleep either."

"Why can't I feel her?" - I asked, and I pulled my legs up on the bed. I was shaking, but I wasn't sure why.

"Our men found several bottles full of demon blood. Most likely, Michael injected the blood into Iris." - He said. 

"Yes, that's correct. It burns..." - I twitched to the vivid memory of the acidic demon blood spreading through me.

"Now, you might not know this, but demon blood eats up the angelic blood, and pushes out the human blood, replacing it with itself, turning the person into a Full-Fledged demon. The process is painful, and it's very rare that the prospect of the experiment survives this procedure. Usually, the prospect bleeds out way before the demon blood has the chance to replace the lost amount." - Ariel pushed his glasses a little higher. He licked his lips nervously - "After bleeding out, the prospect becomes a monster, with no control. So, either the person becomes a Full-Fledged demon, which means she keeps her memories, some of her humanity, morals, and she has feelings, but evil will leave a mark on whatever she does, or she becomes a monster, with no limits, just blood lust. The prospect of such an experiment never dies, but can lost her soul during the time. Considering the fact that she had been missing for quite a while by now; about a month, it is possible that she is a Full-Fledged demon by now, and that's why she had the power to broke out, and murder Michael."

"But you don't believe that." - I whispered as I realized that he was saying this whole thing so unsure. - "You think she bled out too fast, don't you?" - He just nodded. I covered my eyes, and felt the tears roll down my cheeks, but I wasn't sobbing. I couldn't. - "What will happen to her now?" - I asked.

"Right now, we let her be, but if the patrols note that in their area she appeared and killed, they have the right to illuminate her as fast as they can." - He sighed.

"You said the demon blood eats up the angel blood, and pushes out the human blood. So why can't I feel her? She must be still suffering." 

"It's most likely has to do something with the blood. Even though you still share similar DNA codes, the blood is fully different. She is now a demonic being, while you are an angelic Grigori. You can't feel her, because she isn't our sister anymore." - I didn't know how that worked, but I was sure that my biology teacher would be even more confused about this, since he knew how DNA worked/ I just knew that this couldn't be right. 

And then, a thought that haven't crossed my mind up until now spread across my head.

"Does Stephen know what had happened to Joel?" - I asked in husky voice, because my throat was ached, I wanted to cry, but I knew that I had no right to cry right now. Joel died because I was stupid, because I couldn't control my powers, because I am an amateur. 

I was curse, and he had to suffer for my mistakes. 

"No, but Father called the consilium together to discuss Michael's case. Since he is dead, Razziel will take his place. She is a Throne. Darren is part of the Sub-Consilium, and since he is coming, Cassiel asked him to bring Stephen along, because we have news that he should hear as well."

"I want to tell him." - I sighed. - "It is my responsibility."

Ariel just nodded, and then stood up. I looked up to him, and I saw his reached out hand. 

"Come on, I show you to your room." - He said.

"Isn't this my room?" 

"Are you kidding? This is in the dungeons." - He smiled. I took his hand, and he pulled me up, but I fell, because my feet couldn't hold me. My ankles were swollen, and red from the fetters and bruised as well. Ariel reached down for me, and helped me up again. He didn't pick me up, just helped me walk.
We were walking for quite a while, and my bare feet basically froze off because the smooth stone floor was sold as ice. After about twenty minutes, we stopped front of a door, and on this level, the floor was not stone, but wood, and looked more like it was from this century.

"Is this is?" - I asked hopefully.

"No, this is Cassiel's room." - He said. - "Yours is between his and Iris'. My room is right beside her room, so I will be right here, if you feel Iris again, or something else's wrong. Father's room is at the end of the hallway, but he is usually not there, but in the hall where the Sub-Consilium holds the meetings. I will show it to you tomorrow, alright?"

"Yes." - We walked me to my door, and gave me the key.

"Until you figure out how to close out the others from your head, you shouldn't lock the door when you are alone inside." - He suggested, and I nodded, however it was clear that I wouldn't accept the advice. There was no way I would sleep with an open door while I am here. I know a wooden door won't hold back my enemies, whoever they might be, but it gave me some peace.

I opened the door, and Ariel left me there to explore it by myself. The room was a bit too fancy for my taste, but it was better than I expected. In my mind, I had this picture of medieval rooms in a medieval castle - fuck logic, right? But, I was wrong, and the room was actually very nice, and modern.

And there was a bathroom!!! I had been aching for a good bath for a while by now, and I finally had the chance to shower, and scrub off the blood from my hands. Not just mine, but Joel's and Rider's blood was still there. If not on my hand, then under my nails, or stuck in the corners of my nails. Just knowing that their blood was on my hands made me feel I just have to scrub it off, because then, maybe the responsibility won't be so heavy on my shoulders. Of course, that was stupid, because even though their blood will no longer stain my hands physically, it will be there mentally, and I will remember this for the rest of my life, hating my stupidity, and carelessness.

I wished that I could make this right. That I could turn this avalanche of events into something good. But could I really make up something to someone who is already dead out of my mistake? Probably not.

I could feel the arms of powers reach out from the inner core, and wrap around my body protectively. I could feel him there in those arms. Rider was there with me, even though I only had a bit of his essence in that shard of power that I inherited from him through our bond.
The water in the tub was hot, and as I scrubbed my face and hands, the foam of the soap became pink from the blood. I felt disgusted of myself. The shame, the mistakes, the guilt... that I cannot scrub off no matter how hard I try.

I sat in the bathtub until the sun began to rise. The water was freezing cold by that time, but I couldn't care. However, the sight from my bathroom somewhat scared me. There was snow on the mountain sides, and countless of pines.
I have to admit that I have never seen snow before in my entire life. That was an unknown thing for a southern girl, like me. Of course, I have seen it on TV, and read about it in textbooks, and such... but it was just as unknown for me as magic used to be.

I slowly raised my hand from underwater, and stared at my wrinkled fingers. Thinking about that I have felt the warmth of Rider's skin, and high-five-d Joel after jokes... that with these hands I have changed their lives, and not for the better... it was just terrifying. I heard a faint knock on the door.

"Yes?" - I called out, as I reached for my towel to get out from the bathtub.

Cassiel opened the door just as I wrapped the towel around myself. He let out a relieved sigh.

"You look much better now." - He pointed out.

"Iris' pain is gone, yes." - I said, but I couldn't look Cass in the eyes. He didn't understand that all the things, terrible things that have been happening around here were my faults. I was the one to blame for the deaths of at least three people. Plus there were the ones who were killed when the demons came to kidnap Iris... I don't even know how many of them are there... and then, just to expand the list, there is the slave who got me ready for the postquam... I don't know what had happened to him, but even if not out of my fault, he was suffering. To me, he had a name, and I could connect that name with a face, and a kind gesture towards me. He was an honest man... and there is that girl I was supposed to fight: Onyx. I never got to know what had happened to her after I passed out either.... what about Haniel? Did he survive at least? Or Morgen?
The fact that I have been ignoring these names and mourning over only two, made me sick. They were humans as well, and they all lent me a helping hand, and I just ignored them. How selfish can I be?

"I am glad to hear that." - Cassiel smiled, but I shook my head.

"You shouldn't be." - I whispered.

"What?" - To is confused tone, I looked up.

"So you have no idea what happened, do you? Michael is dead, and Iris is gone. By the fact that I do not feel her pain means that either she became a full-fledged demon, or worse, but doesn't matter, because either way, she isn't our sister anymore." - My body was shaking, and not just because I was cold. A hot teardrop rolled down on my cheek. - "You don't understand!" -I yelled. Cassiel came up tome, and put his hands on my shoulders, but I shook him off. - "I failed her! She asked me to help her, she begged me!" - I sobbed.

"You did everything you could." - Cassiel said.

"It wasn't enough!" - I sat down at the corner of the room, and covered my face in my hands, and just sobbed. I wasn't enough to find Iris, nor to keep Rider safe, and sure as hell not enough to escape the fatal meeting with Lilith that led to Joel's death.
Those three names again. Just like waltzing: One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three.
Maybe I was going mad.
Another figure appeared at the doorway. Short, with long, dark hair, dressed in black clothes. She came up to me, and pulled me up from the ground. Standing up, I was already taller than her by 9 inches at least. She slapped me, but not too hard: just strong enough to pull me back to the present.

"I had enough of your whining! Where is the girl, who was standing there in the arena with me? Where is the girl, who summoned her beloveds' soul, and called them to life? Where is the girl, who turned against the consilium?" - She yelled at me. Her words struck me like lightning.

