Cousin

We stood there staring at each other, both of our hands were covered in golden flames, and just waited for the other to do the first move. He was in the water creating small ripples on the surface of the pond as he breathed.
I took a small step towards him, and mirroring my moves he did the same. The air was still, but the forest behind me still whispered quietly as the leafs brushed against one another. One very creepy thing about the magic world: everything is alive that is created by nature, and they have their own way of communicating. In the human world, trees can't talk. Obviously, even here, they don't use a language that we could understand, but they whispered in the old tongue of the fairies, and the fairies could understand them.
The earth beneath my feet was furred with soft grass and the sky above me was spotted with countless stars, but the moon was just a black spot on the ink-blue sky. There were no clouds, just the stars, shining like many jewels of the unknown.

"Aren't you here because you have questions?" - He asked with a mocking smirk on his face. Rider climbed out of the water, and his black jeans were dripping.

"Not exactly. I am here, because I was sent here. Why are you here? Clearly, we are not in Greece anymore." - The air didn't smell of sea and sunshine, like it did in Greece. Here, the air smelled of grass, pine, and fresh black soil.

"We are in Scotland." - He replied. - "But why the hell would I be in Greece? I have left the castle a while ago. Ever since the Consilium ripped my wings off, the mansion belongs to my cousin." - His words confused me. I closed the distance between us, and went closer to him.

"What are you saying? Just the other, you were sitting in the meeting hall with the other lords, talking about the negotiation with Haniel and Jophiel." - To that, he smiled, and pushed back a lock of hair that had floated front of his eyes.

"I feel offended that you still can't tell me and my cousin apart. Of course, no one could, right from the first time we were seen together, but those others never mattered. They never spent enough time with any of us to feel the difference." - He reached his arm out, and brushed my cheek. His hand was warm with the golden flames, but wet with pond water.

"What cousin?" - I asked back. - "Marcus had died when I was captured and dragged for a postaquam. He was killed. You are the last living member of the Vower clan. You said it yourself." - I reminded him.

"Really?" - He smiled, and lifted his chin a little bit. A thin white line ran across his neck. A scar. I backed away, terrified.

"Who are you?!" - I asked, as I put more and more distance between us.

"I am the lover you cried over in the stadium." - He snorted. - "I was there to die. I was the one who had to deal with all the bullshit that Rider didn't want to face. And you know why? Because I was still an angel when they killed me. Since I didn't sin, they gave me back my life, but I had to say goodbye to being an angel." - He came closer to me, and grabbed my arms. - "I switched with Rider, because he is my cousin, and I knew that I will be killed, but then I would recover. However, every time he sent me to be with you, I had to play that I was him. Do you have any idea how many times you said his name to me? How many times I wanted to tell you the truth, but my vow forbade me?" - He shook me angrily. His grip was painful on my upper arms, and I cried out in pain. He pushed me away, and I fell on the ground. I tried to block the fall with my hands, but the push was so powerful that I felt my left wrist snap.
Pain spread from the inner side of my wrist,
Again, a cry left my lips. I could tell that he was angry. He was angry with me, he was angry with Rider... he was angry with the world. - "You ask who am I? I am Marcus Vower."

Sitting on the ground, healing my wrist with the green flames, I was speechless. Many questions raced through my mind. It never even occurred to me that maybe I was spending time with another person than Rider. How could I ever tell them apart, if they never showed their true self to me? Not once...
Then I remembered the dream I had in Seattle about him laying dead in my arms. I took a deep breath. - "So... in La, when the demons attacked the Institute, you were the one with me in the bathroom, trying to convince me to run away with you?" - I asked back.

"Yes." - He stared at me from above. My wrist cracked back to its original position, and the green flames turned back to golden fire. I stood up, and faced him again.

"You were the one who kissed me for the first time?" - I asked.

"No." - He shook his head.

"You were with me in Seattle?" - The last question hurt the most. That day, I thought I knew what I wanted. I knew who I was, what I love, what I want, who I want, and the world seemed much simpler than at this moment.
Marcus rolled his right shoulder backwards, and his collarbone popped. The muscles moved smoothly under his skin. Visibly, he wasn't comfortable with the topic.

"I was the one you slept with, but I wasn't the one, who hit you in the kitchen." - He replied. My eyes widened.

"How could you switch so quickly?" - I asked.

"Magic." - He pulled on his shoulders. Hatred was inside of me... hatred that burned like a storm of fire in the dry savanna. It burned with insane heat, and I was hating Marcus and Rider all the same.

"You both played me, like I was just a toy. It wasn't just Rider, but you as well!!" - I shouted. - "What did you expect to gain from this situation? What did you think would have happen... Now that Rider had proposed to me? You would keep playing him in bed, while he does the public appearances? Not that I feel like marrying you... nor him." - I felt like I have never been so angry in my life. Marcus came up to me, and tried to touch my face, but I slapped his hand away.

"You wanted the truth, now you have it." - He murmured. I threw my hands in the air. I couldn't believe that he took the whole thing so lightly. Was I the only one who cared about who she has sex with, and who she spends her time with?

"You know what? Yes, I had my truth, now I better leave." - I turned around, and then realized that I had no clue how to get back to the castle.
I closed my eyes, and reached out towards Joel. He was the only one I knew how to reach through the mental strings. But at the end of the string, he wasn't there anymore. I remembered that I have sent him away from the castle, and he probably hates me now, but why does this keep happening to me?
Why couldn't be Rider my one true love, like in the fairy tales in books? Where the girl finds the boy she had always dreamed about, and he just happens to be the one who dreamed about her as well... then they live happily ever after.

I gasped as the first teardrop rolled down on my cheeks. The world was a cruel place... and as I was mourning over my dreams of who I wanted to be, suddenly the world began to spin around me, and the ground slipped out of my feet. Strong arms grabbed me, and suddenly I was in a dark room, smooth stone floor under my feet. I turned towards the person, who got me away from Marcus, and my eyes met a brilliant sky-blue glare.
A smile spread across my lips.. a sad smile, and soon tears took over it's place. Morgen hugged me tightly as I sobbed.

"I know it's awful... I should have warned you.." - He whispered into my hair. I wanted to tell him that it doesn't matter because I wouldn't have listened anyways. I wanted to tell him that I was too naive to believe such thing about a man I loved, but all I could to was grip his black shirt, and not let go as the tears flowed down on my cheeks endlessly.
I cried until I fell asleep. But at least I felt safer, because he was there with me. The only person who had never betrayed me.

***

Morgen had brought me to Skydown. Since everyone escaped or died during the siege of the palace, the consilium had no use of it anymore. All of the windows were broken, and at some places, bloody hand-prints covered the walls. The blood had already dried, so the blackish brown flakes exfoliated when I walked by, leaving an ugly imprint on the wall. 

The castle was hallow, and just sad. I never felt like this place was truly my home... never. But why was I so sad still? I walked up to the highest tower, and when I stepped into the balcony, a pair of snow white wings were at my feet. Ambriel's wings. I knelt down, and brushed the soft feathers with my fingertips. Once these wings belonged to a man as powerful as he could be, with many people standing by his side, but he still died. He died because of Jophiel... because who else could have given the command to siege Skydown, if they killed the current head of consilium, and he stepped up to take her place? It was clear as sunlight that Jophiel was a man to be feared.

Jophiel

People surrounded him in the meeting hall of Hell-Blossom. The Depth and the Main consilium worked as one, like never before, but he could still feel the hatred in the eyes of the heirs on their thrones. Especially the new Severio, called Darren, whose father had been killed at Skydown. 

Jophiel knew that trusting him would be a terrible mistake. But he was forced to depend on people he didn't trust, and he didn't trust them for good reasons. He was the son of the man who had started this conflict by kidnapping the daughter of Ambriel. He knew goddamn well, that nobody around him agreed with what he was doing, but he wanted the Princeps girl... he needed Iris, to see her with his own eyes, to see that it is possible to turn a halfblood into something great and powerful.

But there were several problems, let's say many of the lords had 'spit in his soup' because secretly they all wanted to go to that other Princeps, that whore... she had escaped the siege, even thoug the main reason was to get a hold of her. 

