Undefined

I was treated like a little kid for the next two weeks. There had been people who said they knew me, people who claimed to be my friends, and people I actually knew. One day a boy came in, his skin pale white, his eyes blue as the sea, and his black hair was curled in cute little curls. But he looked as if he was very sick...

"Hey..." - He said. his voice was very faint.

"Hello..." - I pulled up my legs as I sat on top of the covers. 

"They told me you don't remember anything... not even me." - He looked a little sad as he said that.

"Are you that special?" - I asked, and rubbed my palm, because it began to itch as he came in the

room. I kind of got used to the scar that looked like a pentagram, even though I had absolutely no clue about it's provenance. It felt terribly uncomfortable to have all these people know me, but have no memory of them.
Without saying anything, the boy pulled off his white t-shirt that was similar to the ones given to me since I was in the nursery wing. At first I wanted to scream, but then my eyes found the scar on his chest. It was several times bigger than my own, but the shape was exactly the same. The blue veins created a webbed pattern under his marble skin.

"I'm a hell-light, brother to Darren Severio. My name is Joel." - He began. I couldn't stop staring at his scar. My glare raised to his throat, where I knew I would find another kind of scar. A thin line... I didn't know how I knew that there would be a scar, I just did.
I searched my memory, the shards that I have recovered through this week. I have met Stephen, who told me stories, but never told me stories that involved me. He was another brother of Darren. Then I met another dude, who was very kind, and he said he was merman. There were all kinds of people coming to me... I forgot their names in a ridiculously short time, like my brain didn't want to remember these people. They didn't seem bad... they weren't bad people. At least I think they weren't...

"Why do we have the same scar?" - I asked, already afraid of the answer.

"The doctors told us that we shouldn't speak of the past. They said it's your job to open the gate, and let the memories come back to you." - He pulled his t-shirt over his head, and sat down at the chair. He might have been the first person that caught my attention to the fullest. - "But I think that's bullshit. You are a Soul Whisperer, your power is in the memories. Taking that away from you is like taking your powers." - He said.

"I'm a what..?" - I asked. Soul Whisperer wasn't something that many people mentioned before.

"I tell you what." - He reached for my hand, but I pulled away instantly. I didn't like it when people touched me. It felt like something inside wanted to reach out for them, but I felt this pressure to pull it back.
The guy sat back on the chair. - "You are not making this any easier." - He sighed.

"Tell me what are you trying to do." - I suggested. - "Maybe then I wouldn't pull away."

"Just give me your hand. You will feel what's there to show." - He said, and reached for my hand again. I watched him put my scarred palm above his heart, where his similar scar was. I felt his heart beat, and slowly my heart synchronized with his.
I closed my eyes, and I could feel his powers. It was as if I could see with closed eyes. Inside his body were flames, and a dragon. A great dragon whose body was made of fire and sparks. The dragon kindly rubbed its face against my palms, and even though my natural instinct would have said to stay away from it - it might be dangerous, but honestly, I wasn't afraid of it.

I opened my eyes, and stared at him. His face was handsome in a way that most girls would find attractive. He was tall and his broad shoulders were just the perfect size to rest your head when you get tired. He had dark brown hair, almost black, and vivid blue eyes. As I looked at him, a picture flashed in, as if there was a twitch in the TV program and I saw him with healthy skin, and in a white shirt, and a black tie. But as quick as the image was, it was already gone.

"What's your name?" - I asked. He was a fascinating creature, with the soul of a dragon.

"My name is Joel." - He said. - "It was my fault that you get caught by a demon, and were brought to face the postaquam. It was my fault that you had to reveal your true powers to the public by raising me from my grave." - He said.

"Raising you from the grave?" - I repeated. - "No one can raise the dead. That's impossible." - I said, and stood up. The stone floor was cold against my toes, but I didn't care.

"Most of us believed that. But you brought me back, however I am ill ever since." - He showed me his lower arms, and there the veins were almost black under his porcelain white skin. - "My blood is burning my body, and slowly, I am dying again."

I took his arm in my hand, and looked at those black lines. I ran my finger on the light, and with every touch, the feeling that it should be me, who heals his strange illness. It was like I had this goal somewhere sometime. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Did I try to heal you?" - I asked.

"You promised, but never tried." - He smiled, but that smile was bitter.

"I am sorry... even if I knew how to heal you then, I don't know what to do now..." - I felt pressured and very guilty. This person needed me to help him, but I just weren't there, and even if I could have helped, now I had no idea what to do with all that.

"When I woke up, you gave me your blood so my system could function." - He said. He moved is fingers, opened his grip, and then closed it. The black veins glowed with a faint, red shimmer. - "But seems like my body is somehow unable to use your blood, like it's supposed to. It keeps me going, but don't possess the power that I once had. It's there, doubtlessly, but I just don't have the strength to awake it. You must see why that is dangerous." - He said.

"If you are trying to make me heal you, then I just wanna point out that I have no clue how to do that. I am not some superhero." - I said. I could feel him pressuring me, and that made me feel anxious. It felt like I was supposed to know the answer to his illness, and I didn't. He made me feel like I was smart then, but I was dumb now...