"That wasn't me." - I murmured. The truth is that Iris was there when I was in the arena. She was present in my head, moving my body instead of me. I had a mental breakdown after Joel dying between my hands, and the feel of Rider's cold body. - "The girl, who asked you to kill her... that was me. The girl, who is standing front of you... that is me. This is me. I am no hero, nor a rebel... I have been trying to fit into this madness, but I can't!"

They both stared at me. Cassiel with sympathy, and Onyx with disgust.

"So you just gonna break down, and wander around in the rooms of Skydown for the rest of your days, like a Zombie? That is your great plan?" - Onyx asked. That actually was my great plan, but now that she said it out loud, it sounded like I was terribly weak, and there was no point for my existence.  And was there anything that wasn't true in what she was saying? No. She was right from the beginning to end.

"I don't know what else is out there for me." - I admitted. - "I have to get away from people. The ones I know, and the ones I don't. I can't control my powers, and everyone, who gets to know me better ends up dead. I don't want that!" - I felt like a little kid, after a terrible nightmare. I have never felt so useless in my entire life. Not even when had to begin my training with Morgen, and I failed over and over again. - "There are people I love out there, and they need to get away from me..." - I whispered. I wanted to know what had happened to Anouck, and Morgen, and all the people I have left behind... like that vampire girl I met in the Institute, who had to face the consilium as well. I was mortified, because her name had already erased from my memory.

"That's not how it works." - Onyx sighed. - "If you can't control your powers, then maybe instead of moving to a place where you can't see anybody, and can't hurt anybody, you should try training."

"Onyx is right." - Cassiel joined the conversation, but we silenced him with just one, synchronized glare. He raised his hands and backed away towards the door. - "Okay, I get it: Unwanted brother in the girl-zone. I get out."

I looked back at Onyx. She was already glaring at me.

"It isn't just you, who went through hell. There are a lot of us, who experienced great pain, and unlike you, we had it from first hand. Yes, you have felt the pain, but your mind only digests some of the information it gets. I have had a fried, who had your powers: the mind-transfer thing. It's called soul-whispering. You can learn to control it."

"My problems are not with the soul-whispering. I have a power to force others to share their powers with me, and bond them to me. That's why a shard of my friends' power became mine after they died. They were both bond to me by accident at one point, but I have unleashed both of them from the bond. I can't even imagine what Michael would have done to someone who was bound to me at the time he met me. Thankfully, there was no one at the time." - I mumbled. - "The real problem is that I cannot decide who I am bonding with. To some point, I can use it, but after that point, the power decides for itself. For example, Joel, the hell-light was not my choice."

"So how does your power decide who does it wanna bound with?" - She asked. Clearly, I have her attention.

"So far, by physical contact, like a handshake, a slap, a kiss, or stuff like that." - I said. As soon as I said it, realization ran through me. Rider and I were bond again... currently bond when he died... and that's why I had the vision of his death.
The night we spent together, he knew what will happen. He knew that he will be bound to me, and when it was sealed, the bond warned me of the death that was just around the corner while we were clueless, sleeping. - "Oh no..."

"What happened." - She asked. I touched the feather necklace. It was warm. There must have been a reason why he wanted to bound us together again... there must be... right? Rider was a clever man, and he didn't do anything without a reason.

"Is there a library here?" - I asked. I have found answers to many questions in the Institute's library before, so there must be some information about soul bonding in some books...

"I don't know." - She smiled at me. - "But you start to look like a living creature, not a zombie. Get dressed, and we will find that library."

What she didn't know was that now I was worried about serious damage in the soul. Not mine, but his. That can cause serious issues in the whole soul-cycling thing.... at least I knew that damaged souls are bad for the environment... or the system... or whatever. I knew this, because my ancestor did. Spiritus, to be exact. I was lucky to be in touch with her, even though she only sent me feelings, and I could never actually talk to her.

I have never felt this much need for a mug of hot latte machiato in my entire life.

Bloody Tears

My mind was empty, and my body moved without my permission. I sliced through the air with my rune stone sword, and cut the arrow midair into two halves. It fell on the ground beside me, and I stood up.
Anger began to fill my chest, and I was shaking. 

"Is that what you call freedom?!" - I narrowed my eyes on Michael. He looked like he was having fun... My hands tightened into fists, and that's when I heard it for the first time: a loud roar, unlike any animal known by humans. More like the roar that is made by computers as the voice of dinosaurs and dragons. 

I looked at Joel's body, and I saw blood red steam on his skin, not quite touching him, but it was just a quarter inch away from him. The steam was coming from the cut on his throat. I heard the roar again, and flames burst from the deadly wound. Everyone held their hands front of their face, to protect themselves from the heat and the strong light, but I walked towards it, and slowly, the flames took on the shape of a Dragon. Joel's dragon.

I reached my hand towards it, and as soon as I did, cool hands hugged my body. I knew that power

as well. For a moment, I felt like Rider was hugging me, but it was just a small second... but it still made my heart skip a beat. The dragon circled around me for a while, and then wrapped around my waist and rubbed its bug head against my shoulder. The dragon was burning my skin, but I didn't care. I unclasped the lockets that protected my shoulders, with the ridiculous, wing shaped armor, and dropped it on the ground. I stroked the big head of the dragon. I felt like Joel and Rider was there with me, and they wanted me to stop this madness that was going on here.

"Seems like the Princeps girl is able to fight." - Michael announced with a huge grin on his disgusting face. I wished that I could go up to him, and cut his face from the edges of his mouth to his ears so he could smile forever... that thought scared me, and for a second I gasped for air after my sinister thoughts. But then hatred surfaced again as he laughed when I almost dropped my rune stone sword that looked like it was carved from crystal.

"Michael, do you wanna be free?" - I asked. - "Of course, I mean free the way you meant to set Onyx free." - Ambriel - my father - stood up, and Cassiel appeared at his right, Ariel on his right. (I knew which was which, because Ariel had glasses.) But Michael just laughed like this was the best joke he have ever heard. Clearly, he didn't see the dragon on my shoulders, which was roaring so loud that most of the people in the arena had to squeeze their palms on their ears. 

"You are not in the position to kill me." - Michael laughed. I swung my arms towards him, and fire burst from my wrists, hitting the throne just by his head. I have to note that I missed on purpose. Joel's dragon roared again, and slowly the smile froze on Michael's face.

"But you are a nephilim, you have angel blood in you... You are not supposed to be able to control fire..." - He was thinking out loud.

"I am not." - I confessed. - "The fire is Joel's doing." - As I said out loud, everyone was staring at me with strange eyes. I could understand, after all, the boy was lying on the flat stone floor, and he was dead... but his soul and powers were still alive, and that's something that Michael couldn't digest. I threw my hands in the air, and the dragon spread it's wings wide. The flames were blindingly bright. The cool hands were protecting me from the incredible heat that the fire dragon radiated. I felt happier, but I couldn't change the fact that most of them were dead... at least I had part of them with me. - "You can kill the body, but you can never touch the soul!" - I shouted, and I felt the crowd move as one. Onyx beside me looked at me with the reflection of the fire dragon in her eyes. I reached my hand for her, and she took it without a question. We were allies. No doubt about that. 

I picked up my blades from the ground, and took a deep breath. It felt slippery, because my hands were covered with Joel's and Rider's blood. 

"Laws cannot erase blood." - Onyx repeated my father's words. - "Neither the blood running in your veins, nor the blood that stains your hands." - She wasn't saying that to me, but I felt like she was. My hands began to shake, and then a vision of Michael standing up pointing a finger at me, saying that it was all my fault. It was... without him saying so. I dropped on my knees and squeezed my hands against my ears. 

"Get out!" - I screamed. When I looked up, I could see Michael looking at me with stratification. There was no doubt: he was the one trying to mess up my head. I forced his thoughts out of my head, and stood up. 

Before he could realize what was going on, I flung myself towards him, and stabbed the crystal sword into his throne a half inch beside his head. Our faces were just three inches apart, and his eyes were wide, his pupil was as small as the tip of a needle, and he was breathing heavily... he was afraid of me. I heard Onyx cut down two guards, who tried to get close to their Lord to save him.

I wiped the blood from my hands on his cheeks, and white clothes, but something inside was telling me not to kill him. 

"You are a monster." - He gasped.

"Pretty ironic to hear that from your mouth." - I said, but my voice surprised even me. It was the sound of a demon, the sound of a real life monster. In the reflection of the blade of the crystal sword, I saw my face, and it was scary. My pupil grew larger, and my iris was light red, and the white part of my eyes turned black as well. I backed away, scared of myself, right into Ambriel, who grabbed my shoulders. Then, he cupped my face in his hands, and stared deep into my demonic eyes. 

"Spirit, my dear child..." - He said in a small voice, unable to believe what he was looking at. I felt Joel's dragon retreat into the depth, but he was still there. Only Rider's powers remained on the surface. 