She was a soul-whisperer, possessed a great power that only the nephilim could, a power that made her even more powerful than her now-demonic sister. 

Also, the new head of the Vowers, Raguel (or Rider as most of the people called him...) was the head of the rebellion that was meant to destroy the consilium, wipe it out, burn it to the ground, destroy even the memory of it... his family, once so noble, used to be one of the three families, who created the consilium in the first place, but by now everyone knew that Guardian Angels couldn't protect the magical world, nor keep the demonic powers from rising. All they did was looking after some weak ass humans, useless creatures, and they sucked at doing that too... Jophiel hated the Guardians, because their powers were greater than any other angels' but they were so dumb and naive, they never knew what they could do with all they got.

Especially the Vowers... they were selfless creatures all. The head of the clan before Rider gave up his life to take his place at the postaquam, trusting his abilities, thinkikg that Rider would have been captured to fight in the arena. Jophiel had seen when the guards had killed him. His last words were that It is not the end. I will come back, |I will come back for you all, and pull you down with me to the deepest pits of hell. Then you will be where you belong. 

Obviously, he did not come back. Even if he did, he was a powerless creature, because Spirit took all the power that was left in his body. The most phatetic thing about the whole situation was that Spirit believed that she was mourning over the dead body of Rider, not knowing that she was actually two-timing Raguel and Marcus... she never knew what the cousins were doing to her, made her look like a fool, a wench, a useless bitch... yet these people sitting around him still wanted to follow her. 

Sitting on that wooden armchair made his ass ache, and he realized that no mater how much time he will spend in these halls, no matter how much time he spens with the others in the meeting halls, they would never look at him with the desire to die for him as their true leader.

He was nothing to them, even though most of the people sitting around him were other heirs who had grown up with him, they used to be kids playing together, later on training together, yet they still want that stranger sitting here instead of him. 

Damian appeared in the hall. Without his white and gold wings, he looked more like a ghost than an angel. Jophiel had to sentence him to be a fallen angel after he figured out that Spirit had escaped from Skydown mainly thanks to him. Damian said he never did anything, the nephilim princess left the building by her own will, he just went after her... but who wanted to believe such a tale. Now, even Jophiel's own lover was against him...

Of course, nobody knew the relationship between Jophiel and Damian. Jophiel was to marry a daughter of a Lord... and he was going to do so, otherwise the power wasn't his... but he wasn't really fond of women. He never really was. 

He knew who to marry that best benefitted him, but since she was a fairy, he couldn't do that. He needed an angel, and a highborn of those. Sadly, none of the current clans had daughetrs of full blooded angels, but there were daughers that were Nephilim. Spirit, for one... and a demon, Iris. 

If he could get a hold of one, he could force the Sub consilium to obey him... But rummor had it that the soul-whisperer was engaged to that stupid Vower, and Iris was nowhere to be found. He could force his men to capture Spirit, force her to break off the engagement, and to marry him, but what was the use? Forcing the Nephilim princess was like oil to the fire of hatred in the hearts of his lords. 

"Lord Jophiel!"- Damian came up to him, whispering in his ear. - "They say the Nephilim Princess had disappeared from the Vower castle. She is not engaged, but the trackers can't find her either."- Half of the news had pleased him, half had annoyed him.

"These Princeps women seems to be harder to find than they worth..."- he murmured. Surely, they worth more than he dared to say, but the fact that both of them could hide from him, and anyone he could hire annoyed him to no end. - "Find her. I don't care what it costs."

Damian bowed his head, but he didn't bother to hide the frown on his face. They haven't slept together since he had sentenced him to be fallen. It was clearly understandable, because in a reverse situation, he wouldn't even bother to stick around Damian, and just take off to work for the Sub consilium... but his frowns and comments made Jophiel mad. He had given Damian more than he had deserved: his wounds were treated after his wings were torn off, he was allowed to stay in the castle, to serve him... which was a great allowance from Jophiel's side. Some even said that he was too soft to be the head of the consilium. 

That was not true, he was just soft when it came to someone he had loved. - "As you wish, m'lord."

With that, he left, and the meeting continued. Jophiel was pleased to hear that the engagement was just a rummor, and that he didn't need to be the bad guy, the one who forces the great nephilim princess to break her love-dovey vows to Rider. Soon enough, he would have her, he hoped. 

Spirit

We sat at the room that once was the meething hall, eating hard cheese, and dried bread. It was an awful taste, but there were onthing else we could eat, unless we went out in the woods to hunt. I had no weapons on, and Morgen was too concerned about safety than to leave me behind while he is gone hunting. 

"You have to make the move." - He said.

"What move?"- I asked back, as I tried to chew my bread, but it was like the leather of my gear boots... and tasted like it as well.

"You know, choosing a husband." - He said, pointing at me with the point of his silver dagger.

"I really don't want to talk about that right now..." - I replied.

"Well, you sort of have to. You are the princess, everyone expects great things from you... and that includes great choices." - He smiled, and put aside his half eaten bread. When I looked at him, all i saw was the moment when he told me he loved me, but what was there to guarantee it? 

What was love anyways, and why did it matter to me? I had to arrange my own marriage, and had to make it count. Morgen was a simple Grigori, known by few... they didn't look up to him, like I did. but still...

"Then I choose you."- I mumbled, feeling my cheeks turn red as a tomato. He told me i shouldn't kiss him or do anything like that as long as I looked for Rider in him. I hated Rider now, just as much as I hated Marcus, and they all were out of the picture. 

So did that mean I was allowed to choose him? 

He looked shocked when i finally had the courage to look up. His blue eyes were open wide, and he raised one of his eyebrows. 

"You can't."- He said finally. - "You have to marry someone noble and worthy of a princess."

"Oh, fuck that!"- I yelled. - "I am just a girl, raised in Santa Fe. I was never a princess, nor want to be. I only keep playing this part so I don't disappoint anyone. I want to be with you." - I said finally, and threw the rest of my bread angrily at the other side of the room. It hit the wall, and crumbled into small pieces.

I turned my head towards Morgen again, and suddenly he reached down, and kissed me. I ran my fingers up on his neck, into his hair, and he pulled me closer with his strong arms. I felt happy... I felt happy, because this time he didn't refuse me.

That kiss tasted sweeter than any of Rider's (or Marcus' for that matter) and suddenly I knew I made a good choice. Silently I thanked my ancestors for the help as I wrapped my arms around Morgen. 

Riddles

I found Joel at the balcony that opened from the main hallway. Since the castle was built on the side of the mountain, it had no garden, only a couple of balconies. He was standing there in a plain white shirt and black breeches with black boots.

"I knew you would come to me." - He said, without turning towards me.

"I wonder how." - I snorted sarcastically. - "Would you care to explain why did you do what you did?"

"What did I do?" - He asked with a faked faked innocent expression. I had a sudden urge to hit him. But I fought off the urge, and walked up to the railing.

"I want to know why did you tell Rider that you had me. That was not the wisest action you could do, because it put all of us at risk. He believed that he was my one and true love, and even though I don't love you, he could have send us away." - I turned towards Joel. - "What had happened between us meant nothing emotionally, and it was a necessary action to heal your wounds, so I do not understand your intentions."

To that, he smirked, and rolled his eyes. - "Of course you wouldn't. You just go around, make all of us believe that you are a helpless little bird, then amaze us with your strength, finally soften us with your affection. You never knew what you do to men..." - I almost laughed at him, with the faked affection in his eyes. Was I supposed to believe this extremely shitty acting?

"I call bullshit on that." - I pointed at him. - "I know you, Joel. I've seen some things you've done, the way you think. You don't fall in love. You did this, because you had something to gain from it."

He licked his lips nervously, and turned his head away. - "Why couldn't you just go on with my version? It would have been so much easier."

"That might have been easier, but I came for the truth, not for some white lie." - I sighed. - "Besides, what would you do if I would have believed that you really fell for me?! Joel, lying to people who look at you as a friend won't do you any good."