"I am not trying to make you do anything. I am trying to help you recall something that might benefit me." - Joel said.

"You are giving me a headache..." - I mumbled. - "Okay, if we're gonna do this, then let's try something different... How do I usually do stuff... like how do I call on my powers, how do I manage to upkeep the flow, how do I heal?" - to that question, he reacted quickly.

"You touch people." - He said.

"Well, that sounds weird." - I sighed. - "But how do I manage to use my powers?"

"I dunno. When you bound with me, it was because I was drunk and I kissed you. When you unbound me, it was a long, and forbidden ritual, which you preformed like you have been doing this for ages." - He bit his lower lip, as he was trying to recall anything that might help. But my face was burning.
It wasn't just Rider, and Morgen, but Joel too? I felt like a whore.

"Why did I bound to you when you kissed me?" - I asked, not daring to look at him. I was afraid that he would see how embarrassed I felt.

"Hey, don't worry. It wasn't like that." - He ruffled my hair. - "I kissed you because I was drunk as hell, and you bound to me because you got scared by my powers. It was like a defensive reaction. But we never had a thing or anything like that, truly." - He said. - "By the way, I can read your thoughts, so you can't really hide from me."

As soon as he said that, it suddenly came to me. - "Read me!" - I looked up at him, and I think I was getting my hopes up a little too much, but I was sure that it could work.

"Read you?" - He looked at me, like I asked him to have sex with him right here, right now: that look of surprise, but a spark interest.
I sighed, thinking over the idea I just had.

"Yes, if you can read my mind, you can find that wall, that locks away my memories inside my brain, and maybe you could tell me why t is there, and how do I break through. That would help me find out what to do with your illness, and I would get my memories back. It's a win-win situation." - I explained.

"Okay, however I have never actually done this kind of mind reading before." - He said. - "I usually get satisfied just by the knowledge of the current thoughts of people. Sit down." - I did as he commanded and sat down on the bed, right in front of him. He sat up beside me, then pulled his legs up, and criss-crossed them up front of him. I mirrored his moves, and we sat there, facing each other.
Joel took my hand in his, and closed his eyes. I closed my eyes as well. Thin whispers surrounded me, and they got louder and louder. Memories of the past few weeks flew by, names whispered in my ear, pictures of faces, and a storm of emotions, which mostly consisted of self pity. Pathetic, that's what I was.
Joel suddenly let go of my hands, tossing them back to my lap. - "I can't! This is definitely not an easy task, and just by holding your hand, I can't reach deep enough into your mind."

"Then what do you suggest we do?" - I asked. His lips formed a half-smile. - "Oh no... do we have to?" - I asked.

"Look, I am not saying we have to. I am only saying that it might work better if we recompose the scene where your body used defense against me, than just holding a meditation course here. Don't think of it as a physical thing between you and me, think of it as trying to find a cure... for you, and for me." - He said. I let out a big breath.

"Okay, but we shall not speak of this... to anyone. I feel bad already as it is." - I played with the bottom of my white shirt. My fingers were scarred, and my nails were chewed. Sometimes I had these attacks, when I was just suddenly afraid. I didn't know what I was afraid of, and why but I just felt like something is there, and it was bad. During those attacks, I would sit in the corner, and chew my nails, or scratch my wrists with my remaining nails, scarring it, sometimes drawing blood.
The attacks eventually went away, but it was awful.
People must have thought I went mad, and at some point I even questioned my sanity myself.
Now, sitting front of Joel, looking at his pale face, I felt like there was more to the story. There was more to him, than just being a hell-light, and an ill man. He was more, but as usual, I just couldn't figure out what.

Joel unfolded his legs, and slid closer on the sheets. My heart was beating fast, and I couldn't believe that I was believing him. What if he just wanted me to kiss him. What if that was all just a lie, and he was just using me.

"Trust me..." - He whispered. when his lips were only a half inch away from mine. His breath was hot, and his skin smelled like bonfire and pine. It was a familiar smell, but very strange at the same time, but I think I liked it.
He pressed his lips against mine. His skin was cold, and it felt fragile. My body reacted to his immediately, returning his kiss. I wasn't sure if it was my doing, or something that the old me would do. Joel reached behind me, and pulled my closer to him. I was a little nervous...
But his idea definitely worked.

I was in Joel's arms in the middle of a fireball. The strange thing was that I was seeing myself from the outside. 
My head dropped back as he kissed my neck, and from my mouth and eyes, light shone, like I was filled with hot lava. Even my skin had this reddish-orange glow, and Joel was shining with me.

I was chanting words, walking around myself and him, like a predator around its prey. Then my body sucked me back in.