Some guards ran to Michael, but when they tried to touch me, Ambriel shot them a warning look. I was shaking again... I was the broken, hurt girl, who collapsed in the arena after seeing her friend, and her love die. I was that weak girl again, who just wanted someone to end her sufferings, and let her die. I wrapped my arms around myself, and began sobbing. I was loosing my mind. I didn't know what was I supposed to do anymore. I have seen such terrible things in the past couple months, and today was especially awful. I sank deeper and deeper into the depth of my mind, but then someone began shaking me. 

I opened my eyes, and I saw Cassiel above me. I was laying on the ground, and I could only see a blur. I only knew that Cassiel was above me, because at the time, when we met for the first time, I carved every detail of him into my memory. He was talking to me, shaking me, but I just couldn't hear him. 

I felt like I was floating in a bubble of pain, and my chest hurt like someone stabbed me and cut my heart out. My lungs ached for air, but it was too hot, and tasted like salt and dust. I began coughing, and Cassiel lifted me up. Everything was spinning around me.

Did I turn into a monster because of Joel's dragon? Or was I the monster myself? I didn't know... I have read that when you are not sure about things, start listing the things you are sure about... 

I am Spirit. I don't know if I am Meadows, or Princeps, or Glimmer. I am 17 years old, and I am the daughter of an Angel. My sister was taken. Full-Fledged Demons are after me. I am not sure who I am, nor what I am. My lover was killed by the Consilium. My friend was killed by the Consilium. I want to find my Sister.... That's it! I have to find Iris. That is my goal. 

Cassiel picked me up, and my mind blacked out.

***

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

The human life seemed far away from me, felt like I have left it behind centuries ago, however it have been barely 7 months. Now I was in peace, floating between death and life, and I didn't know what pushed me into this state. But I was calm, and this place was relaxing. 

Everything was black, and I couldn't see... all I had to think about was to breath in, and breathe out. sometimes I felt a pinch on my arm, and after that, sometimes people visited me here. I didn't know if it was just an illusion, or reality. But one time, a kind face appeared.

She was wearing black, and her dark hair floated around her like she was under water.

"Iris..." - I called her. She smiled and reached her hands towards me. I took it, and she pulled me closer, then her eyes turned into the demonic eyes that appeared on me, and she began crying. Instead of tears, blood run down her cheeks, and she tightened her grip on my hands.

"Help me!" - She sobbed. 

I sat up in bed, gasping for air, and my body was covered in sweat. I was laying on a huge table, carved out of one piece of stone. I still wore the black dress I did on the postquam. I touched my cheeks, because they were wet, and when I looked at my fingers, they were covered in blood. Joel's and Rider's blood was already dried on my hands, they were almost black. 

That's right.... They died, and it was all my fault.

By now, not even crying tears terrified me. was just a breathing shell of the Spirit I used to be. I have lost my sister, Joel, Rider, and who knows who else was executed while I was passed out. 

This was my second nightmare about my sister, when she was asking for my help. She must be in great danger, I could feel it. 

But this dream also answered a question: How the monster broke to the surface. This wasn't me, but her, who wanted to take Michael's life. Even though he had killed Rider and Joel, and was a major asshole, I didn't wish for his death, and wiping blood on someone else's face was clearly not my style at all. There must have been some kind of connection between Iris and Michael. And there is only one way to figure that out... If I could mark him, then I could look into his memories, and find out why does my sister tries to kill him through me.

But that was not all... how could my sister contact me? And why doesn't she tell me where she was? Then, it would be so much easier to find her. If she keeps asking me to help her, I just go mad, because I know that she is in danger, but I have no idea why and how can I get her out of that awful place where she was taken.

A memory struck me like lightning.

I was tied to a table, chains on my legs and wrists. I have fought against them, my skin was tore under them, and the iron was rubbing against the raw flesh. Every move hurt. 

Then, he came into the room, in his white shirt and pants, his wings spread out wide. Michael was an angel, but a terrible one.

"Are you comfortable?" - He asks, and grabs my face. - "I have something for you."

With that, he stabs me with a needle on my arm, and inject the dark liquid into my veins. It feels like acid eating up my veins, and I scream. 

The memory kicks me out. These were not my memories, but most likely Iris'. That's why she wants to kill Michael. They say Lucifer was an angel himself, but then he fell, and became a demon. In Michael's case, he was still an angel, but with the mind and heart of a demon.

Just because he was the highest ranked angel, no one even considered him being evil. Everything he did was 'right'. 

I stood up, and walked to the wall, and touched the polished stone. It was cold, and as far as I could see, there was no doors, but one, and only one window above me, which was about 4 stores above me: there was no way I could leave unless they let me out. 

I bet they close me into this place because I almost killed the head of Consilium. It's funny to think that the man who is the lord of life and death, who decides who can survive, and who shall die is so weak and mentally fragile. 

The people who closed me in here left me a change of clothes in case I wake up... a white t-shirt and grey spandex shorts. Well, at least not medieval clothes, or gladiator stuff...

 

I walked to the corner of the room and sat down. 

The strange visions of Michael torturing Iris continued for hours with smaller breaks. After an hour, I was screaming in pain. Maybe this whole soul transfer stuff was not as great as everyone thought it was. 

The wall was cold against my skin, and I looked at my palm, where the pentagram used to be that connected me to Joel. There was nothing, but a huge, shapeless wound remaining. But I still had Rider's necklace, and when I touched the feather shaped medallion, it warmed up. It was his last feather, and he gave it to me to protect me. Back then, I didn't know this, and up until not so long ago, it was just a lucky charm that I didn't remember.

But now, this was the only thing that remained from him... this was all I had left. I gripped it with both hands and cried. The blood stained the white t-shit, but I didn't care. Crying blood perfectly matched how I felt.

Terrified, broken, hopeless, lost... 

But suddenly the door flew open and a familiar figure walked towards me. I didn't recognized it first, but the floating, long white hair, and the weird looking clothes eventually popped the puzzle piece into place. 

He knelt down front of me, and mopped up the blood from my face. His clear eyes were full of sorrow, and I couldn't tell why.

"Where am I?" - I whispered.

"In Skydown." - He said, not much louder than I did. - "They say you have lost your mind, but what I see doesn't prove their point."

"I am sane." - I whispered, but as soon as I said the words, suddenly, I wasn't sure. - "Is it possible that Iris is in pain, and I feel it as well?" - I asked, and watched him begin to mop up my freshly dripping blood-tears. 

"It is." - He sighs. - "Is she hurt?" - As an answer, I just nod. She is terribly hurt.

"She wants me to find her." - I whisper, but I can't look at my father. He just mops my tears repetitively, and the cloth that he is using becomes more and more bloody. - "Michael is hurting her..." - I continue. Ambriel's hand stops midair.

"What..?" - He takes my chin gently between his index- and thumb-finger, and forces me to look into his eyes.

"On the postquam, it wasn't me who attacked Michael. At least not mentally." - I whisper, because I realize that I am unable to use my voice. - "Iris was turned into a monster by Michael. It is all his fault."

Ambriel closed me into his arms, and rocked me back and forth, like I was a little, terrified girl. In some ways, I was. My whole body was shaking, and I began to understand why people thought I was mad. Since the postquam, the world around me became like a nightmare. Seeing Michael flipped a switch inside me which forced me through a channel several times into my sister's mind. 

And whenever she got hurt, I felt her pain. 

I felt as the acidic demon-blood ran though her veins..I felt how it ate up the angel-blood, and burned the lungs with every bit of air that Iris could breathe in.

I felt the needles that Michael hammered into her palm, and the terrible cuts he did to form a pentagram on her stomach...

Deep within, I knew that whatever he was doing, he was doing it wrong. You were not supposed to carve pentagrams yourself, they are supposed to form by themselves during the ritual... but what can an angel like him know about black magic.

While Ambriel was holding onto me, a new vision sucked me in, and when I got back to my own body, I was screaming and shaking, gripping my father's clothes so tight that my nails cut holes into the fabric. 

"It's alright, I will find a way to make it stop." - He whispered.

"You can't..." - I cried. I pushed him away a little, and sat in the opposite corner. I looked up at him, and the truth burst out of me. - "I am the soul whisperer in the family, not Iris."

Ambriel's eyes widened, and I could see him processing the information. I was shaking so hard that I couldn't focus on him anymore, and my brain was unable to take more torture in, so I just passed out... soon, I was back in that dark, peaceful place. All I wished was that this time, no one will visit, and I didn't have to wake up.

The Price of Freedom

As I looked at the black fabric, I felt serious urge to just throw my hands in the air, and just cry. There was no way I could fight while that thing was on me.

Anouck clasped the golden chain lockets of the golden wings on my shoulders.