"That might be, but it would have kept you safe." - He murmured. - "Can we go and talk in private?" - I just nodded, and we walked back to his bedchamber. Now that Rider knew about the past, it was a risk to go to either of our chambers, but we needed a safe place to talk. I wanted the truth from him.
"I will be honest with you now." - He began as the doors closed behind him - "My father back in Skydown commanded me to win you, to fool you that I love you, and make you love me too. He wanted you to choose me when the time of succession came, so the Severio Clan would connect with the Princeps forever.
I couldn't do much, since I was dying, and soon Skydown was taken over by demons. My brother, Stephen saved me, and brought me here. Then you lost your memory, and I didn't want to even see you, because I knew that at the moment, I would have no chance of pulling you into this plan. eventually the pain got worse, so I didn't really have another choice, but to go and see you, hoping that you had a way to save my life. Then, you came up with the idea that I should mess with your head a little to free your memories. It would have actually worked as we first tried it, just with you holding my hand. It would have been enough, but I saw a chance, and I took it.
Having sex with you wasn't a necessary step for you to have your memories back, nor me to get better. Telling Rider the truth was necessary if I wanted to knock off the competition."

"Joel, this is madness. You do not need to marry me to connect the two clans. We are already connected in an alliance. However, I am very angry with you for lying." - I felt betrayed, all over again. My naivety got me into trouble once again, way too similar to the first one that had broke my heart. - "We have an alliance way stronger than love would ever chain us together. I have shortened my life for you, for fuck's sake!"

"I know, I remember it. You placed a damned scar on my chest, so even if I might forget, all I gotta do is go to the bathroom for a shower, and as soon as I take off my shirt, I would be reminded." - He sat down in an armchair, and dug his hands in his jet-black curls. - "Spirit, this plan that my father had forged is important to me. That was the last thing  he had asked from me."

"So in memory of Rufus, you betrayed me. Well done, Joel." - I was getting more and more angry. - "If you were me, what would you do? Seriously, at the moment, I am just so confused, I don't know what to do with you."

He stood up, and walked towards me. He placed his hand on my neck, and pushed me up against the wall. - "Do not think that you are untouchable, Spirit Princeps. Just because you are a heir of a clan as powerful as yours, you are still just a little guppy trying to swim with the big fish in the pond. You need me to survive." - I pushed him off of me.

"I gave you back your life. Twice... I turned you into a full-blooded angel." - I walked towards him, feeling the flames bursting between my fingertips. - "I am a big fish. I am a Princeps."

"Oh, let me guess, and you 'have your people to protect' as well, don't you?" - He smiled mockingly. - "When we first met, you were a scared little girl, hiding from the big bad demons, frightened to even try to find her sister. You had been hiding in my house, flirted with my brother, and hoped that if you ignore the situation, it would go away.

You are a coward, not a big fish. Haven't you had a good look around? You are the spark that started this war: those words spoken in the meeting hall about rights, and kindness... you set off a bomb. The consilium is not being cruel because they love to harm people, but because that's the only way our kind can be fully controlled: with fear. Your little visions that you share with Rider about a peaceful society would never come true, because the creatures of magic will never live in peace. We are all to hungry for power that there will always be people questioning the person who is on the top ruling them. There will always be riots and traitors among 'your people' hungry for your blood." - I turned my head away from him, because I saw the truth behind his words. He lit a cigarette. I thought he was done, but he continued anyways. - "I am sick of people. You think they are there for you, but all they always want something from you."

"That's kind of ironic coming from you." - I said, and tightened my hands into fists, so the flames would die between my fingers.

"I'd make sure that no harm comes to you, if you would agree to come with me to the Consilium. You would take your rightful place as the head of the Sub, and everything would go back to normal. If you were in that position, you could even change some rules about the brutality without turning people against each other and wetting the lands with their blood."

"But for that, I would have to become your wife, don't I?" - I asked, and I felt annoyance taking over the great amount of anger.

"Why are you so against it? I am offering you a great deal for peace, for a plan that might actually work." - He slowly walked to the windows. - "Look, this isn't just about the war, and all these battles that are being planned to beat the consilium, or the rebels. For me, it is also about me." - I flicked the butt of the cigarette out in the window. - "As selfish as it sounds. I have always been the black sheep of my family; the one that was always good for nothing. If I could prove that I am worthy of something, that would make me feel better... that I wasn't just put into this world to fuck things up."

"You know that it's not true. You could become a legend, if you stay by my side, as a friend. And an ally. If you would come with me, we could show the world your real worth." - I put my hand on his shoulders, but he shook me off.

"This is not a good solution. If you teach the people that they can rebel, and they can win, they would never stop rebelling. You won't be able to hold them in their place. They are not powerless humans. It would only take a handful of them to burn your dreams of this new world to ashes." - He took my right hand in his, staring into my eyes. - "You can stop now, there is still a chance."
As I looked at him, my heart ached, because I knew that he doesn't understand me. He doesn't understand that fear is never the answer. Yes, I might be naive, but I knew that people serve a person they look up to with all of their hearts, while they look forward to the death of the man they fear. I pulled my hand out of his grip, cupped his face in my hands, and hissed his forehead.

"Joel Severio, second son of Lord Rufus, brother of the Depth-Consilium member, Darren Severio... I command you and your brother, Stephen Severio to return to Hell-Blossom." - I have never commanded anyone... never. But I knew that Joel won't leave, if I just asked him to. My lips twitched from my tears that I had held back. - "And never return."

With that, I turned my back on him, and left the room. Angels never prayed. Nor did the Nephilim. But at the moment, I felt the need to ask a greater force for guidance. I didn't know if god existed, I didn't know if anyone hears my prayers, so I turned to the only force I knew about: The nature. I changed clothes to gray pants and a white tank top. I unarmed myself completely, and walked out of the castle. No one tried to stop me, which was good.
I walked out, and following the rocky route, I got to the top of the mountain. One great Oak stood at the top, very similar to the tree of Ambriel. I walked closer, and sat down at the bottom of it. Looking up, the shards of blue sky pierced through the blanket of leaves. This place was peaceful, and quiet. The only sound was the howl of the wind, and the distant sound of the sea. I closed my eyes, and imagined that I was back at the library of powers. My breathing slowed, and the library slowly took shape. Rows of shelves with vibrant colors and shapes, the huge white tree in the middle, breaking through the ceiling, like the trees in the library of Skydown. I walked to the tree, and put a hand on it's white, ghost-like bark. This time my hands didn't slip through it. Biting my lip, I turned around.
What did I need? From one of the rows, a huge falcon flew upwards. It had golden wings, and a silver beak. I ran towards it, trying to catch up. Finally I found it at another place like where the tree stood. It was sitting on the top of a black fountain. Instead of water, the fountain sprayed molten flames of gold, like the flames I have when I fight. On the fountain, A woman sat, carved from the same black marble, holding a plate of golden flames. The falcon screeched at me, and I took a step closer.

Flectebat genu in fronte reginae. - I heard the voice. It was just a soft whisper, but still I was sure, if someone had stood at the other side of this great hall, he would have heard it as well.

"I am sorry, but I do not understand." - I said, and licked my lips nervously.

Bend your knee, when you face the queen. - The voice replied in English now. I looked at the falcon, and slowly knelt down. Was she the queen? But the queen of what? - You are questioning my power and my place. - The voice was calm and cold, like old steel.

"Tell me your name." - I said, as I stood up.

I am the Queen of Wind, the Snow, the Cold, and the Lost. I am the mother of Nephilim. My name is Spiritus Princeps. - The sound was still less than a whisper, almost voiceless.

"You are my grandmother then." - I smiled, and took a step closer, but the falcon took off, and flew to the closest shelf, then settled on top of it. Clearly, it didn't want to be near me. - "Please, I need help."

You do not. Your problem is that you are afraid of connecting your life forever with another individual. - The falcon lowered it's head, and it's shape began to change. Slowly, it became a woman with silver skin, and hair, dressed in a golden gown. But the figure was faint, and see through. - Child, you came from the free lands that I could never see. When I gave birth to Mitis, they forbid me to leave the holy lands ever again. You were born to be free, but still you came back to be the prisoner of the Consilium. Why? - As she talked, her mouth didn't move.