The picture changed, and while it did, I was back in reality for a split second, and I was mortified, because Joel was on top of me, shirtless, and all I had on were my bra and my panties. Then the memory took over all over again.
I relived many moments that I thought I had forgotten, and memories began to come back to me. The flat in Seattle, the last night with Rider, Lilith, the postaquam, Anouck, Onyx, Michael, the tortures, Skydown, the library, the meeting, Damian, the screaming demons filling the sky... Ambriel... all of it came back. My heart ached as the wounds that I didn't know about began to hurt again.
When I opened my eyes, I was naked, and Joel was on top of me, my legs wrapped around his hips, and my nails left bloody marks on his back. We looked into each other's eyes, and I could see that he was there with me in the memories the whole time, and he just became aware of how far we went just like me. For a second, we were still, but then he slowly lowered his head, and kissed me. This time, it was not for the sake of my memories. As he moved I thought of how much pain he had been through up to this point, while angel blood burned his system, and I had done nothing. I closed my eyes, and as his lips wandered down to my neck, I concentrated on my power. I could see his dragon inside, and I could tell that its flames were weaker than ever.
I closed the strings inside, not letting them out, but searching for that one dark flame inside of me, that provided me the strength to do black magic. Imagine it as a great library, where each shelf contained the power of a relative from the grave. I just recently figured out that if I use my imagination, to picture the powers, I could recall them easier. As I was searching through the rows, a great, pure white vine caught my attention. As I looked up, there was this gigantic tree that I have never seen before. When I touched the vine, I wanted to scream. I wanted to drop and cry... I wanted to run away, and forget.

That tree was the power of my lord father, Ambriel Princeps. If the tree was standing there in my "library" that meant that the demons didn't just tore off his wings, but killed him. He was dead.
I reached into the trunk, and sucked up it's powers.
I opened my eyes again, and pulled Joel's head up from my neck to my face, and kissed him. Poured the power through our connections into him. I knew it was pure angelic power, and that he needed demonic to become who he was, but something told me that by doing this, he will become something greater than he ever was. His moves and breathing sped up, and then suddenly it was all over. There were no huge flashing lights and flames, like last time. There were no leaving my own body, nor anyone to watch me do so - which I was thankful for.
Joel rolled down from me, and laid there beside me for a long moment. He raised his hands, and they were his healthy color. The black veins were gone, except at his wrists, where they formed a tree.

"You should really stop leaving marks on me." - He said as he gasped for air. I should have laughed at that, but my sorrow was just too great.

"I'll try." - I mumbled. I rolled down from the bed, and picked up my clothes. I pulled my pants and t-shirt on, and quickly pulled my hair into a messy bun.

"I saw when you tried to heal my throat... from your perspective." - Joel swallowed, and for a second, he was silent. Using that time, I went to the tap, and washed my face. My room in the hospital wing was small: It had a tap, a table, where I would sit at times, and doodle things that I dreamed of or thought of as a possible memory. I had a bed, and a door.
My true purpose of finding my sister somehow became forgotten on the way, and that made me angry of myself. I was angry at the people, and most of all I was angry at Rider. He was coming into my room in the past few weeks, pretending to be my lover, to be the person I thought he was. No wonder it felt so off all the time.

"Did you saw me taking your dragon too?" - I asked. He sat up, and got dressed as well.

"I did." - He pulled the t-shirt over his head. - "Have I told you that I always imagined what it would be like to have sex with you?" - He asked, with a satisfied grin on his face.

"I bet it wasn't like you imagined." - I just had to smile at that. Joel and I... well our relationship couldn't be defined by the already existing categories. It was more than friendship, less than love, we weren't friends with benefits either... I think people have never defined that relationship when you have sex to save each other.
Probably society isn't that fucked up just yet.

"No, it wasn't" - He laughed. - "I kind of imagined that I wouldn't be ill, and you wouldn't be desperate to find your memories while doing it." - He pointed out. By now, he moved like a cat. That stiffness was gone from his motions.
I looked at him from the mirror, and he was looking back at me.

"Too bad you didn't enjoy it, 'cuz we are not doing it again." - I smiled, and splashed another handful of water on my face.

"Never said I didn't enjoy it." - He said, and sat back on the chair. - "But I agree, we should keep our hands off." - He took a glass of water from the table that was within his arm's reach. - "But what did you do after you regained your memories?"

"I planted a great amount of power in you, which was strong enough to burn up all the demon cells in your body in a very short amount of time, and replace them with angelic ones." - I said. - "Now you're an angel."

"A full-blood?" - His eyes were wide.

"Yes. You are a full-blood." - I said, and turned off the tap. - "But you can't tell anyone. You can't tell who did it, how was it done, anything. You will say we held this meditation curse or whatever, and it worked. We can't trust anyone." - He nodded, not even questioning why.

Havoc

Sitting there I felt sick. I felt sick of these people pretending to believe me, to like me, and myself for believing them, and all that crap they wanted me to believe. If being this freak among them, who uses black, and forbidden magic, and has no clue about laws wasn't bad enough... they just had to make me the Heir of the Sub Consilium, which was basically a post where you might need to be familiar with politics of these people. Plus to add up to this, I would have to get married.

That just tipped off my scale. I could have handled if they just give me a post in the Sub Consilium, without making me the heir, but it was too much for me.