"I can't possibly fight in this thing!" - I complained, but as soon as all the clasps were hooked, the wings felt like part of me. if I raised my arms, they bent, as if they were made of the same fabric as the dress, but when I touched it, it was hard as metal.

"This is a very special material, which is not known by the humans." - Anouck explained, and pulled my hair up in a tight ponytail, and fitted a thing gold chain running from my hair to my forehead, like a crown-like piece of jewelry. - "Like it or not, you are a Princeps, and even if they want you dead, they wouldn't let you dress otherwise but how they see it fit."

"Sounds like I am the lamb that they dress up before a sacrifice to make it pretty enough to please the gods..." - I mumbled. Anouck didn't answer, just worked on my hair mutely. He braided some strings of hair, and then he took out a make-up palette, but I told him to put that away. - "I am no lamb." - I whispered, and grabbed the long-sword from the pile of weapons.

"You shouldn't go against their wishes." - Anouck sighed, and fastened the strings of my shoes. He stood up, and put his hands on my arms. - "They will do the worst thing possible to you. Not Lord Ambriel, he wishes for your freedom, but Gabriel, the head of the Consilium. I don't know why do they hate you, but there is no chance for you to get out from the Arena alive."

"You underestimate me." - I said. - "I have a mission, and not even God can stop me!"

Anouck nodded, and he picked up a sword as well. - "Let's practice with the clothes, so you can get used to the feeling." - I nodded, and he came at me, but with very light strokes. I blocked them, but made sure I never actually cut Anouck. When I had an open chance, I just slapped him with the flat side of the sword.
Sword fighting wasn't something I earned. Of course, Morgen and I practiced with them but as soon I picked up the blade, I knew what I have to do. I imagined that maybe the soul of Spiritus taught my muscles how to move, and she whispered to my feet where to step. That could explain, if we consider that she was a great warrior, who took over the land, where Skydown lays now.
Anouck suddenly stopped, and sat down on a small bench carved out of white marble. I swear everything in this castle was way more expensive than it could have been.

"God damnit!" - He covered his face with his palms.

"What's wrong?" - I asked. He looked up at me, and his eyes were already red.

"I know your opponent. And I really don't like the chances that this little practice showed." - He said. - "I am sorry, I didn't mean that you should die, I just..."

"I understand that you want your friend to win." - I lowered the blade, and sat down beside him. - "That's totally understandable, you just met me a half hour ago."

"She isn't exactly my friend. I know who she is, and..." - His cheeks turned red.

"You like her, don't you?" - I felt mixed feelings. I felt sorrow mixed with awe. Anouck nodded, and I was left speechless. I have never felt this bad in my entire life. I would immediately hate someone, who was about to kill Rider, and there was no chance I would dress him up, and practice with him beforehand. I mean that sounded like total nonsense...
But Anouck was different than I was. He was a good person, and I wasn't exactly the idol of the Grigori race. - "I am sorry to put you in this situation."

"It's not you I'm mad at." - He whispered. - "You are actually quite different from the person I expected."

"Am I?" - That was a surprise.

"Yes... I mean you are a Princeps, and they are one of the most important clans in the viewpoint of the consilium... plus there were rumors that you were arrogant, and argumentative." - He said.

"Who said that? I don't like arguing at all..." - I mumbled.

"There is a guard here, who used to know you." - He smiled at me.

"Who?"

"Morgen Chronos Washington." - He said.

"Ah, that explains it. He was my trainer, but there was only a short time period when we actually get along well... we did fight a lot though, I have to give him that much." - I smiled. Anouck looked at the direction towards the door, and a familiar figure stood by the door.

"Hey you stupid fuck." - He greeted me. I just rolled my eyes, but then I stood up, and ran to him. We hugged each other tightly, and I could smell sunshine, sand, sea, and sweat on his skin. His hair was shorter now, and unlike on an average day, he actually wore proper clothes, not just cut t-shit and jeans or sweats. He looked strange... to me at least. - "You are sitting chin-high in the shit, you know that, right?"

Oh, the good old Morgen, not caring about using proper language, as always. - "I know, but thanks for pointing that out. However I would be doing better if you wouldn't spread rumors like I am a basic bitch, really. "

"That might be true, but it was funny to see your face when Anouck mentioned it. I heard that you are a Grigori now. How did that happen?" - He asked. I just shook my head.

"The question is rather why are you not in LA." - I raised an eyebrow at him.

"After Remiel let over ten Full-Fledged Demons inside the institute?! Are you kidding me? Anyone with a brain would've left that fucked up house." - He shook his head. - "Hell, I wonder why haven't the consilium captured Remiel yet." - My throat went dry, since I knew the answer.

Because the demons were on the celestial side. They work for the consilium. I sighed. The puzzle pieces fell into place, when the whole memory-transferring shit came up in Seattle. So basically I figured out that there would be no way any of the celestials would just close their eyes over the fact that a leader of an institute, who is supposed to be protecting the people, who live in the mansion, let in a herd of demons... unless it was the order from a celestial. It was pretty obvious.
At least that what I came up with. To me, it seemed like a reasonable thought.

"That remains a mystery to me..." - I lied.

"Anyways, I came for Melchiorre, we have to leave, because soon, the gates to the arena will be open." - He pulled gently on my pony tail - "If you lose this, I will be mortified as your trainer." - I could see that behind the smile, his eyes were sad.

"I won't." - I promised. - "But in case I do, I will come back, and haunt you for the rest of your life." - To that he just flicked his fingers against my nose. Now that I had the chance to see him, I felt more confident. He was the one that brought the warrior out of me. I couldn't thank him enough for doing so.

Morgen and Anouck left the room, and I was supposed to leave the room, step into the sunlight, and begin the fight to death against Anouck's love. 

Obviously, I wasn't nervous because my opponent was beloved by the slave, who dressed me up for this event. Under different circumstances, we could have been friends with Anouck, but right now, I didn't care about anyone, nor anything else, but myself, and to save my sister. 

However, I was still standing front of the open door, just waiting for something to happen; for example my opponent appear at the door and pulls me out. But that doesn't happen.
The crowd is dead silent, but they are there. I can see them.

I get myself together, and step into the field, but everything's quiet, like I am alone in the Stadium. The bright sunlight blinds me, but slowly my eyes got used to it, and I was able to see again. If I wouldn't be able to see these people around me, I wouldn't believe that they are around. 

Suddenly, a man stands up. His sleeves are long, and the whole outfit is made of a heavy, white outfit. His hair is light blonde, and he cannot be more than 30 years old. Besides him two men sits on thrones. One of them is a mean-looking, ugly man with black hair, dressed in red velvet, and on the other side another blonde man sits. His hair is long, and he is dressed in black, just like me.

"My dear ladies and lords!" - The young man begins in the white dress.- "Today a very special person stands front of you, and she is by no mean a criminal. Oh no, she is the youngest child of my dear friend, Lord Ambriel." - The man gestures towards the man on his right, dressed in black. He is staring at me, his hands gripping the hand holders tightly. - "But unfortunately, she is a bastard." - I know I should remain silent, but the word bastard itself was so insulting that I just couldn't hold back.

"Bastard, you say?" - I shouted so everyone could hear me. - "No, I was born as the youngest child of Ambriel Princeps, and my mother was his wife. It is your beloved consilium that tore me away from my father. I am a lawful child, and no matter how hard you try to make the crowd believe your truth, I know who I am, so do my brothers, my sister, and my father!" - Ambriel stood up from his throne, and walked to the railing that separated him from the Arena. The man in the white outfit was speechless for a long while. In that silence, the man who was my father, and I stared at each other, emotionless. He and I didn't look alike at all, but the way he held himself, the way he looked towards me, I just knew that it was true, and he was the man, who held me in his hands, right before the soldiers came to murder my mom.

But what is more important, I cold see that he believed that I was the daughter he had lost that day.
"Yes, Michael. This is my youngest daughter, and she is rightful to the Princeps name." - Ambriel wasn't shouting, like I did, but the power of his voice was incredible.

"The consilium decided 17 years ago, and they decided that she is not your rightful daughter. I am quite surprised you haven't accepted this fact in such a long time." - Now the black haired man added his viewpoint.

"My dear Xerxes, can law erase blood?" - Ambriel asked.

"It can't." - It was me, who answered my father's question. Our eyes locked, but Michael cleared his throat.

"Now, this woman, Spirit Princeps has also used purification and black magic." - Not far from me, there was a small stage. On the stage, two men appeared, each carried by two soldiers. One of them was twitching in pain, and the other was bleeding. I knew both of these men. Both had blue eyes, both have saved my life, and I trusted both... 