"I came back to free these creatures from the brutality of the consilium, not to be a prisoner." - I corrected her. A thin smile appeared on her beautiful lips. Her hair was braided into a tight french-braid, and the crown on her head seemed to make her uncomfortable with the weight. She wasn't fragile, but she wasn't super muscular either.

You cannot free them. The people ruled by the consilium are selfish creatures, and without a strong hold on them, they would riot and cause chaos among the peaceful. - She said exactly what Joel did. - You don't see it, because you grew up in the world of the living. These people need guidance from a leader they can fear.

"Why do they need to fear us? Why can't thy just look up to the leaders?" - I asked the glowing figure. She floated down from the shelf, walking on thin air, like she was walking down on the stairs.

Jealousy is the poison that kills peace in the matter of seconds. Everyone seeks power, but only some are powerful enough. - She touched my face, but I didn't feel it. - Creatures of magic need fear to be tamed. You have to learn to be cruel, or flee from this world, shut it out, and go back to be a human.

"I can't turn back now." - I said, imagining how would I live, if I was forced to go back to Santa Fe. - "If I have to marry someone to fulfill what is expected from me, then that's what i am gonna do. But who should I marry?"

It is always a hard choice. Chose the one, who is the wisest. Chose the one who cannot live without you, nor you can live without him. Chose the one who would lend you his powers at need, and the one, who would move mountains at your will. But you should make the choice only in head, then wait until he comes to you for your hand. - Spiritus' whisper was faint, but still the best advice I had gotten so far, even though she was talking in riddles.  - When the darkness will take over the day this very night, the moon will not rise. Only a shadow will fill the sky. In the darkest hour, gallop with the soul of the silver stag, dance with the golden fire, and the man of vows will bend a knee at the feet of the Queen of Shadows.

I might have said that Spiritus was helpful two sentences too early. - "What do you mean?"

Tonight, you must decide. But do as I said, and the choice will be clear. - With that, the woman turned into silver mist, and evaporated into the air.
I was back in the present, sitting at the foot of the tree, but I wasn't alone anymore. A tall stag was standing front of me. The sky was black already, and the moon was black, just like Spiritus had told me. He was small, and young. His fur was white and light blue symbols glowed on his fragile body. His antlers were as white as snow. Even though the stag itself was young, it was still bigger than a horse.
The stag had bent a knee, and I gently stroked it's head.

It stood up, and turned his side towards me. I pulled myself up onto its back, and hugged its neck. As soon as the animal felt that I had a good grip, it began galloping down the steep mountain side between the olive trees, then it jumped through a stone gate, and the landscape changed.
Tall trees of pine surrounded us as he galloped as fast as the wind. Soon, other stags and deer joined him. Their hooves drummed on the soft ground, and the faint light of their light blue symbols made the whole forest glow. We got to a small meadow in the middle of the forest, and the stag looked back at me. I got off of it's back, and stroked his huge head. His small, black eyes shone warmly. I hugged the animal's neck, then let him go.
The meadow was lit by a little plunge pool of a waterfall, because the water glowed with the same dim light as the symbols on the stag. There was a man standing in the middle of the water. It was at his hips, and it left the man's back bare. His muscular body was perfectly shaped, and a tattoo was on his back. A tattoo of a phoenix.

His hands were lit by golden flames, just like the ones I use. He was taller than it seemed at the first, but as I got closer, I could see that he was way taller than me.
The phoenix on his back was embraced by two terrible scars in a V shape. the scars collided at the base of his back. The man had golden hair, floating around him. As he turned his head towards me, I already knew that my eyes would meet those aquamarine eyes that I thought I knew so well.

The man of Vows.... Rider Vower. It seemed like everything was circling around him, every road lead back to him. He was there, staring at me. It was time to dance with golden flames, so I spread my arms out wide, and let the golden fire burst from my fingertips. They crept up my arms until my elbows.

Rider reached out towards me.

It's Not about Me Anymore

I was standing on top of a hill in the middle of the training field, trying to catch my breath. A thin layer of sweat covered my face and my back, dust stuck to my skin, and my hands were sticky with the blood of the mutants that were released on me. Those things weren't exactly living creatures: they were the children of the laboratories and the doctors working in them. All of them had the features of an existing creature, like nephilims, or demons, but they didn't think, nor slept. They did what they were told. They didn't feel pain, and they were created to fight us until they die.

At first I didn't believe that they don't have feelings, and that they don't move if they are not told to do so... but as I watched them fight the other people in the training, and I became horrified. If the attendant couldn't kill him, then the trainer didn't stop the mutant until the final blow. It was brutal.
Faylinn killed all of them with one or two blows, but not all of us were that practiced with the mutants.
There was a girl, who arrived at the training a week later than I did. She had long, curly brown hair that was down to her hips, and she had vibrant blue eyes. I couldn't tell what her race was, because I never saw her fighting. Mostly people just ignored her, and she seemed like she didn't really like that, even though most of the time she was reading a romance novel.

A mutant with the powers of a demon jumped me from behind, and I barely had time to pull the dagger out from my boots, and finish off the creature as fast as I could. I was already covered with wounds. They weren't deep, but hurt enough to make it hard to concentrate.
There was only four of them left, but I couldn't see them.
I was silently cursing Rider for insisting on doing this goddamn training before we could do the coronation and the removal of my people from this castle, and move into Nikolai's castle for a while. Obviously, he had his reasons for doing this: he knew who I really was; a weak half-human, raised by the human ways, unable to decide between two possibilities that included the life of innocent people. He knew that I was not fit for the position of inheriting the throne of my father, and he wanted to show that to the people who wanted to follow me. He wanted them to see me in combat, and that he was a much better leader than I could ever be.

That was a pretty good plan, but he didn't know that I was determined to end this war. I couldn't just sit back, and watch the creatures of this word fight until only a couple of us remain... these people needed justice, not war.
I knew that I needed to fight for what I believe in, there was no doubt, but unlike Rider, I wanted to do it with the least casualty as possible, mostly fight the war sitting around the table, and pierce with the sword of words instead of a sword of steel.

I spied a mutant above me. Wings spread out wide, it's skin glittering with a metallic glow. I slid my dagger back to my boots, and shot an arrow at the creature. With a sound like nails on the chalkboard, it fell from the sky, landing on it's head.
Suddenly all the remaining three mutants were around me. I was surrounded. I dropped my bow on the ground, and decided to use the only thing I was really good at: magic.
Golden flames burst from my fingertips, slowly creeping up my arms like a snake. As they jumped at me - at the same time, of course - I flicked my wrists, and the fire snakes that wrapped around my arms reacted like whips, and wrapped around the throat of two of the things that were coming towards me. I pulled them together, and they smashed at the third creature. It didn't respond, but the other two collapsed, and after a last twitch, they died - the whip burned trough the skin of their throat.
The most frightening thing about these mutants was that they didn't feel pain at all. If you kicked them, they fell, like a normal person would, but before you could put your leg down, they were back on their feet, attacking. They all had inhumanly blue eyes, vibrant, flaming. Their skin was like mercury, and when they got real close to you, you could feel cold radiating from them. I had a feeling that these things shouldn't exist.
I killed the last one with gripping it's face with my flaming hand. The skin sizzled, and slowly melted away from the skull. When it was all gone, and the creature could no longer move, I tightened my grip, and the skull crushed under my fingertips. Black demon blood covered my hands, and where it got into my wounds, it burned like hell. As soon as the corpse of the last mutant collapsed at my feet, the hill disappeared, and I was standing in the training hall again. These simulations were too real for my taste.

A nurse came up to me, and began treating my wounds. Rider entered the hall, slowly clapping his hands.

"WHAT a surprise!" - He said. - "I didn't expect you to finish the mutants off with such brutality."

"When in Rome, do as the Romans." - I said. He wanted me to feel bad for killing those creatures. For the record, I hated myself for it, but I would never confess that to someone who was playing a dirty game to destroy my chances in this war.