"I will step back." - I said out loud the though that was in my mind ever since that Damian guy pointed out who I really was for the Consilium, and what was my assigned position. All I ever wanted to do is find my sister. I didn't want to be some sort of leader they can follow...
The night sky was filled with sparkling stars, but the air was cold, and I had left my cape in the meeting hall. However I decided to remain outside, because I didn't know how I could I turn these things around, and go on to my main goal.
There was also another problem: Joel. His condition was bad, and he was at that state because of what I have done to him. Of course, he was a live, but being that sick was worse than hell, as I imagine. I wrapped my arms around myself, and bit my lip. There was so much I was supposed to do, but so little that I was actually capable of doing. I heard footsteps, and when I turned around, Damian was coming towards me. His skin looked like it was glowing in the moonlight, but as he walked, his feathers reflected the light in a faint, gold gleam.

"Hello, Princess." - He said. There was no smile, no happiness in his eyes as he closed the distance between us.

"Hey, Damian." - I said. He sat down beside me, and flicked his wings a little. I cleared my throat. The air was stiff between us, because actually we didn't know each other at all. - "Can I help you?" - I asked.

"Nah..." - He said, and put a cigarette between his porcelain white lips. I couldn't help, but notice that his feet were clean of dirt, which could only mean that he flew here. The silence was heavy on me, and I felt uncomfortable.
He didn't say a word, just t lit his cigarette, and took a deep sip from it, then blew it out. The smell of burning tobacco surrounded us. I stood up, and brushed the dust off my butt. - "People started to notice you." - He said as he looked up. - "They see you as their savior, a role model, the hero, who will stand up for them."

"I know what they think of me, but they don't know the truth." - I mumbled.

"Oblivion, my dear Princess. That rules the poor, and the weak." - He took another deep sip. The ember on the tip burst into golden light. - "They don't want to see that you are ordinary, if not weaker. They have waited so long for their hero, that they would accept anyone by now." - His golden eyes were searching my face.

"They will realize that I am not a leader, nor want to lead anybody." - I shook my head.

"That's too bad..." - He dropped the butt of the cigarette, and stepped on it with his bare foot, then stood up. I was at the level of his shoulders, and he looked down at me. - "When the crown will be heavy on your head, it will be your responsibility to make the choices of the Sub-Consilium."

"That might be so, if they put that heavy crown on my head at all." - I answered. It was hard to sound tough, when you have to almost break your neck, as you are trying to look into their eyes. He smirked. The feathers on his wings ruffled in the wind.
Damian was like a porcelain doll with his white skin, and golden eyes. His skin was so white, that the shadows on his skin looked rather blue, than skin colored. His body didn't radiate any heat, nor cold, for that matter. It felt like he was only there in my mind, like a vision, but his body wasn't present. - "And what does a guardian like you has to do here in the consilium anyways?" - I asked.

"I have my reasons. Not really your business though." - He said, still looking down at me... literally.

"Then since when is my right to succession your business?" - I sighed. My breath formed a small, white cloud in the cold air. As I was staring at him, it felt like I was staring at a statue. The only thing that made me sure that I wasn't was his chest raising and falling as he breathed.

"It's everyone's business. You are the successor, and even if many of us don't like that, we have to accept." - He sighed.

"You don't." - I said. - "I don't want to be heir. I think my brother, Ariel would make a way better successor than I ever would." - Damian seemed surprised by my confession, but he wasn't pleased.

"Your brothers are indeed popular with the people, they are charming, royal - they are princes after all... but they are just dumfucks, who can be manipulated." - He lit another cigarette.

"Don't I look like a dumbfuck as well?" - I asked, with my voice way sharper than I wanted it to be.

"Oh, you are a special kind of stupid." - He said, with his face dead serious. - "But the lords fear you. They see a girl with huge powers, and incredible talents... unlike them, I know that for fact that you are not that kind though... you let go of Michael when his life was in your hands..." - He held a little break to smoke his cigarette. - "If you kill him there at that moment, your sister will be back in Skydown by now, safe and sound."

"I appreciate your honestly, Damian, but I have enough troubles as it is. I don't need to listen to my mistakes from someone else as well..." - I said. What he had said about Iris pierced through me, like a sharp dagger. It was painful to hear. He was just so blunt...

"Is that so?" - He smirked, and as his lips parted a thin line of smoke rose from within. Damian wasn't exactly good looking, even with the perfectly shaped upper body, and the sharp cheekbones. He looked more like a doll, and his way of holding himself was somehow different than anyone I have seen. His long fingers caught a small lock of hair from my pony tail, and wrapped it around the porcelain skin. - "I have to tell you, I was surprised by the way you talked today front of the consilium. I almost believed that you would make a good leader."

"Almost." - I echoed.

"Obviously!" - He flipped his wings lightly, creating a small breeze.

"What do you truly want from me, Damian?" - I asked, because I realized that we have been talking about the absolute nothing for the past twenty minutes.

"I was buying time for the people." - He smiled, and began to walk away.

"What?" - I was so confused. Buying time? For what? Why? He topped, and glanced back at me.