One of them was blonde, and hung from the soldiers' arms, emotionless. Blood was running down his left cheek from a wound o  his head right below his hairline, and from a cut on his cheek. It was no question, the guy was the one I could give my life for. Rider....

The other was conscious, but he probably wished he wasn't. His chest was bare, so anyone could see the pentagram scarred into his skin. But that wasn't why he was in pain; there were claw marks on his skin, and a huge purple area on his waist where he hit the tree when Lilith threw him. Joel was on the border of passing out when the soldiers threw him on the floor.

"Let's start with the Hell-Light."- Michael began. When I looked at him, a cold smile spread across his face. The terrifying realization that he was enjoying this made me dizzy. - "Joel Severio... how interesting to find the son of the Severio clan helping a Princeps! However what surprises me even more is that Spirit sacrificed days from her own life-spam to save his. Since it's illegal, I sentence Joel Severio to death."

"No!"- I shouted and I felt anger blossoming in my chest. - "If you wanna sentence anyone to death, then sentence me! I did the ritual, he didn't ask me!" - But nobody was listening. I looked at Joel, and our eyes met.

"Kill him." - Michael said the final word, and one of the soldiers grabbed the kneeling Joel's curly, black hair, and the other sliced his throat open. I heard myself scream. When his blood reached the pentagram on his chest, it began to smoke, and so did my hand. I ran to the podium in time to catch his falling body before he hit the ground. I murmured a spell, and green flares burst from my fingertips. There was still a small chance that I could save his life. The wound sealed. Michael was talking again, but I shut him out. I didn't want to hear what does he have to say. I just talked to Joel endlessly to stay with me and that it will be alright... but slowly his eyes closed, and his struggle to breathe stopped. The life left him.. he was dead. I stood up, my whole body was shaking uncontrollably. Something warm touched my neck. I touched my neck, and when I took my hand away, it was bloody. I turned towards Rider, and his head was right above me. His eyes were open, but they were also dead. 

He wasn't unconscious when he was carried up the stage...

"Raguel Vower, the last son of the Vower clan had to die not just because he was purified by Spirit, which is forbidden, unless the consilium decides otherwise, but because he took the innocence of Spirit Princeps without legal marriage before the act." - I could hear the smile out of Michael's voice. The soldiers dropped Rider's body beside me on the ground. His throat was also sliced open.

I put his head on my lap, and closed out the outside world completely.

I killed him. This is all my fault... I sobbed as our foreheads touched, and where my broken heart used to beat, now an empty space was beating.My tears rolled down from my cheeks, and dropped on his. Joel, Rider, my sister... they all got hurt because of me... I am nothing but a curse. I have seen this moment, I knew that he will die, but I didn't do anything about it.... that night he pushed my hand against his chest, saying that he is here, and his heart is still beating. Now it didn't beat anymore... he must have been dead for hours by now, because his body was cold. I closed his eyes, and I could feel nothing but pain. It was tearing me apart from the inside. I could hear Michael announce Onyx Faerydae, and saying that let the fight begin. I could hear the crowd mumbling, and i could hear the sound of a sword being pulled from it's sleeve... i could hear everything that was goinv on around me, and when a strong arm wrapped my ponly tail around her wrists, i didn't move. The cold blade of a sword pushed against my neck. My cheeks were wet with tears, even though the hot air have already dried them a little bit. My hands dropped by my side lifelessly.

"Just kill me..." - I whispered -"No matter what I do, all I cause is trouble, and there is only death in my footsteps."

For a second, nothing happened... then my opponent released me, and slid the sword back into the sleeve.

"I had enough!"- she shouts. - "Michael, you broke your word! You said if I win one fight, I can go. But I have won fights more than you can count." -that catches my attention, and also, anger begins to turn into burning anger. Onyx continues. -"And now you broke my enemy before I even put my foot into the arena. I understand that you have your disgusting way, but I want my promised freedom!"- hearing her, I stand up. Onyx is nothing like I imagined. She wears a thigh-high dark blue, sweater-like dress, and one one arm, armor is fastened on her. But only on one hand. She is short, with long black hair braided tightly on her head.

"Kill the girl, and you will get what's yours." - Michael says in a tone that doesn't accepts no as an answer, but Onyx clearly doesn't care.

"I have earned my freedom!" - She shouts, and as soon as the words leave her lips, I hear the high-pitched noise of an arrow slicing through the air.

Claws and White Sheets

We were driving North from Seattle, and I could just feel that the air in the car cabin was more and more full of awkwardness. No one was talking, and that was not what I was used to. So I just threw into the air the first topic that came into my mind.

"So, how come the magical creatures are living such a luxury lifestyle?"

"What do you mean?" - Haniel asked from the back seat.

"You know, Burberry suits, luxury flats in skyscrapers, huge mansions for Institutes... stuff like that." - I explained my point. For a long moment, no one answered me. I guess I picked a wrong topic...

"Oh, well..." - Joel began, but then he just cleared his throat, so Haniel took over.

"Usually we live among humans as celebrities, with fake stories about who we are. Like, for example, there is a fallen angel, called Adriel Featherdance. She used to be a high rank angel, but then some shit happened, and she fell. Now she is known as Taylor Swift." - Haniel said.

"Adriel...?" - I asked. - "You mean Rider's ex-lover, who left him for the opportunity to become a high rank angel?" - I asked. Suddenly both of them stared at me with eyes wide open.

"What?" - They asked at the same time. Please don't tell me I just spilled a huge secret... goddamnit.

"Oh, we are probably not talking about the same girl."

"Hold on... so there was a girl who actually had the chance to dump the tittle don Juan?" - Joel asked. Okkayyy, so I guess they have known each other for a longer time period than I expected.

"Actually I dumped... errr.... rejected him several times." - I added. Haniel burst out in laughter.

"It didn't sound like to me like you were rejecting him last night..." - Joel dropped the bomb.

"You were eavesdropping?!" - My face was bright red, and Haniel was laughing uncontrollably. - "Anyway, the whole fight happened when I was still back at the Institute. At first he hated me, and then I accidentally marked him, but then I purified his soul, and then I hated him, and he wanted to stick around me, and then I began to like him, but then my sister got kidnapped, and I ran away from LA." - By the time I finished the quick sum up of the happenings, the car was dead quiet again.

"You purified him...?" - Haniel asked.

"She is able to do some kick-ass spells." - Joel noted. - "She marked me as well, but then she did this weird spell to unbound us."

"No, I tore off some of my power-strings. Definitely not the same thing!" - I sighed.

"What..." - Haniel stared at us. - "You mean you preformed one of the forbidden rituals..? How did you even know about them? Or knew how to preform such a ritual...?" - Haniel was probably thinking I was crazy. I saw that Joel was about to tell him the truth, but that was not a good idea, so I put my hand on his shoulder to quiet him. Then I turned back at Haniel.

"I found a book in the lowest level of the library in the Institute, because I was the only one in the house, who had my kind of powers, and that's where I found these spells." - I lied. I know, I shouldn't but I still wasn't sure if I could trust this guy. Never trust pretty guys, they lie too much. - coming from me, that's a pretty metaphoric saying.
Haniel looked like he wasn't sure if he should believe me or not, but then he decided not to ask about it.

"So you are some kind of genius?" - Haniel asked.

"No, I just have photographic memory." -Another lie, I even lost count of the lies I have told in the past couple days. There was no point of counting them anymore. I turned to Joel.

"Does he know about your affairs?" - I asked. Joel rolled his eyes, but didn't turn his head away from the road.

"You mean Lilith. Yes, he knows." - He answered in a tone like a kid answers his mom when she tries to make him eat his vegetables.

"You told her?" - Haniel sounded like he couldn't believe his ears. I could imagine why.

"No. She kind of... forced the information out of me." - Joel didn't sound happy about it. I could understand: I wouldn't be happy either if someone was messing with my head like that either. I was about to answer that, saying that I'm sorry, but something fell on the car.

I heard myself screaming, and Joel synchronized cuss with Haniel. He speed up the car, but after a while, the car stopped without him wanting it to stop. Smoke rose from the front, and Joel hit his head on the wheel. In the sudden stop, Haniel flew out on the windshield, and hit the ground so hard I thought he died. But then he was immediately on his feet again. There were no cars to be seen nor near, nor far. I got out from the car, but Haniel yelled at me to get back.
I was stupid, and I didn't listen to his warning. Something attacked him, and before I could move a muscle, slim, white arms wrapped around my body, covering my mouth.

"Oh, what do we have here...?" - The voice was cold and sharp as ice. Under different conditions, I would've found it terribly creepy and annoying, but right now, I only felt fear in my veins. My breathing quickened, and my heart beat like never before. Joel got out of the car with a long flare bursting from his fingertips, but when he saw that I had been already captured, the flares died between his fingers.