"Ohhh." - He folded his arms front of his muscular chest. The nurse cut the sleeves of the plain black, long sleeved t-shirt off, and cleaned my wounds.  The mutants were programmed not to harm our vital organs, so I only had wounds on my legs, arms, shoulders, and cheeks. Even though they were nice to most of our body parts, my arms looked like I had been waltzing with Jack Scissorhands for the past two weeks. Thanks to the healing spells, I only had white scar tissue, but it was still pretty disgusting.
However I found it amusing to wear low-back tops, which showed off the large claw-marks on my back that I can thank to Rider. I never asked him how did he do that, but every time someone asked me when he was around about the scar, he interrupted saying that I was fighting a full fledged. Only three people know the honest truth about it: Morgen, Rider, and I.

I stripped off the remaining  the top, and fixed the strap of my sports-bra. My skin was suntan for most part, thanks to the weather here, but my scars were in all kinds of colors from dark red to white. I picked up my bow from the ground.

"So what do you want?" - I asked. There had been a tension between us. I confess: I was the one, who always became arrogant and acted like a jerk in our conversations, but it was a natural defense... defense against him. When I looked at him, I could feel his soft lips on mine, the light touch of his rough hands on my hips, and I could almost taste him, and that was bad.

"I came because there is a small problem with your coronation." - He said.

"Oh, c'mon. What is it now?" - I could feel that he was happy to be able to delay it once more.

"The wedding." - He said with a malevolent smirk on his perfectly shaped, full lips.

"What wedding?" - My eyes widened, and I began praying deep inside that he was just joking.

"See, that's the problem. You need to be married to inherit the throne. No offense, but we both know that you won't marry anyone for the benefit of others. And since there is no wedding, there cannot be a coronation." - He playfully licked his lower lip, and then bit it. I was raging. I couldn't believe I had forgotten about the marriage. Trident had told me that there will be a time, when I have to make my choice.

"I knew about the wedding thing. I knew it, I just forgot." - I mumbled.

"So are you willing to marry just to be crowned as the next head of the family?" - he asked with a smile of disbelief playing at the corner of his mouth.

"I am considering." - I replied. I wanted this. I wanted to be the heir. I didn't want the wedding for sure, but what else could I do. - "Any ideas for the groom?" - I asked, and I could feel the wicked smile spread across my face.
I had a burning hate inside of me towards Rider for using me, and I knew that what I was doing hurt him, but at the moment, I didn't give a fuck. The smile didn't disappear from his lips, like I expected. I reached up to my hair to tie it in a pony tail, and seeing that my hands were occupied, he took a step closer, and creased the side of my torso with his hand. I rolled my eyes. - "Rider, I am covered with a fine layer of sweat, I stink of demon blood and burnt skin, and I hate you. Do you really wanna keep on doing this?"

"You can't possibly choose a better husband to be by your side, than me." - He said.

"Yes I can. If I marry Jophiel, I could convince him to do a parley, or if I marry Haniel, I can join forces with the Depth-Consilium." - I said, and took a step back, putting some distance between us. - "There are many great men around us, many who are way more useful to my purpose, than you."

"That might be, but none of them knows your body like I do." - He said obviously referring to that night in Seattle. Personally I couldn't understand his reasons for making such a big deal out of it.

"I'm afraid that's not true." - I heard another voice from the back. Joel stood at the double winged iron doors that lead into this practice room. He looked different than usual. The curly, coal black hair that usually had a chestnut light when the light fell upon him turned to this blueish gleam, and his skin was paler, smoother, more perfect. His face was freshly shaved, and there was absolutely no sign of stubble.

"What do you mean?" - Rider asked while he raised an eyebrow.

"Joel, no." - I breathed in horror. If Rider is told what had happened, shit will hit the fan. I knew I was wrong not to tell him what had happened, and I was cruel for letting him think that eventually I would come back to him, but what other choice did I have? If I would have told him that Joel and I came to know each other a little more than we would like to, then he would grow to hate both of us.
Which would cost a lot to my plans. Right at the moment, he let us stay in here while I got the answer from Haniel about the alliance. That was more than I could ask for. Even though Nikolai promised to shelter us in his castle, he was not exactly the person I would trust with my people. If Rider throws us out because of that one thing... that would be fatal for all of us.

"Why not?" - Joel asked. - "Rider is a friend of mine. He has the right to know that I too had the chance to fuck you."

I felt my eyes widen. One thing was for certain: Joel did have a tongue which was dangerously bold. I looked at rider, but he was staring at Joel with murderous eyes, while he clenched his jaw.

"When did you plan to tell me that?" - Rider asked me without taking his eyes off of Joel. - "Hoe many times did it happen?"

"You wouldn't understand my reasons about this." - I begun as I started to scrub off the silvery blood from my dagger. - "It didn't happen because we wanted to, it wasn't because I love him, nor because he loves me. It meant nothing of that sort."

Rider snatched the dagger from my hand, annoyed, then he threw it away. The blade chattered on the concrete floor. - "Then what the hell?" - The edge of his mouth twitched.

"It was the matter of life or death." - I mumbled, not daring to look at him.

"Yeah, sure... having him fuck you was surely the matter of life or death." - He said while rolling his eyes. I turned my attention towards Joel.

"What was this good for?" - I asked him, and pushed him aside when he tried to come up to me. - "I thought we agreed that it meant nothing, and that we would not speak of it."

"No, we agreed that we won't happen again." - He corrected me. I glanced at Rider, and for some reason, I felt awfully guilty for what I did. I knew that it had saved Joel, and gave me back my memories, and that he had lied to me many times, but it just seemed cruel of me.

"Still, I do not understand your reasons... what do you want to gain from telling Rider about something that was meaningless for both of us?" - That was true... I didn't see hi reasoning, but I sensed that something was fishy about the whole let's-tell-him business.

"What does it matter now?" - Rider asked, finally turning towards me. - "At least now I know how much of a whore you are. How many other men did you let into your bed? Morgen? Stephen? Maybe even Haniel had tasted the pleasures of the Princeps Heir?" - He said with a hurt voice, but his words pained me more than he thought they would. No doubt: his intentions were to hurt me.

"Besides Joel, only one man had been invited to my bed, but he turned out to be two-faced liar, who used me, then faked his death, letting me go almost insane when I believed he was dead. He was the only man who have ever meant anything to me. I haven't loved anyone like I loved him, but he clearly didn't worth my time." - I said, and I went after my dagger to pick it up.
I picked up the blade, and put it back in my boot. - "I know you had been trying very hard to make me believe that you did love me, even though I told you that we have no future like this..."

"Why the hell are you trying to explain this to him?" - Joel asked me - "You had some fun without him, you just overthink."

"That was not for fun, Joel." - I had enough. Joel wanted to gain something from this situation, and I was tired of feeling bad for others. I simply walked out, and slammed the door behind myself. I had way more than enough problems even eithout him fucking up everything that I had planned.
There was the training, this whole wedding problem, the removal of my people from here to keep them safe. There was the alliance proposal to Haniel, and the coronation. I should be negotiating with the Consilium, trying to make peace with them, come up with a solution wich statisfies all of us. The coronation, and I wanted to take back Skydown. That was the home of these people, who came following me, and that was the home of my father. He never had a proper funeral, and I just felt like he should have had one.

I hurried up to my room, wich was on the third floor by the Lord Chamber, which belonged to Rider. I told him that I want a room which is not so close, but he insisted. I bet that right now he regretted that decision.
The bathroom was small, and smelled of magnolias. I took a quick bath, washed off all the filth of my skin. The water felt like acid on my wounded arms, but I didn't care.
The scent of magnolias filled the air, and I got more and more relaxed, even though my stomach still felt like someone tied it in a knot. I didn't know how Rider will react to this sudden twist. Hell, I didn't know how should I react to this mess. I thought I can trust Joel, but after today, I feel like we wasn't on my side at all. But then who's side he's on?

Scrubbing my skin with the sweet scented soap, I had a really bad feeling... Darren was a member of the Depth-Consilium, serving Haniel and Jophiel. He was never fond of the consilium, he was the one who got me out of the LA institute on the first place, but now he was a member of the consilium itself.
So if he got the command to get me out of my hiding place, would he do it? Would Joel agree to it?