"Look up." - And then, like lightning, he vanished. I looked up, and I was horrified by the view. Millions and millions of creatures covered the sky, only they left the moon shine bright. I wanted to scream, but the fear was so intense that the scream froze on my throat, and I was just gaping like a fish.
I began sprinting towards the building, but I tripped thanks to my high heels, and fell on the rocky path. The pebbles and rocks scraped the skin off my palms, and the beautiful blue dress got dirty and torn in the fall. I kicked off the pumps, and tore off the bottom off the dress, up to my knees. I glanced up at the cloud of demons above my head, and one of them glanced back at me. It screamed, and the sound froze the blood in my veins. I wanted to run, but then I noticed that the demons flew right in the building, breaking windows. I had no weapons, and I was barefoot. Everything that I needed to survive was inside the building. But I couldn't go back there. The screams of the people, who got stuck inside, and were being murdered by the huge herd.

I looked at the building, and then the edge of the forest nearby. I glanced back at the building, and saw a tall figure being pushed to the balcony. Long, white hair surrounded his broad shoulders, and his blue satin clothes reflected the moonlight.
Ambriel, my father was standing there. A demon forced him to his knees, and tore the back of his clothes open. A pair of white wings spread out. Two other black demons grabbed his white wings, and twisted it off, then pushed him off the balcony. He fell on his head.

I screamed, but a hand covered my mouth. I tried to fight it off, but whoever the hand belonged to was too strong for me. I wriggled in the strong grip, I wanted to run, and just hide in a bush, and cry. Ambriel and I didn't have the best father-daughter relationship, but he was still there. Now I was an orphan.
I had brothers, and I had a sister. Now, my sister was lost, wandering this world in complete madness, while my brothers were inside that palace. The palace that supposed to be perfectly safe. My strength left me, and I just wanted to collapse, but those strong arms held me tight.

"Come, I will escort you to safety." - A husky voice murmured. It was unknown for me. A stranger, who promised safety... but did safety really exist anywhere in this world? Was there a place that would be safe? Seemed like a white lie to me.
But did I have a choice? No, not really. So, I just nodded. The hand slid off my mouth, and released my arm from the tight grip. I turned around, but all I saw was a tall figure, covered in a black cape. I could tell that he was covered in tattoos, and that he had a nose-piercing, but that was about everything I saw of him. Obviously he wasn't someone I knew. He spread a cape just like his on my shoulders, and pulled my hood on.

"Where are we going?" - I asked. He fixed my hood, and cleared his throat.

"I will tell you, just hold on tight, okay?" - He gripped my hand, and before I knew it, the world was spinning around us. Darkness embraced me, numbness, and I welcomed my dear old bubble of madness that kept me away from feeling sorrow and pain.

***

“Memory loss is one way of coping with damage.” 

― Jeanette Winterson, (Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?)

There are times when we seek peace, and want to be calm a still water. There are times when we sleep just to stop ourselves from feeling things. There are times, when we just choose the sweet unconsciousness over the pain.
But that is only temporary, and we are forced to wake up eventually. And that had happened to me as well. Seemed like it became a habit of mine to pass out, or be knocked out in the most dangerous situations, and wake up when it's already all over.

The light was shining bright above me, and as my eyes opened my vision was blurry for a second, and I saw a figure standing at the end of my bed.
Glimpse of golden hair, and a flick of aquamarine eyes. That could only belong to one person in this world.

"I thought you might never wake up." - He said in a low voice. His tone was like molten chocolate. I looked up at him, and it was like I awoke from a bad dream. - "Rico told me you passed out on the way here, but you have been asleep for two days. Did you hit your head?"

"No... I don't think so" - I murmured. - "I was just on my way to Seattle, but then something had happened." - I tried to recall what had happened, but I only caused a terrible headache.

"On your way to Seattle?" - He pulled his brows together. - "Spirit, do you know what date it is?" - He asked.

"I guess about May... I don't know the exact date though." - I sighed. He looked more troubled than I have ever seen him. I sat up, and stood up from the bed. - "Why, did something happened? Have you found Iris?" - I asked.

"No, Iris is still missing." - He answered. - "But it seems like you have lost your memories of the past five months. It's October. And you were brought here, because Skydown was invaded by demons." - He said.

"Skydown? That city where my brother lives? Is he okay?" - I asked. - "What had happened in the past five months?" - I asked.

"I haven't been present for most of the time in your life for the past five months... for serious reasons. Please, forgive me, but I cannot tell you what had happened." - He sighed. I took his hands in mine, and pulled him closer to me. I wrapped my hands around him, but he felt stiff in my hands.

"What's wrong?" - I asked as I looked up. He cleared his throat , and turned his head away. I took a step back. - "I know I didn't tell you that I was gonna leave the Institute, and I am truly sorry, but it was for your safety. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Oh my god, this is so wrong on so many levels." - He mumbled, and rubbed his eyes. - "Spirit, we have already discussed that. You went to Seattle, and a couple days later I ran into you in the apartment of the Severio Brothers."

"And you are not mad at me for not telling you?" - I asked.

"It was a half year ago - almost. I'm over it really." - He smiled, but his smile was sad.

"Is there anything that happened that I should know about, and you could tell me?" - As this question left my lips, the door on my right flew open, and a short girl with long, straight black hair ran up to me with her arms wide open, and hugged me so tightly that I could barely breathe.

