But I just couldn't bear not touching him... I have been away from home only for a couple of days, but there was not an hour in the past couple of days when he didn't cross my thoughts. My heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings. I dropped my bag on the ground, but I was too afraid to touch him. We just stood there, staring at each other.
"Hey." - Darren said and stepped beside me. - "I have been waiting for you." - Rider looked at him, and sent him a warms smile.
"I'm sorry, there was some traffic on the roads..." - They fist-bumped like old friends, even though they didn't talk at all during the time they were living in the same institute. Seems like there was a lot of things I didn't know. - "So what's up?"
They walked past me, like I wasn't even there. My chest tightened. I tried to convince myself that this is for the best, and it's the best for him if he just ignores me.
"You missed a huge thing." - Stephen said, and they shook hands as well - "This girl preformed an amazing release!" - They all stared at me, and I reached down to pick my bag up. But I touched it with my bad hand - which had the wound on it, and dropped the bag like it was hot with a painful moan. Rider stared at me, then his eyes wandered to my hand. He closed the distance between us, and raised it to his eyes to examine the wound. I tried to pull it away, but he didn't let me.
Then, without any warning, he slapped me across the face. It was so powerful that I flew across the room, and fell against the table. I was sure it would leave a mark. Blood filled my mouth, and the iron taste was sickening. I spit it out, and wiped my mouth with a dishcloth.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You just had to do that release, didn't you?" - Rider hissed at me. It was even more scary than if he would yell at me. Rider walked towards me, and that promised even more pain, so I just ignored the pain in my back, and took on a defensive position. I knew somewhere deep inside that he wouldn't hit me any more, but the instincts to protect myself were working just fine. - "Are you even aware of what you did?!" - He threw his arms in the air.
"Do you think I would let an innocent person die just because I am not control of what I'm doing? Do you really think I would let Joel - a guy who doesn't even know me - die, because of a stupid mistake?" - I yelled back - "I am aware of the sacrifice I made, and you do not have to lecture me! I was fully aware of the consequences."
That took him off guard, and he took a step back. Rider looked at me with a surprised expression that mixed with pain. - "It was my doing, so I had to do the release." - I said in a quieter voice. I let my arms fell beside my sides. - "Do whatever you want. I don't regret what I did."
He came up to me, and grabbed my shoulders, then shook me. - "You cannot preform a release every time you mess up!"
"Please someone would just explain what the hell is going on?" - Joel asked, and grabbed my arm. Rider was already by him, and threw him to the other side of the room.
"Do not touch her! If you come any closer, I will kill you." - He said, and his eyes narrowed. I pushed him away. - "You caused enough trouble for her already."
"Rider! What the hell?!" - I hurried to Joel, and helped him up. - "These people have nothing to do with me and anything that had happened. Chill the fuck out!"
I supported Joel, because he could barely stand.
"Thanks.." - he whispered. I just nodded, but I felt very bad, because he was pretty beaten up.
Rider took a threatening step towards us, but Darren grabbed his arm.
"She's right, calm down."
"So you want me to just stand back and be okay with the fact that she had shortened her own life just to cut some connection between a stranger she doesn't even know?" - He asked. Darren shot a glare at me.
"What?"
"It was black magic." - I explained. - "But I had no choice. I couldn't take his life just because a stupid kiss..." - Now Rider's eyes got really malevolent. I guess I said that in a wrong way. - "Three days of my life is nothing compared to your entire life. It was no question." - I said to Joel, because I rather looked at his beaten up face than Rider's hateful expression.
"How did you even know how to preform such a release?" - Stephen asked me. I just pulled on my shoulders.
"I don't know. It just came from deep within."
"I know how you did it." - Rider said, and sat down on the closest chair, and covered his face with his palm and rubbed his eyes. then he looked up to me. - "It's common with Nephilim. They are connected with their ancestors, and inherit their knowledge. Most of the time, they are not aware of it, or course, but it happens. Usually it's only one of the children of a generation that inherits this ability, and it seems like you are the one from the Princeps clan who got the memories."