By the time I got out of the Bathtub, my fingertips were wrinkled and pale. As I looked at the mirror, I realized that even if I knew what I wanted to do once, and I knew how to acchieve it, now I had no fucking clue.
Wrapped my towel aroud me, and walked out to the room. I wasn't even surprised to find Rider sitting on my bed.

"If you want to send us away, don't worry: I get dressed, and then I will start gathering my people. We'll leave by dawn." - I murmured, and took a step to my drawyer which was right by my bed.
But instead of the reaction I expected (statisfiedly walk out) he gently pinced my towel, and pulled me towards him. Rider pulled me closer and closer until I knelt on the bed by him with my left leg. My right leg was between his legs.

"I don't want you to leave." - He said. - "Yes, it felt shitty to get to know that you had been fucking with Joel... but I don't want you to leave."

"Rider, I only had sex with Joel once... and that didn't meant anything to me." - I knew that it was a dangerous game to play, but I was relieved that he didn't turn against me.

"You know what surprises me the most?" - He asked, and brushed my face gently. - "That you sound guilty."

"I told you before... I loved you then, I still have feelings for you, and probably I will have those feelings for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I want to be with you... however the fact that I try to stay away from you doesn't mean I won't feel guilty for having intim moments with others." - I whispered, because the fact that he was so close to me with his hands around me made me weak at my knees.

"Think about how easier would it be, if you would just simply accept my proposal." - He whispered in my ear, while he reached under my towel. I gasped in surprise, but I didn't push away. - " You and I would change the world together. You wouldn't need to feel bad anymore.." - He pinched my chin between his index and thumbfinger. His proposal to be partners was reasonable to a certain level... but only to a certain level. I felt his hot breath on my lips, and the smell of winter was sensible on him. How does winter smell? Well, that is an undescribable smell that I grew to know in Skydown. It is a special scent with the smell of chilly sunlight, frost, snow, and cold skin.

"It is certainly a tempting proposal, but I doubt it would be the best choice for you, or for me." - I said, and leaned a little closer, and our lips were only a half inch away. It wasn't just the proposal that was tempting: his touch, his aquamarine eyes, his golden hair, his deep voice that was like molten dark chocolate, the scent of his cologne, and the smell of winter in his breath. All that pulled me in like a black hole. I tried to fight it as much as I could but it was not an easy task.

"Even if you're not my best choice, nor I am your best..." - He looked down, and took a deep breath when he looked up again, in his hand, he was holding a small object. - "I don't wanna see you with anyone else. I can't." - He reached his hand towards me, and a ring was in his hand.

"Rider... I can't.." - I looked at him, and pushed a lock of hair out of his face. - "You know I can't choose just like that..."

"At least thing about this." - He said, and dug his hand into my hair as he slid the ring into my palm with his other hand. - "Please." - Our lips touched, and the soft kiss devoured all my power to fight his touch. His scent embraced me, and I felt this fase feeling of safety all over again. Suddenly a feeling ran through me that I was making a terrible mistake. I might still have feelings for Rider, but there are so many cons when I run through the pros-and-cons-list in my head. Why do I need to mess up everything.

I withdrew from his arms, and backed away until my back was against the wall. - "Can you leave me alone for a little?"

"Sure." - I saw disappointment in his eyes, and I felt ashamed. As the door closed behind him, I slid down to the floor, staring at the ring. Another jewelry that will be there to remind me of him, another piece of metal and crystal to drive me mad when I feel it on myself.
I quickly stood up, and shoved the ring into a small box, and shut it. I can't marry him. I can't put the faith of my people in his hands. I can't risk the lives of innocent people.

I needed to talk to Joel. To know why did he came in the training room today, and why.

Plans

Joel was alive, and I was back. My memories, my feelings, my pain, everything was back. And just then, I realized that I have no idea where the fuck I am, and as a foolish little girl, I never asked.
I stared at myself in the mirror from sitting on the bed.
My memories were back, but I still didn't know who I was. I still didn't know what the people expected from me. Was I a leader? Was I a dead weight? No one ever told me what my role was in this chaos.

I sighed, and went to the door. I was afraid to even touch the doorknob.
And finally, I realized what had happened. I realized how much of a dumbass I had been, and how afraid I was. I didn't want to die, I didn't want to be hurt. I was afraid that people would hurt me physically and mentally at the same time.
I dropped on the floor, and just wrapped my hands around myself. I didn't cry; I couldn't. I was just sitting there, hoping that one day it all will end. Hoping that one day I would cope with the whole thing.
The door opened silently, and Rider stepped in into the room. Hatred rose in my chest, but I decided to swallow it. There was no time for this. I had to get to know what was going on.

"Hey darling.." - He greeted me, and helped me stand up. - "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. I think I am well enough to be moved out from the hospital wing, and start to take part in the everyday life." - Whatever that means I added silently inside my head. Rider's face lit up, and he took my hand. It felt strange to have him hold my hand, fingers braided together, because it seemed like everything was fine, while inside we both knew that something was off. He didn't mention it, because he wanted to show with the daughter of a consilium leader, as sign of the resistance, and I didn't say anything because I wanted to know as much as I can before he realizes that I know everything.

"I am glad that you feel that way. I was actually meaning to ask you to join me as soon as you feel better, but seems like you read my mind." - He smiled, and kissed my forehead. Even though I knew that this was just acting from him, I wanted it be real. I wanted Rider to be mine again... we he was never mine in the first place, but I wanted to feel like he really loves me, even if it was all just a dream.

"Join you? Why, what are you guys doing? And who else is involved?" - I asked.

"We are destroying the consilium. It's time that their empire falls. It's just so flawed, so brutal, so unfair towards everybody. People need a system that treats them the way they deserve to be treated." - Rider said as we walked down the white corridors. The hospital wing smelled of blood, medicines, and death. It was not a welcoming scent at all. I was glad that this awful smell didn't get in my room.
I was surely mad at Rider, and I obviously felt betrayed by him, but I shared his viewpoint about the Consilium, which practiced unlimited powers, treating the people like shit. - "Many of the people you know are involved in the project. Ever since the demons destroyed the Sub-Consilium in Skydown, a lot of members joined us."

"And what do you expect me to do?" - I wasn't sure what could I do for the project to be successful, or if I want it to be successful at all. I wasn't sure how this whole thing worked. The demons are supposed to be part of the Depth-Consilium, so it seemed rather strange to know that they went against my father's Consilium, like a dog biting its own tail.

"Take part in the meetings, give your opinions and ideas. I want you to be that sparking person you used to be. I want you to show them all how powerful you really are." - Enthusiasm glowed in his aquamarine eyes.

"So they will fear me?" - I pulled my hand out of his hold. - "Rider, you are asking me to be like Michael was; to keep people in fear so they will obey us. If we do things like that, we are no better than the consilium right now!" - I said. Hi eyes widened.

"No, you get me wrong, I meant that you should show them how strong you are so they will look up to you, but not in fear. Just like you look up to your sister for being such a strong person." - He said. The mention of my sister tightened my heart.

"I think I am the wrong person for this. You need someone to be by your side with the same intentions as your own." - I looked up at him, and for the first time, I knew what to say, and what to do... and not because of what my ancestors were whispering to me. - "Rider, this is not my life, not the life I want. I am not some symbol. I think it's time for me to take my leave." - I grabbed his hands, and stared into his aquamarine eyes. - "There are things I have to do, and a war is not on my to-do-list right now, nor ever be." - As the words left my lips, I knew I was doing the right thing.

"Are you going to search for Iris?" - He asked, and I could see sadness in his eyes.

"If she would be your sister, you would search for her too, won't you?" - I asked. He nodded. His hands fell out of my grip as I loosened my hold, and I began to turn away, when he suddenly put his hand on my right shoulder.

"There is one thing you should know about the past before you go." - Rider said, then cleared his throat. - "We had sex in Seattle, but that time, you were just a weapon for me, or at least I thought so... up until the news had reached me that you had been captured by the consilium. You will hate me when your memories return, because when you figured it out, I couldn't explain myself. I have never been the master of words, and you know that..." - He sighed, and dug into his golden hair. - "I just want to say sorry. For being a jerk to you then, for not giving you the love that you deserved, for not being able to use the right words, and for the scar on your back. It was all my fault, and I know I fucked it all up." - He rubbed his face his hands, and then looked up at me. Rider's eyes were red, like he was about to cry.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" - I asked, pretending to be unable to remember of the things he was talking about.