"Thank god, you are awake! I was soooo worried!" - She held me away from herself and looked me up and down. I was so confused. - "How are you feeling?"

"Who are you?" - I asked. The smile froze off her face.

"What do you mean who am I?" - She glanced at Rider, then back at me. - "Don't you remember me?" - as a response, I could only shake my head.

"She lost her memories. The last one she has is when she was on her way to Seattle, which was about a half year ago." - He said.
The girl cupped my face in her small hand, and shot me a sad smile.

"I am Onyx. We are friends." - She smiled. Her eyes shone with a wicked light that was friendly and dangerous at the same time. As I looked at her face, I felt like I knew her, but I couldn't put her anywhere. I nodded, and then looked back at Rider.

"Where are my brothers?" - I asked. - "If I was in Skydown, like you said, then I must have met both of them, not just Cassiel. Where are they?" - Rider licked his lips.

"Cassiel is in the LA institute, negotiating with the consilium members, Ariel is kept as a captive in Hell-Blossom." - He said. Terror flushed through me. I didn't know why, but I felt like Ariel was in great danger. I felt headache coming, and I squeezed my hands on my ears. The pain was terrible, and I couldn't help but cry out. Rider grabbed my shoulders, and pulled me to his chest, and hugged me.
I was gaping for air, and pictures flashed through my vision of black blood, needles, burning, and bloody teardrops. I was trembling as I looked around. Rider stroked my arm comfortingly, and kissed my forehead. I was happy to be there in his arms, and I felt safe... Someone knocked on the open door, and cleared his throat. We all looked up at the same time, and two guy stood at the door. One, I knew. He was Morgen. The other was tan and blonde, but he was unfamiliar to me.

"How is she?" - The blonde guy. Onyx stood up, and walked to him, then grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out. Morgen came in, and sat down on the chair by my bed. He looked worn out, plus he was full of wounds.
I pulled away from rider, and climbed off the bed. I was in a huge white t-shirt and white shorts. I went up to Morgen, and looked at his wounds. There was a deep cut on his shoulder, and one on his face.

"What happened?" - I asked.

"I just arrived from Skydown." - He murmured.

"I'm surprised you even got out." - Rider spat. It was unusual to hear him talk like this to Morgen, since they were best friends. There must have been something that had happened in the past that I do not remember of.
Green flames burst from my fingertips, and I began healing Morgen's shoulder, but Rider pulled me away, and pushed me on the bed. - "Stay in bed. He doesn't need your help."

Rider's voice was harsh, and he shot a murderous look at Morgen.

"I don't know why are you so mean to him, but he is my best friend." - I said as I stood up again, and continued healing him. From the corner of my eye, I saw his hand coming. Wasn't sure if he was going to hit me, or just simply push me back on the bed again, but I turned towards him, and caught his hand midair.
I loved Rider, but this person just didn't felt like him. My grip tightened, and the green flames slowly turned white. I could smell burning skin.

"Spirit, let it go." - Morgen said. - "I better go." - He stood up from the chair, and began to walk away. I let go of Rider, and reached after Morgen. As soon as my fingertips touched his lower arm, like lightning, memories flushed into my mind.

I was standing in a huge room with luxury furniture, and great windows. Morgen was standing front of me, his face worn out, sad, but his eyes glittering with a strange light.
I reached up, and kissed him. He didn't kiss me back, but didn't pull away either. For some reason that made me sad, and feel guilty inside.

"Please, don't kiss me, or do anything like that as long as you search for him in me. I don't wanna be a poor replacement."

The picture changed as I gasped for air.

We were standing in the same room, and he stood before me the same way. The time was different, it was on the morning... 

"Why should I believe you? This is absurd!" - I said. I felt very upset, but at the moment, I didn't know why.

"Because I love you." - He said. I knew he meant it when I looked him in the eyes. 

I was back in the present. Standing there, holding Morgen's hand, while he turned his back on me. Hot tears were running down on my cheeks. He didn't move, but didn't want to look at me at all. My head ached, and my heart too. I was very confused, because I grew to realize that I must have hurt so many people in the past half year. I didn't understand half of the memories, but I saw that I have betrayed Rider, and Morgen at the same time.
Morgen's hand was warm, dry, and rough. It felt comforting, but I felt guilty for that. I knew that I could love Morgen. I could imagine myself laying beside him in bed, and cuddle with him... I could imagine myself giving him a good morning kiss, and I felt terrible for that, because at the same time I felt weird when I looked at Rider, like something was off.

His hand slid out from my grasp, and he left the room.

"You burned me." - Rider said. I turned back, and on his wrist, there was a huge red mark.

"I don't like to be pushed around." - I murmured, and climbed into bed. I pulled the sheets over my head, and turned my back on Rider. I didn't want him to be there. I didn't want anyone to be around me until I figure out who the fuck did I become...