"Release her." - He said in a serious tone. - "Lilith, this isn't your battle. Let her go." - That made the woman burst out in a dark, blood-freezing laugh. I imagine that villains could kill just to have a laugh like that.
She cut the skin just above my collarbone with her long, black fingernails that rather looked like claws.

"Since when is it not my battle, love?" - One arm released me, but the remaining still held me tight. If I could just reach the knife in my boots, I could get out from her grasp.
She reached her hand towards Joel, and as if she had Jedi power, she pulled him closer. Then flicked two fingers, and something tore off the sweater from him. The mark that the release created on his chest became visible. Even Haniel and the creature he was fighting with stopped fighting and stared. - "Oh, how naive could you be, my sweet Joel?" - She said in a baby voice. - "You are mine, only mine. And this little whore marked you without my permission. I have to say, I didn't care that much about her, since even if I'm currently working with the consilium, their business never interested me... bored me, in fact. I planned on pretending to search for this bitch, and then just let her run if I came across her, like closing my eyes until she ran away." - She turned my face so I could see hers. It was really... demonic. - "You see, I am a nice little demon." - When she finished the sentence, her eyes turned black, and she became even creepier than she was before...

and that is a serious achievement. - "Unless someone tries to steal my toys. I have never been the type, who likes to share."

Okay, I don't wanna be sassy or anything but NO DUH. I kind of figured.

"I didn't wan't to steal him. He is all yours, I swear I don't like him." - I gasped, since her pointy fingers began to squeeze out every molecule of air from my lungs.

"I don't wanna play with him." - She said. Lilith sounded like a pouting little girl. - "Look at him! His body is ruined."

There was only a pentagram on his chest above his heart. Other than that he still looked the same.

"She means she can't touch me with her filthy hands anymore." - Joel said in a serious voice. - "You placed this mark on me, and you happened to be a celestial by blood. The daughter of a high rank angel... this is your mark. A demon like her cannot touch me anymore." - As he finished, Lilith swung her arms, and Joel fell against a tree, then dropped on the ground lifelessly.

"No!" - I screamed. Lilith banged my head against the car, and I lost consciousness immediately.

***

I woke up in a bright, white room, laying on a table, totally naked. I was covered with a thin, white bed sheet, like people use in a morgue or a hospital. There were handcuffs on me, and my legs were tied as well. 

I looked around, but the whole room was empty. I pulled on the handcuffs, testing how strong they are, but as soon as I tried for the second time, someone stepped into the room in a nurse outfit - long, blue pants, and matching top. 

"How are you feeling?" - She asked. - "There was a wound on your head when Lilith brought you in, but we fixed it. Now you are physically ready for the postquam."

"The what...?" - I asked back. - "What are you talking about. She took out a needle, and stabbed me in the arm with it. 

"The criminals that have been captured have one last chance to clean themselves from all the sins they have committed. It's much like a gladiator game." - She said.

"I have never done anything."

"Yes you have." - She looked at me with sympathizing eyes. - "You have been born into a wrong family." - She put gold bracelets on both of my arms, and they were the shapes of birds hugging my arms with their wings. - "Now, this is just to be sure you don't try to kill anybody until you are in the arena. It stops you from being suicidal as well. But as soon as you step into the arena, the birds will be deactivated, and you will be free to do whatever you want."

She released my arms from the cuffs, and took them off my feet as well. I wrapped the white sheet around my body, and stood up. I couldn't believe that I got captured so quick! That was definitely not in my plans. I didn't think that Lilith would come after me in such a short notice. Lilith... JOEL!

"Wait, what happened to my friends? How long have I been here?" -I asked.

"We kept you asleep for a week and a half, so your recovery would be faster." - She explained. - "If you mean Joel Severio, and Haniel O'Shea, they have more serious injuries than you, so they are still asleep. However unlike you, they are allowed to leave this institute as soon as they wake up." - She smiled at me, but there was no warmth behind her eyes. She seemed sad.

"Where are we anyway?" - I asked.

"We are in the hospital wing of the Hell-Blossom Institute. This is the residence of the Depth-Consilium." - She walked me out from the room, and bright sunlight and hot air surrounded me. 

"Why do I have a feeling that we are not in Washington anymore...?" - Panic began to blossom in

my chest. I should have been more careful.

"No, we are in an island not far from Barbados." - She smiled.

"Say what now?!" - Not like I have never wanted to see Barbados, and the other islands.... but obviously not like this! 

We crossed a stone bridge, and when I looked down it was obvious that we were hidden by

some messed up spell from the humans, because there was no fucking way they wouldn't have spot a fricking medieval castle, high as fuck, on a goddamn deserted island!

I followed the nurse into a huge room, and she basically handed me over to a tall guy who looked like a surfer boy from Australia.

"Good to see you are well, Lady Spirit." - He smiled.

"Please, call me Spirit. I'm no royalty, really." - He just nodded, and as the door closed shut behind me, he turned to the shelves behind him.

"My name is Anouck." - He said, not even looking at me. - "Well, at least that was my name before I got here. They call me Melchiorre here, because that sounds more like a royal slave's name." - He spat the words. Anouck clearly hated being here, and I couldn't think of one single reason to question his point of view.

"Okay, then I will call you Anouck." - I smiled. He turned towards me, and sent me a smile. - "So what are you?"

"I am the son of a mermaid... a merman, but that sounds a little weird." 

"I have never imagined that there are mermen out there." - I said. - "I am a Grigori, but I imagine you already know that."

"Oh, yes." - He turned back with his hands full of stuff I would never wear if I didn't have to. I think this was a time, when I have to.... - "These were picked by Michael himself. Don't blame me, I told him that this isn't a catwalk, but he didn't listen to me."

That thing was looking ridiculous, and I couldn't help, but laugh. I couldn't possibly fight in that ridiculous outfit!!!

Who We Are

He was standing there with his eyes shining like gemstones. Rider's face reflected no emotion... he was cold as stone, like he didn't even recognize me. I know this was not right, and I should have just walk around him and leave - if he stays with me, it would bring a lot of misfortune upon him.
But I just couldn't bear not touching him... I have been away from home only for a couple of days, but there was not an hour in the past couple of days when he didn't cross my thoughts. My heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings. I dropped my bag on the ground, but I was too afraid to touch him. We just stood there, staring at each other.

"Hey." - Darren said and stepped beside me. - "I have been waiting for you." - Rider looked at him, and sent him a warms smile.

"I'm sorry, there was some traffic on the roads..." - They fist-bumped like old friends, even though they didn't talk at all during the time they were living in the same institute. Seems like there was a lot of things I didn't know. - "So what's up?"
They walked past me, like I wasn't even there. My chest tightened. I tried to convince myself that this is for the best, and it's the best for him if he just ignores me.

"You missed a huge thing." - Stephen said, and they shook hands as well - "This girl preformed an amazing release!" - They all stared at me, and I reached down to pick my bag up. But I touched it with my bad hand - which had the wound on it, and dropped the bag like it was hot with a painful moan. Rider stared at me, then his eyes wandered to my hand. He closed the distance between us, and raised it to his eyes to examine the wound. I tried to pull it away, but he didn't let me.
Then, without any warning, he slapped me across the face. It was so powerful that I flew across the room, and fell against the table. I was sure it would leave a mark. Blood filled my mouth, and the iron taste was sickening. I spit it out, and wiped my mouth with a dishcloth.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You just had to do that release, didn't you?" - Rider hissed at me. It was even more scary than if he would yell at me. Rider walked towards me, and that promised even more pain, so I just ignored the pain in my back, and took on a defensive position. I knew somewhere deep inside that he wouldn't hit me any more, but the instincts to protect myself were working just fine. - "Are you even aware of what you did?!" - He threw his arms in the air.

"Do you think I would let an innocent person die just because I am not control of what I'm doing? Do you really think I would let Joel - a guy who doesn't even know me - die, because of a stupid mistake?" - I yelled back - "I am aware of the sacrifice I made, and you do not have to lecture me! I was fully aware of the consequences."
That took him off guard, and he took a step back. Rider looked at me with a surprised expression that mixed with pain. - "It was my doing, so I had to do the release." - I said in a quieter voice. I let my arms fell beside my sides. - "Do whatever you want. I don't regret what I did."

He came up to me, and grabbed my shoulders, then shook me. - "You cannot preform a release every time you mess up!"

"Please someone would just explain what the hell is going on?" - Joel asked, and grabbed my arm. Rider was already by him, and threw him to the other side of the room.

"Do not touch her! If you come any closer, I will kill you." - He said, and his eyes narrowed. I pushed him away. - "You caused enough trouble for her already."