"I was afraid. You acted like nothing was wrong, and I was afraid to lose you again, even though I perfectly knew that eventually it will happen, and you will hate me when it happens." - For a long moment, we were just staring into each other's eyes.

"My memories had returned." - I said as I looked away. He was gasping for air, like a fish out of the water. - "I remember everything that had been sealed away, and you are right, I do hate you. I don't understand why do you have to keep on acting once it means nothing for any of us. You already got what you wanted then, so why do you want to keep on hurting me?" - I asked quietly.

"What do you mean it means nothing to any of us? To me it did mean a lot." - He said. - "And it still does."

"Just tell me what do you want from me already." - I sighed. - "I am getting tired of this love-hate relationship that we are in ever since you were on the phone with Morgen. I want to move on, and I think you should too."

"Now you are the one, who is hurting the other." - He said, and hugged himself tightly. The move made him look strangely vulnerable.

"Oh please, you never loved anyone, but Adriel." - I rolled my eyes. The people around us, wandering up and down in the corridor of the hospital-wing began to stare. Rider grabbed my arm, and pulled me into a storage room. The room smelled like dust and piss. It was disgusting to a level, where it was not even funny anymore.

"Why do you keep bringing her into these conversations? I am over her, and I hate her with burning passion for letting me fall alone, and you know that because you have seen that memory." - He said. - "You know more about me, than anyone else, so why are you keep questioning me about my intentions towards you? Isn't it clear? I love you, for fuck's sake! I would move mountains for you, I would turn the heaven into hell... I would do anything for you, but you just don't want to believe me."

"No, Rider." - I began, however, I was still in shock because of hearing him saying that he loves me. It couldn't be true, and I knew I should avoid him, but that confession still made my heart skip a beat. - "I know what you decided to show me, while I thought you couldn't stop me from seeing the memories that you were hiding. There are things I believed in, and I can't go on like this. I can't trust you anymore, no matter what you do. Maybe somewhere in the future you will be able to prove that you really did mean the words you just said, but right now, I wan't us to cool off, have a little time for both of us to think it through. I know you think I am unfair towards your feelings now, but I actually still love you, and that scares me. I am afraid to get hurt, and to trust you again. You were my first, and I will probably love you somewhere deep inside as long as I live, but I can't do this anymore." - I turned away to leave the storage room, but he turned me around, and kissed me. This time, there was no force in it, just a soft kiss, a question braided into a goodbye gesture. A question that if I answer, my heart will be heavy as I leave this place.
That felt like deja vu, since this had happened to me before. Back in Seattle, I knew that if I let him love me then, I will be hurt for the rest of my life. I just didn't imagine it to turn out to be like this. This time, I was smarter, and didn't move a muscle. I didn't push him away, but I didn't kiss him back either.
I was smarter, but not the smartest. I should have pushed him away, but I told the truth: deep inside somewhere I was still in love with him, no matter what I tried to make myself believe. I was lying to myself, so why did I try to make them tell me the truth? People lied to me, because I was naive. Because I love easily. Because I get hurt easily. Because I was too fragile to be strong.

"I am sorry." - he said as our kiss ended. His forehead was leaned against mine, which was quite the achievement, if we consider, that I was almost too short to lean my head on his shoulders. - "I hope one day we can leave this all behind ourselves, and be like we were before you left the flat in Seattle."

"You know that will never happen." - I whispered back, and then stepped away from him, and left the storage room. I hurried down the corridor, not knowing where to go, just wanted to leave as quick as I could.
I was rushing down a hallway, when I bumped into a familiar face.

"Faylinn!" - I gasped.

"Oh, hi!" - She looked me up and down. - "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah. I am just about to leave." - I smiled back.

"Who else is in your team? Because I want to go with you. And I bet Onyx and Anouck would wanna go too!" - She said, and fixed her shirt with a swift move.

"You don't even know where I'm going.." - I said.

"Does it matter?" - She smiled - "Whatever you do, we are with you."

"I am glad to hear it, but that's absurd. You do not know me at all, and you say you would risk your life for me? Seriously, Faylinn, I doubt that you thought this trough." - I could't see why she cares about my business. I wouldn't care about hers if it was the other way around.

"I don't think you thought it through." - She replied, and put her hands on her hips. - "Many of us only came here, because everyone we looked up to died in Skydown. We all came, because you were brought here, and you are one of the Princeps clan, the heir, and we all know that your heart is pure, and that you will lead us to some place better."

"Why do you all want things from me?" - I burst out. - "All I want is to go and find my sister, and if I can, I will to heal her. These are all I want to do. I am not going to lead anyone to some Nirvana... I just want my sister back. That's all."
Faylinn put her hand on my shoulders, and sighed.

"They didn't tell you what had happened at Skydown?" - She said as she opened her large, brown eyes. She reminded me of a fawn. - "The demons slaughtered most of the consilium members that were on Ambriel's side. Many of them... but only the ones that were more faithful to the head of the Sub-Consilium, than they were to the Head-Consilium. My father, Lord Trident, Lord Rufus, and many more. They were killed because the Head-Consilium was afraid that the Sub-Consilium would turn into the Head-Consilium, and they would lose their influence and power. They even killed the new head they just choose, because she went to negotiate with Ambriel about your sister. Just by choosing to be willing to travel to a far away city for a meeting, she had lost the trust of her council, and they turned against her.
You don't know what chaos in on the world right now. We are following you, because of a letter that some of the heirs of the noble families, whose parents were killed that night in Ambriel's room. The letter was about your coronation, which is due three days from today. He wanted to resign to hand you his powers, and he believed that you will be a great head of the Sub-Consilium. Spirit, it's not just about you anymore. It's about all of us, who lost our parents, and inherited a responsibility to give guidance to our kind." - She was close to crying, thinking about her father. I knew, because I was familiar with the feeling. - "Now we are the ones, who have a choice. We sit in the seats where our parents used to, and it's our job to govern our people. You are the Nephilim Princess, and three days from now, you will be the Nephilim Queen. I am the Queen of Fairies. Anouck is the King of the Sea. We all have people we need to protect."

"You grew up as part of this, but I have never been good at being a leader, Faylinn. My sister knows way more, and so do my brothers. Make them heirs, not me." - I complained. Without any warning, Faylinn slapped me across the face.

"You have to stop whining about the things you want. There are needs of others." - She said. And the worst feeling was that she was right. Who was I to complain? It was me, who was never able to do any good to anyone.
I took a deep breath, and bit my lip for a moment as I was digesting what she said about Skydown.

"If the previous head of the Head-Consilium is killed, who is on the throne?" - I asked.

"Jophiel. The son of Michael, last living member of the Cleric clan." - She said. I remembered Jophiel from the meeting. His shaggy blonde hair and clear blue eyes.

"My name is Jophiel Cleric. Son of Michael. I am pleased to meet the Nephilim Princess."

I could almost hear his crisp voice saying these words. Almost. 

"How many of us are opposing the Consilium?" - I asked.

"Every member of the Sub-Consilium, Spirit." - She said. I sighed. That meant more than three thousand people were standing at my door, knocking for shelter, and for guidance. 

I began thinking it through. I have a large group of magical creatures who are willing to serve me, and I have a boy seeking vengeance for the death of his lord father on my family. He must have know that the demonic mob was coming to attack Skydown, so when he introduced himself, maybe he thought I would die in the sudden attack as well. 

"Is there a room for me, where I can change clothes?" - Faylinn nodded, and waved, signing that I should follow her. 

She lead me upstairs, and when I looked outside of the windows, a huge gap was there with a deadly drop at the other side of the glass. Burning sunlight radiated a huge amount of heat. - "Where are we?" - I asked as we were hurrying up a staircase.