Royal Madness

With my hands on the huge, carved, oak doors, I felt nervous. My gown was delivered to my room not long after Morgen had left, saying that he has to get ready too. The gown was low-cut on the back, showing my whole back, which made me thankful for Morgen. If he wouldn't have healed my wounds, not everyone would see those marks.
Instead they could see white scars. The healing flames only speed up the healing process, but they don't change the appearance of the outcome.
On my shoulders, pieces of darker blue piece of textile was sewed onto the light blue fabric of the gown. They looked like night-blue feathers. The dress was long sleeved, and the gown was down to the ground. I had to wear high heels, if I didn't want to faceplant at every second step. Since the castle was still cold as hell, I put a white cape around my shoulders. I will take it off later. My hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I have never been a master of doing my hair, nor my makeup.

I pushed the heavy doors open, and to my horror, about fifty pairs of eyes turned towards me. A guardsman beside me announced my name, which scared me even more. A maid came up to me, and took my cape. Cold air brushed my back, and I got goosebumps all over my body.
I looked around in the hall, hoping to see a familiar face. Soon, my eyes met Onyx's who wore a black gown that left her left shoulder bare, and a garland was on her head with powder pink roses and amber leafs. She looked innocent, and terrifying at the same time.
I walked up to her, since I figured it will be the best if I find someone I know and act totally natural, like I always take part in such occasions.

"Hey Onyx!" - I greeted her with a huge smile. I was a little bit relieved that I knew one person in the whole meeting at least.

"Hey. Are you okay?" - She asked, pushing her hair out of her sight. She looked nervous.

"My feet already hurts from this shoe... but other than that, I am fine..." - I faked a smile. She looked at me with that I-know-something-is-wrong look, but I just shook my head. - "What about you? You just took off from the library, and I haven't seen you ever since."

Faylinn

"I am sorry..." - She looked over her shoulder toward a man with longish black hair with a crown on his head. - "My father had arrived in Skydown not long after I got back to the palace, and he summoned me." - As we talked, a tall figure twirled towards us. She was as graceful as a ballerina, and basically every female would hate her for her beauty. She was inhumanly beautiful, but I could see something in her eyes that frightened me, even with her friendly smile across her face.

"Oh look, my dear sister!" - She hugged Onyx theatrically, and then turned towards me. - "And of course, the dear Spirit Princeps, heir of the family!"

"Actually, Cassiel is next in line..." - I mumbled, and my fingers reached for my necklace. It was made of sapphire and silver, and was heavy on my neck. I felt naked without the feather necklace, since I never took it of as long as I could remember. It was my lucky charm... but I guess it was more cursed than lucky.
Onyx's sister smiled widely - I didn't even know she had a sister, they didn't even look alike. - But she was standing there in her weird gown that looked like it was made of some kind of armor - I decided not to question it. There were just so fucking many things I wished I could understand... but I didn't.

"Faylinn, she isn't the heir." - Onyx said.

"She is the Soul Whisperer. That makes her the heir." - She pointed out. Another thing I didn't know. Onyx looked at her with horror. - "Anyways, father must be lonely without mother - oh, pardon me, my mother. See you later!" - But before she left, she glanced me. Then hurried away.

"Please, don't mind her. She wants power, so she thinks she could befriend all the heirs of influential clans." - She rolled her eyes, and fixed a wrinkle on her black gown.

"I didn't know you had a sister..." - I said.

"I don't." - She replied. - "I only have half sisters. One from dad, and one from Lilith. They are not my actual sisters. At least, I never considered them to be my sisters." - She looked up at me, and I could see sadness in her eyes.
I put my hand on her shoulder, and pulled her into a hug.

"A half sister is better than none." - I whispered. Anouck appeared in brown breeches and sand colored poet shirt. His boots were mahogany brown, and he had the shell necklace on his neck, that I always saw him wear. But somehow, he was different.

When he got to us, he hugged us both, and it made me happy to see that he got along with Onyx. But there was a strange stiffness between them, like something was still not okay.

"Glad to see you, S." - He smiled.

"S?" - I asked back. No one have ever called me that. I have never actually had a nickname, so to be called by other than Eva, or Spirit, it felt wrong. Actually, even when I was called Eva felt wrong. Maybe because the last person who spoke my name was a liar... a handsome liar, that is, but still a liar.

"I thought Spirit was a little long, so I thought I come up with a nickname for you." - He smiled at me like Cassiel usually does. That made me feel like he wanted this nickname, because he cared about me. It felt good, but S was not a nickname really.

"Thanks, but keep trying." - I laughed. When I opened my eyes, they met a pair of aquamarine eyes, and the smile froze off my face. Then I blinked, and he was gone, like he wasn't even there at at all. Nobody noticed him. Nobody, but me.
He stared into my eyes, he wanted me to notice him... but how could he come inside the room without anyone noticing? And why could I see him when nobody else could? What was going on?