"Rider! What the hell?!" - I hurried to Joel, and helped him up. - "These people have nothing to do with me and anything that had happened. Chill the fuck out!"
I supported Joel, because he could barely stand.

"Thanks.." - he whispered. I just nodded, but I felt very bad, because he was pretty beaten up.

Rider took a threatening step towards us, but Darren grabbed his arm.

"She's right, calm down."

"So you want me to just stand back and be okay with the fact that she had shortened her own life just to cut some connection between a stranger she doesn't even know?" - He asked. Darren shot a glare at me.

"What?"

"It was black magic." - I explained. - "But I had no choice. I couldn't take his life just because a stupid kiss..." - Now Rider's eyes got really malevolent. I guess I said that in a wrong way. - "Three days of my life is nothing compared to your entire life. It was no question." - I said to Joel, because I rather looked at his beaten up face than Rider's hateful expression.

"How did you even know how to preform such a release?" - Stephen asked me. I just pulled on my shoulders.

"I don't know. It just came from deep within."

"I know how you did it." - Rider said, and sat down on the closest chair, and covered his face with his palm and rubbed his eyes. then he looked up to me. - "It's common with Nephilim. They are connected with their ancestors, and inherit their knowledge. Most of the time, they are not aware of it, or course, but it happens. Usually it's only one of the children of a generation that inherits this ability, and it seems like you are the one from the Princeps clan who got the memories."

"So everything that her family learned she knows...?" - Stephen asked, and looked at me with a strange expression.

"Not just that... if she learns how to control it, she can recall any memory any of her ancestors ever had." - He looked very troubled as he looked at me.

"So what's the bad part?" - I asked.

"If somehow any of the underworld creatures gets to know this, you will be hunted  down." - He said.

"They are already hunting me, if you haven't noticed. Is it known that Cassiel and Ariel do not possess this?"

"Yes. The consilium tested both of them, but they didn't show any signs of having this power." - Darren said. - "We just thought that maybe Iris has it, it just didn't developed yet."

"So you never considered me having it?" - The puzzle pieces started to fall into place.

"Not really. You never showed a sign of even having any kind of powers... we thought that since you grew up being unaware of this world, maybe you will never have special abilities, like for example, you will be able to fight physically, but you will be unable to use any kind of magic." - Darren explained. - "Iris was very worried about you... at first she didn't want to come to the institute, because of you... but we convinced her that we will grant your safety."

"What do you mean by 'we'?" - The whole picture was getting more and more clear. I helped Joel to a chair that was far enough from Rider, and made him sit down, and my hands began moving by themselves, and my lips whispered the words without me wanting them to: green light sparked from my fingertips, and I began to heal the greater injuries.

"Flame, Remiel, and me." - He said, but I could feel the confusion in his voice. I took a dishcloth, and put some water on it, then cleaned Joel's face from blood.

"But two of them is clearly not trustworthy. If Remiel says jump, Flame asks how high... they knew that in your opinion, Iris had the power to remember the past as far as our bloodline goes?"

"What do you mean?" - He asked. I stood up.

"Remiel knew that those full-fledged demons will come. He basically let them in... he didn't know that it's not Iris they need, but seems like neither did the demons." - I looked at Joel. - "At least not until now."

We exchanged a look with Joel, but of course, neither of the surrounding people knew what was going on. They didn't know about Lilith, but I did. Joel took my injured hand in his, and put it on his chest so the two pentagrams were touching.

Please, don't tell them. - I heard the voice in my head. My eyes widened, but he just shook his head. - I am able to transfer thoughts, it's alright. 

So, you want me to keep quiet about that you are not a celestial anymore but the concubine of one of the most famous demons? Joel, that is not okay. - I tried to reply to him through my thoughts.

I am not her concubine. - An angry voice appeared in my head. - Look, I am no celestial, that's true, but I do not work for the demonics either. You have to remember... I didn't want you to get found by Lilith. I am a good person.

Yes, I know that. - I answered. - But what do you expect me to do?

Just... be quiet about it.... You know what? I offer you a deal: If you keep quiet, I will go with you, and help you find Iris. I owe you my life anyways. But! If you tell them, my brothers will most likely throw me out, and I will be forced to go back to Lilith... if I go to her, there will be no chance for you to remain invisible. They will find you. - Joel was getting more and more scared - But if I have to go back, I will be dead as well.

Are you threatening me? - Anger rose inside me.

No, I am asking you to think this through.

"Alright." - I said out loud. The three others stared at us with a strange expression. I reached my hand towards Joel, and we shook hands - I was smart enough not to shake hands with my wounded arm.

Stephen stepped towards me with a roll of gauze in his hand, and wrapped my palm in the textile to cover my wound. I let him, and swallowed back the urge to push him away, because with his every move, the pentagram hurt even more.
He tied the bandages and I picked up my bag. I knew that now, I cannot leave alone, but I cannot stay here. I looked at Rider, and I knew that he can't come.

"I don't know what were you guys discussing because Joel shut me out, but I hope you choose wisely. It's not smart to have deals with a guy like him." - Stephen shoot a pitiful look towards Joel.

"That's not true." - I couldn't help but stand up for him. - "I don't think I will regret trusting him." - I looked at Joel questioningly. He nodded with a serious look, and I knew that he meant it. - "Rider, I..." - I began, but he raised his hand.

"You are a disgrace to the celestial name." - He whispered. - "You are no Nephilim, but rather a Grigori."

"I thought Morgen is a Grigori..." - I sighed.

"He is, but you used to be a Nephilim." - He looked at me, and for the change I was taller since he was sitting on a chair.

"What's the difference?" - I asked. I thought it was about how much angel blood a person has... well then I guess not.

"Grigori are more powerful than Nephilim." - Stephen said. - "But they pick no sides. They work with the side that benefit their current plan." - I turned back to Rider.

"There are things I did and didn't like. There are things that I would rather erase from your memory about me, if I could. But my sister needs me. I know that you don't like me working with demons, but I need their help." - He just shook his head. - "I can't ask you to forgive me for leaving you out of this, and planning to ask demons to help me, but remember that we are who we are, and I can't let my sister die, because of something she didn't do."

"Then I'm going too." - He looked up at me. I shook my head.

"You can't. You have to stay away. You have to be safe." - I took his face in my hand. God, I loved him so much it hurt my chest. - "I don't know what would I do, if something would happen because of me."

Rider put his hand on mine, and squeezed his eyes shut. "I can't let you do this..."

"You have to." - He hugged me, and we stared into each other's eyes for a long moment, then he

kissed me. His lips felt soft on mine, but I could feel that he was holding back. I could feel that there was so much desire behind those lips, and I wanted to feel it. I dig into his hair, and kissed him as deep as I could. With every second while we were kissing, my heart broke a little more, because I knew that life was too cruel to let me feel his touch ever again, but I couldn't be so selfish to let him die along with me.

The plan I had was most likely suicidal, however that was my only chance.

Slowly, he backed off, and with and aching heart, I let him. Joel cleared his throat. I slowly turned towards him, even though I didn't wanna let go of even the sight of Rider.

"I think we should stay for today. Rest up, and tomorrow, leave at dawn." - He said. I glanced at Rider, and he took my bag from my hand. "I agree with him... stay here a little."
I just nodded, and took his hand. I could feel that he knew this was probably the last time we would ever see each other.
Stephen was already gone, I didn't even notice him leaving. Darren was making coffee, and Joel was walking out of the room as well. I took Rider's hand, and pulled him after me.

We went into my room, and as soon as I closed the door, he dropped my bag, and pushed me against the door. He kissed me with all the desire he was holding back. Then, he just hugged me, grabbing my jacket. His shoulders were stiff, and he was trembling a little.
"I don't want you to leave." - He whispered.

"I know." - I whispered back.

"You don't understand." - He began, and he looked up at me - "I love you."

For a long moment, I just stared at his eyes, and I felt the first teardrop roll down on my cheeks.

"I love you too" - I answered. He wiped off my tears, and kissed me again. My eyes were burning. I was clinging into his shirt, and inhaled deeply his scent. His cologne filled my nose, and I felt safe again. He held me in his arms, and stroked my hair.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" - He asked. I closed my eyes, and leaned against him. - "Just like we used to... talk until you fall asleep." - I could hear on his voice that he was smiling as he remembered the way we slept several times back in LA.

"So you can sneak out while I'm asleep?" - I asked. He grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards the bed. The sun was setting. Rider leaned back, and his black leather jacket felt hot under my hand. His heart was beating so hard that even I felt it.
This heart that beat so hard belonged to the one I loved the most. These lips on mine that I craved for so long, that now were mine, but not mine at the same time, and the eyes that were the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

"No, I won't go anywhere." - He whispered and caressed my back with his hands. Even though they felt rough once you touch his palm: forged by fights, and the handles of his weapons - but he was able to touch with the most caring touch...