"So everything that her family learned she knows...?" - Stephen asked, and looked at me with a strange expression.
"Not just that... if she learns how to control it, she can recall any memory any of her ancestors ever had." - He looked very troubled as he looked at me.
"So what's the bad part?" - I asked.
"If somehow any of the underworld creatures gets to know this, you will be hunted down." - He said.
"They are already hunting me, if you haven't noticed. Is it known that Cassiel and Ariel do not possess this?"
"Yes. The consilium tested both of them, but they didn't show any signs of having this power." - Darren said. - "We just thought that maybe Iris has it, it just didn't developed yet."
"So you never considered me having it?" - The puzzle pieces started to fall into place.
"Not really. You never showed a sign of even having any kind of powers... we thought that since you grew up being unaware of this world, maybe you will never have special abilities, like for example, you will be able to fight physically, but you will be unable to use any kind of magic." - Darren explained. - "Iris was very worried about you... at first she didn't want to come to the institute, because of you... but we convinced her that we will grant your safety."
"What do you mean by 'we'?" - The whole picture was getting more and more clear. I helped Joel to a chair that was far enough from Rider, and made him sit down, and my hands began moving by themselves, and my lips whispered the words without me wanting them to: green light sparked from my fingertips, and I began to heal the greater injuries.
"Flame, Remiel, and me." - He said, but I could feel the confusion in his voice. I took a dishcloth, and put some water on it, then cleaned Joel's face from blood.
"But two of them is clearly not trustworthy. If Remiel says jump, Flame asks how high... they knew that in your opinion, Iris had the power to remember the past as far as our bloodline goes?"
"What do you mean?" - He asked. I stood up.
"Remiel knew that those full-fledged demons will come. He basically let them in... he didn't know that it's not Iris they need, but seems like neither did the demons." - I looked at Joel. - "At least not until now."
We exchanged a look with Joel, but of course, neither of the surrounding people knew what was going on. They didn't know about Lilith, but I did. Joel took my injured hand in his, and put it on his chest so the two pentagrams were touching.
Please, don't tell them. - I heard the voice in my head. My eyes widened, but he just shook his head. - I am able to transfer thoughts, it's alright.
So, you want me to keep quiet about that you are not a celestial anymore but the concubine of one of the most famous demons? Joel, that is not okay. - I tried to reply to him through my thoughts.
I am not her concubine. - An angry voice appeared in my head. - Look, I am no celestial, that's true, but I do not work for the demonics either. You have to remember... I didn't want you to get found by Lilith. I am a good person.
Yes, I know that. - I answered. - But what do you expect me to do?
Just... be quiet about it.... You know what? I offer you a deal: If you keep quiet, I will go with you, and help you find Iris. I owe you my life anyways. But! If you tell them, my brothers will most likely throw me out, and I will be forced to go back to Lilith... if I go to her, there will be no chance for you to remain invisible. They will find you. - Joel was getting more and more scared - But if I have to go back, I will be dead as well.
Are you threatening me? - Anger rose inside me.
No, I am asking you to think this through.
"Alright." - I said out loud. The three others stared at us with a strange expression. I reached my hand towards Joel, and we shook hands - I was smart enough not to shake hands with my wounded arm.
Stephen stepped towards me with a roll of gauze in his hand, and wrapped my palm in the textile to cover my wound. I let him, and swallowed back the urge to push him away, because with his every move, the pentagram hurt even more.
He tied the bandages and I picked up my bag. I knew that now, I cannot leave alone, but I cannot stay here. I looked at Rider, and I knew that he can't come.
"I don't know what were you guys discussing because Joel shut me out, but I hope you choose wisely. It's not smart to have deals with a guy like him." - Stephen shoot a pitiful look towards Joel.