"We are in Greece, and this is a castle that was built in the mountainside centuries ago. It's the property of the Vowers. It's Rider's territory." - She SMTH-ed, like it was pathetic, but c'mon... he owned a castle. - "This place had been occupied as a mental hospital over the years for people like us, but when Rider had to disappear from the sight of the consilium , he basically killed every patient, who was in the hospital. Poor things never knew what hit them."

"That explains the smell of blood in the wing where I was for weeks." - I said. 

"No that was the people escorted here from Skydown. After the surprise attack on the city, many of the people flee wherever they could, but many got wounded. A patrol group that works for Ambriel - and came after you - was sent back into the city to save as many people as they can." - She fished out a key from her pocket, and unlocked the old, wooden door. - "Many of the escorted people died not long after their arrival in the castle."

"How do you know so much about everything?" - I was amazed of how much information she carried in her head. It was a miracle that it was still the size of a normal head.

"I have been attending meetings with the other heirs." - She said, and pulled me inside of the room, and then locked the door behind us. - "Get a gear, and the weapons you need. I'll get dressed too, and then we can go to notify the others about the plan."

There were large boxes stocked upon each other, and each of them contained a piece of clothing. I searched until I found something that was wearable enough for my taste. Soft black breeches and a loose white shirt that had the least ruffles I could find. I pulled on shiny black boots, and fastened them with the weary yellowish copper clasps. I pulled a dark cloak over my shoulders, and fastened it with a same colored copper as the clasps on my boots. It was shaped as an angel's wings. I fastened a scabbard on my hips, and took off a sword from the wall, where there were lines and lines of weapons.

I chose that sword, because two words were carved into the blade: Princeps Iustitiae. Back then, I only chose it, because I saw the name of my clan on the blade, now I know that those words weren't there because the blade belonged to my family, but because the blade belonged to Spiritus Princeps. My ancestor. The Princess of Justice. That's what those words meant. I put it away into the scabbard, and hooked a quiver on the other side of my hips. I filled it with arrows, and picked a bow. It was plain dark brown with a simple black string. Nothing fancy. I pulled on the archer gloves that were folded onto a nice little pile by the bows and arrows. 

It became my habit to hide a dagger in my boots, so that's what I did again. When I was finished, I walked back to Faylinn, and she changed into pants too. However her clothes were way more decorated: She wore white breeches, with soft brown leather boots that were decorated with golden amber. She wore a plain cream colored shirt, and the same brown vest as her boots. There was a red velvet colored strip of cloth tightly wrapped around her hips and waist. She had a long-sword in a scabbard, just like me, but on the other side of her hips instead of a quiver, she had a rope. I didn't really understood it at first. Her hands were covered by soft brown leather gloves that left her fingers bare. She draped a cream colored cloak over her shoulders which had the Faerydae sigil on the back in just a shade lighter color than the cloak, but it sparked with gold as the light fell on it. Faylinn pulled her hair back in a tight ponytail, and she had a golden circlet on her head. She really looked like a fairy queen now that I looked at her. 

"I want the coronation to take place today." - I said. - "After that, we will move out from this castle. This place belongs to Vower, and I want none of it."

"Where do you suggest we go?" - I could hear a bit of annoyance in her voice. - "This place is almost the safest place for us."

"Almost?" - I asked back.

"Well, there is the fairy kingdom..." - She began, but I cut her off.

"The consilium expects us there." - I said. - "Isn't there a place, protected by spells, half way under the ground, and has it's own guardsmen, so we can leave our people to rest?" - I asked.

"You want a castle that's hidden by land, and spells?" - She asked.

"And we need allies as well. Vower will be a backup plan. I wish to shut him out of this as much as possible. He is not the part of the original consilium." - I said. Names fluttered up and down in my head, as I tried to recall the names of the people I had met at the meeting in Skydown. 

Then it came to me. - "Is Xerxes still alive?"

"Yes, but he resigned.." - Faylinn said with a confused expression. - "Why?"

"Is Haniel working with the Head-Consilium?" - I asked. Faylinn got more and more confused, but I was getting really into this. If I wanted to save my sister, I had to do that while I was dealing with this havoc that took over half of our world. The Consilium wants to take over control again, while Rider tries to destroy them. 

"He obeys the orders he gets, if that's what you're asking." - She murmured.

"But is he loyal to Jophiel?" - I asked.

"I don't know Haniel that much." - She spread her arms out wide. 

"Please, lead me to the other heirs." - I asked her. - "There is a chance that Haniel only obeys, because he has no reason not to. He doesn't care about the business of the consilium as long as he does not ave to clean up it's mess. If they ask him to pick out a herd of demons to burn up a city, that's an easy task. If they tell him to kill a friend... now, he will think twice. Also, he is good friends with the Severio brothers." - I said.

"Darren sits in the Depth-Consilium by Haniel. He took over Rufus' place after his death." - Faylinn said.

"That's actually perfect. We have Joel and Stephen on our side. Both of them are friends with Haniel and me. They are also friends with Rider." - I said as I followed her. Faylinn's long legs covered a larger distance than I thought at first, so I really had to hurry to keep up with her. - "We need someone in the Head-Consilium as well... any ideas?" - I asked.

"Damian." - She said without hesitation. - "And maybe Elise."

"I know Damian, but who is Elise?" - I asked. 

"You'll see. Now, I think I get what you are trying to say. The Depth-Consilium is located on Hell-Blossom, and it has an underground part, the cave city. But it sounds suicidal." - Faylinn murmured and she stopped at a door.

"I know, that's why we're gonna ask Joel to negotiate with his older brother, and we keep it secret from the consilium. They would never expect us to hide in their own territory." - I was getting better at thinking with others head while I was trying to shut out the voices from my own... seems like it was a great thing to learn. Faylinn opened the doors, and we walked into a large room with the tables set up exactly the same as it was set up in Skydown. But there was no podium, and no thrones. Every chair was at the same height, and every table was the same.

Rider sat right front of me, wearing a black sweater, and black jeans. His golden hair was floating around him, like he was under water. He sat in a lazy position, resting his head on his right palm as he leaned over the table. Beside him a girl sat with tan skin and creme colored eyes. I immediately recognized Bat. She looked up at me, and nodded. I nodded back.

On Rider's other side the guy sat who questioned me about my sister on the consilium meeting, accusing me of being weak. I took a deep breath. I looked around, but all I saw was tired faces. Anouck was there, Onyx, Stephen and Joel, and many other faces that I did not recognize. 

"Can I help you, Lady Princeps?" - Rider asked in a cold tone. 

"I came here, because I want to inform my friends that I will set off soon to Hell-Blossom. First, I have to negotiate with Haniel and Darren, but my main goal will be to find a way to keep our existence as a secret in a city where we will not be searched." - I said. - "We need a hideout until we figure out a way to destroy the head consilium. Any of the present people want to come with me?" - I asked. I didn't want to force anyone into this. It was their choice, and they needed to choose between the Rebels and the Sub-Consilium. I know that our main goal was about the same: wipe out the Head-Consilium, and replace them with a group that would treat people like they deserved to be treated.

"I am with you." - Joel said after a small pause. - "Sorry Rider, but I think it's better that way."

"I'm going too." - The man said who told me I was weak. His ash colored skin seemed paler than ever. The fact that he was second to stand up for me was one of the biggest surprises of the day. After him, the people stood up one after another.

In just a matter of seconds, only Rider remained seated.

"So, are you taking all my men?" - Rider asked.

Nikolai Aswang

"They are not your men." - I rolled my eyes. - "These are free people. Nobody is forcing them. They have a free will, you know. They have feelings, and hopes. Next time you should consider that." 

My last two sentences made him twitch a little. 

"I offer my castle to stay at until we have a result from Haniel." - Said the ash colored fellow.

"I am so sorry, my lord, but could you tell me your name?" - I asked. Now that I looked closely, he was dressed in a weird, furry top... what...

"I am Nikolai Aswang." - He said. - "My castle is in Romania. I am the great great grandson of Dracula. You must have heard of the old man." - At that moment, he smiled wickedly. His fangs showed for a moment, and cold chill ran down on my spine. But at the next moment, he covered them with his lips.Vampires..