"Promise?" - I asked.

"I promise." - He smiled, and out lips touched. - " At least for tonight."

Be both knew that he didn't need to say that, because there will be no other than tonight, and there will be no more kisses, no more promises, and no more nights when we fall asleep together. Of course, it was not okay, but we had no choice. We had to accept the fate we got. And that's how it was, because we were who we were.

Curse and Sacrifice

Joel grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me up. He shook me with his strong arms, and I knew that neither Darren, nor Stephen understood. It didn't take them too long to pin Joel down to the ground.

"No, let him go..." - I said quietly. They all stared at me questioningly. - "Sit down. This might need some explanation." - I began.

"Yes, I would love to know why are you in my head!" - Joel growled. Darren and Stephen let him go, and we all sat around the table.

They looked at me, all of them showed different feelings about this. Daren was confused, Stephen was excited, and Joel was suspicious. I could totally understand, after all none of them knew about my abilities - including myself. Darren might have had an idea, but even if he did so, he didn't seem to remember it. I let out a troubled sigh, and began the story.

"I had no idea about the powers flowing in my body until a half year ago, when a Fallen One, named Rider didn't share his powers with me. I know, most of you think it isn't possible to share powers, but my ability lies in... borrowing. I can make an individual share powers with me, lend me his strength for a given time period. Currently, I cannot fully control this time period, but up until now, I thought I knew how to keep the bonding under control." 

"What kind of bonding are you talking about?!" - Joel stood up, but Darren pushed him back to his seat. I felt a bit uncomfortable saying it out loud.

"I order to borrow someone's power, I must bound my soul with the person's I'm borrowing from. It means that we share not just powers, but memories, feelings... even thoughts if the bonding becomes strong enough." - I said. I could tell that Joel was getting more and more angry just by hearing it.

"Did this bond become that strong with Rider?" - Darren asked. He knew who he was, but they weren't that close either. I just shook my head.

"I found a small article in a book not long after our bonding."

"And how did you break the bond?" - Joel asked. No surprise, if I were him, I would've asked the same question.

"I purify them. After the purification, the bond disappears, and the person becomes free from all the sins he have ever committed. It's something like pushing the restart button." - I explained. - "But I cannot purify you, since you are half demon, which means purifying your blood would mean burning half of it out from your system, and there could be two types of outcome: you would become a human, or you would end up dead." - Joel, hearing that threw his hands in the air.

"Great, so I am bound to you until the rest of your, or my life!" 

"Not necessarily." - I took a deep breath, and reached my hands toward him. - "I doubt we are bound. I think it was just a temporary line that occurred through our kiss. I'm pretty sure it snapped right after that shard of memory."

"Kiss?" - Darren looked at Joel, and raised his eyebrows - "Bro, if you take advantage of this girl, her sister will kill you, then kill me, then set our corpses on fire, raise us from hell, and kill us again. You should think this through one more time." - That made me giggle, but I put my serious face on again as soon as i could.

"Now, I still have to check whether my theory is right. Please, take my hand." - He looked at my outstretched hand doubtfully. I rolled my eyes. - "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you."

I heard Stephen smirk, so I shot him a silencing glare. He cleared his throat, and put his poker face back on, but his eyes shone with a mocking shimmer. 

I looked back at Joel, and reached a half inch closer to him. He let out a deep breath, and took my hand. Mine basically lost in his, because his hands were huge, while mine were very small. It looked like a child's hand in his. 

I closed my eyes, and I immediately saw his aura, but it was different from Rider's: Joel's wasn't like millions of arms reaching for me. It was like burning flames circled around him, and his powers were the shape of a dragon. 

But this dragon was tangled with my power strings, we were bound.

"I have to tear myself away from you." - I whispered. Joel squeezed my hand. I couldn't tell if he was nervous, or encouraging me. Without opening my eyes, I pulled him closer, and I put my other hand on his chest right above his heart. 

The words began to flow from my lips.

"Agite Tenebrae Abyssi, Ensis Incendens! Et Incendium Caliginis Umbrae Inimicitiae Destructionis Ultionis! Incendant et Me et Eum, Sint Solum Incendentes! Infernale-lux Gehennae!!" - I whispered. This wasn't a spell I read, nor studied. It came from deep within, and for some reason, I understood every word : Come Forth, Darkness of the Abyss, Burning Sword! And the Conflagration of Mist, Shadows, Enmity, Destruction, and Vengeance! Set he and I aflame, burning to our very foundation! Hell-light Conflagration!

A dark, dagger shaped phenomenon slashed through my aura, cutting the fine strings of power. I felt a sudden snap inside of me: I gasped in pain, and Joel let out a shocked moan. His dragon shaped aura snapped the rest of my powers off itself. Chairs fell backwards, and I felt someone pull the table away from us. I opened my eyes to see that Joel and I were on fire, the flames of his aura embraced both of us. 

This spell I cast upon us was dark magic, but I couldn't use celestial magic on him, because he was the creature of the night. I knew what comes next, what I have to do. I let go of his hand, and cupped his face in my hands, like I did with Rider not too long ago. It wasn't exactly like purification. It was more like releasing a beast I have been trying to tame, unsuccessfully. Joel hasn't opened his eyes yet. I slowly closed mines, and our lips touched. Hot power burst into me through his mouth, hot as fire. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me close to his body. Our kiss deepened, and I was no longer controlling my body. It was like someone pushed me aside. I felt my hands dig into his hair. His lips wandered off my lips to my neck, and suddenly I was seeing myself from the outside. My arms fell off his shoulders, and my head cocked back lifelessly. My eyes wide open, and my mouth as well. Bright red light shone from them, like I had lava flowing through me. I walked towards my body from the outside, and walked around Joel. I touched my own cheeks. God, it felt so weird. Darren and Stephen was watching me, as I walked around. So they could see me...

Again the words came out of nowhere, and I began chanting:

"Turbo Fulgoris Perforantis! Emittam!!" - Tempest of Gouging Lightning! Release!! As soon as I said Emittam - release - My body sucked me in, and Joel was pushed to the other side of the room by a lightning. I fell on the ground, gasping for air. My skin was covered in black dust, and my lungs felt like I inhaled fire for several seconds. I looked at my palms, and there was a pentagram burnt into the flesh.

Joel stood up, and on his chest, the shirt was burnt above his heart, and the same pentagram was burnt into his flawless skin. 

"What did you do?" - Joel asked, as he touched the wound on his chest. 

"I released you from my powers." - I sighed, and stood up. I dodn't know how I did it, nor could repeat or explain it. It was like someone else did it with my body. - "I better get myself together, and leave." - It was true, I released him from my bond, but in exchange, I had to destroy some of my strings, and that shortened my life by exactly 3 days, 16 hours and 43 minutes. I don't know how I knew this, but I did, and I knew that I shall not tell this to the Severio brothers, because they would question me on more, and I had no answers. But I knew that I had to do it. He didn't have anything to do with me, nor knew who I was. Neither did I have the right to remain in his head, steal his memories and force mine on him. Even if it cost shortening my life spam just a little. - "Stephen, our deal expired. I shall leave alone."

They all stared at me as I walked back to the guestroom. I stuffed my staff into my bag, and then hurried to the bathroom to change out of the pajamas and wash the black dust off my body. I changed into a pair of light washed shorts and a sleeveless t-shit that said "midnight angel" which -

if we consider the current situation (thinking of the fact that I was actually half blood angel) - was kind of ironic, but I had no time to actually care about it at the moment. I put my still wet hair in a bun, and put some make up on. Then, throwing my bag over my shoulders, I went back into the kitchen. Stephen's hand was covered in green flames, and he was about to touch Joel's chest with his hand. I sighed.

"Healing spells won't make the mark go away. I am a celestial, and you are a demonic, even if you call yourself celestial, you'll never truly be one. You might serve the angels, but you remain a hell-light no matter what. This mark was carved into your skin by the curse of the Thrones: If a celestial shall make a sacrifice for a demonic, let this mark be burnt into the demonic's living flesh to remind them what had been done for them." - I quoted the saying that I have never heard. What the fuck was on with me...

"What do you mean by sacrifice?" - Stephen asked me. I just shook my head.

"That's only important to me. I have to leave before I make any more damage to you or to myself." - I smiled at Stephen - "Thanks for being such a wonderful host, I am really thankful, and if you need me, just call. I owe you a great time."

With that, I pushed the elevator button, but as the doors opened, I bumped into a tall figure. His blond hair was floating around his head, and his eyes were bluer than the ocean with a spark lighter colors... just like aquamarine. My eyes widened, and my heart skipped a beat. How can this be...?