"That's not true." - I couldn't help but stand up for him. - "I don't think I will regret trusting him." - I looked at Joel questioningly. He nodded with a serious look, and I knew that he meant it. - "Rider, I..." - I began, but he raised his hand.
"You are a disgrace to the celestial name." - He whispered. - "You are no Nephilim, but rather a Grigori."
"I thought Morgen is a Grigori..." - I sighed.
"He is, but you used to be a Nephilim." - He looked at me, and for the change I was taller since he was sitting on a chair.
"What's the difference?" - I asked. I thought it was about how much angel blood a person has... well then I guess not.
"Grigori are more powerful than Nephilim." - Stephen said. - "But they pick no sides. They work with the side that benefit their current plan." - I turned back to Rider.
"There are things I did and didn't like. There are things that I would rather erase from your memory about me, if I could. But my sister needs me. I know that you don't like me working with demons, but I need their help." - He just shook his head. - "I can't ask you to forgive me for leaving you out of this, and planning to ask demons to help me, but remember that we are who we are, and I can't let my sister die, because of something she didn't do."
"Then I'm going too." - He looked up at me. I shook my head.
"You can't. You have to stay away. You have to be safe." - I took his face in my hand. God, I loved him so much it hurt my chest. - "I don't know what would I do, if something would happen because of me."
Rider put his hand on mine, and squeezed his eyes shut. "I can't let you do this..."
"You have to." - He hugged me, and we stared into each other's eyes for a long moment, then he
The plan I had was most likely suicidal, however that was my only chance.
Slowly, he backed off, and with and aching heart, I let him. Joel cleared his throat. I slowly turned towards him, even though I didn't wanna let go of even the sight of Rider.
"I think we should stay for today. Rest up, and tomorrow, leave at dawn." - He said. I glanced at Rider, and he took my bag from my hand. "I agree with him... stay here a little."
I just nodded, and took his hand. I could feel that he knew this was probably the last time we would ever see each other.
Stephen was already gone, I didn't even notice him leaving. Darren was making coffee, and Joel was walking out of the room as well. I took Rider's hand, and pulled him after me.
We went into my room, and as soon as I closed the door, he dropped my bag, and pushed me against the door. He kissed me with all the desire he was holding back. Then, he just hugged me, grabbing my jacket. His shoulders were stiff, and he was trembling a little.
"I don't want you to leave." - He whispered.
"I know." - I whispered back.
"You don't understand." - He began, and he looked up at me - "I love you."
For a long moment, I just stared at his eyes, and I felt the first teardrop roll down on my cheeks.
"I love you too" - I answered. He wiped off my tears, and kissed me again. My eyes were burning. I was clinging into his shirt, and inhaled deeply his scent. His cologne filled my nose, and I felt safe again. He held me in his arms, and stroked my hair.
"Can I stay with you tonight?" - He asked. I closed my eyes, and leaned against him. - "Just like we used to... talk until you fall asleep." - I could hear on his voice that he was smiling as he remembered the way we slept several times back in LA.
"So you can sneak out while I'm asleep?" - I asked. He grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards the bed. The sun was setting. Rider leaned back, and his black leather jacket felt hot under my hand. His heart was beating so hard that even I felt it.
This heart that beat so hard belonged to the one I loved the most. These lips on mine that I craved for so long, that now were mine, but not mine at the same time, and the eyes that were the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen."No, I won't go anywhere." - He whispered and caressed my back with his hands. Even though they felt rough once you touch his palm: forged by fights, and the handles of his weapons - but he was able to touch with the most caring touch...
"Promise?" - I asked.
"I promise." - He smiled, and out lips touched. - " At least for tonight."
Be both knew that he didn't need to say that, because there will be no other than tonight, and there will be no more kisses, no more promises, and no more nights when we fall asleep together. Of course, it was not okay, but we had no choice. We had to accept the fate we got. And that's how it was, because we were who we were.
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