A heavy hand patted my shoulder. I jumped in surprise as I twirled around my axis. Ambriel stood behind me, his face cold as Ice. If I wouldn't know that he was my father, I would never guess.
He had a crown thingy on his head, but instead of the big crowns that looked like they were from a coloring book of a child, this was delicate, wrapping around his forehead, like arms of amber, but without the leaves. His white blonde hair was flowing down on his back, like a waterfall, and his deep blue eyes were piercing.
"You are the daughter of the Host. Your place isn't among these people." - He said, and pulled my away from my friends. He was forceful, and angry. His grip hurt me.
Ambriel guided me up a staircase, which had a couple of chairs, and only Ariel sat there. I sat down beside him, just like he told me. Ariel whispered to me that I should sit with my back straight, with my chin high. Instead I lowered my chins a little. I didn't felt it right to look at these people, like a superior being.
Soon, Ariel arrived, his cheeks flushed, and sat down at my other side.  Beside Ariel, there was one chair, and beside Cassiel there was one chair too. Soon, I got to know why. A blonde boy came up the stairs, his presence was radiating power and superiority. I guess that's how we should have been sitting as well. He sat down beside Cassiel, and looked at me. His white blue eyes reminded me of a man that I almost killed.

"My name is Jophiel Cleric. Son of Michael." - He reached for my hand, and I expected a handshake, but instead he kissed my hand. - "I am pleased to meet the Nephilim Princess."

"I am sorry for your loss." - That was all I could say. His messy blonde hair reflected the candle light, and the last rays of the setting sun. He was beautiful... and dangerous.
Jophiel didn't respond, just nodded.
The other chair was soon filled with a familiar face: Haniel. He turned his face towards me, and nodded, as a sign of greeting. I nodded back. As the only female on the podium, I felt very uncomfortable. Cassiel leaned towards me, and whispered in my ear.

"The people sitting up here are the next heirs of the most influential families." - He whispered. - "I know it looks weird, because the three of us are siblings, but since we are the children of the Host, all of us gets to sit here." - Now that he mentioned it, it did  seem a little weird.

"Is O'Shea an influential clan? I never knew..." - I whispered back.

"Because it's not. But Xerxes has no children, and he adopted Haniel into the Sanguinis Clan to be the heir." - He answered.

Xerxes

"Sanguinis? Isn't that blood in Latin?" - I asked back. Somehow that was the first name that popped into my mind. Cassiel nodded, but we didn't have time for more chatting, because Ambriel took his place on the podium above us, beside him a black haired man, who I remember to be Xerxes from the postaquam, where he agreed with Michael that I was a bastard. That isn't something a person forgets easily. On the other side of Ambriel, a woman sit. She had short blonde hair, and she was about a year or two older than me.

I looked back at the crowd, and everyone was sitting down at tables that I didn't even notice at first, leaving the huge space, where the guests were talking just seconds ago free.
Right in front of me the man stood that I assumed to be Onyx's father. Beside him sat Faylinn and Onyx.
Next to them were rows of people I didn't know, and then my eyes met Morgen's. He glanced away immediately.
Then as I searched the crowd for familiar faces, my eyes met Stephen's, who was sitting by his father and next to them were sitting another group that I didn't know. And then I found Anouck, who was sitting next to a man with long, blonde beard, his hair was long too, his skin suntan, and even though deep wrinkles were by his eyes, his body was in a good condition. He held a trident. When I looked closer, they were kind of alike... could that be that Anouck was more important, than I first thought he was?

Ambriel stood up behind me. - "Dear allies. I am thankful for all of you for attending this meeting. We are here to discuss the matter of the last Head of the Consilium, who sacrificed my daughter for investigating a forbidden way to become a full fledged demon." - A low murmur spread through the audience. My father cleared his throat, which caused immediate silence in the room. - "Also, if any of you have anything to discuss with the whole consilium, please come forward, after we have decided in the main matter."

He had told the facts that we already knew, and some that I had no idea about. For example that there are trackers searching for Iris, trying to catch her dead, or alive. That shocked me... he was talking so matter-of-fact, id didn't sound like he was talking about his own daughter at all. I had a strong urge to state my thoughts about the whole thing, but I knew that these people looked at the most respected man in the world of the magical creatures. He was one of the people in this world that these people looked up the most. I couldn't embarrass him just like that.
So I remained quiet,pretended that I was a statue for the whole time. Up until a voice called my name.

"Spirit Princeps, my lady..." - A man with a black crown that looked like it was carved out of onyx sent me a charming smile that felt more mocking than kind. His ash colored skin and red eyes terrified me, but I remained like a statue. - "You are the only person here, who really knew Iris. Please, tell us why should we catch her alive instead of killing her on the spot." - That was a cruel question, but I suppose I had no choice but answer it politely, without telling this asshole to go and fuck himself.

"Iris is my sister, and she was the one, who made sure I was safe up until the moment she was kidnapped by full fledged demons, which were working for Michael Cleric." - Heavy silence sat on the room. This fact haven't been mentioned. I didn't care about most of the people, but his son was sitting by me, staring at me... If I were him, and let's say, I didn't know about this, I would be very upset. I fought off the urge to look at Jophiel, and focused on the man, who asked me the question in the first place. - "This question feels wrong, said like that. What had happened to Iris wasn't her fault, and she doesn't deserve to die just because someone was trying a new method of becoming a full fledged demon." - I said. Another man cleared his throat, he had real feathers on his bare shoulders. I didn't even notice that there was a shirtless man among the crowd. His skin was porcelain white, and his hair was just like my father's, except that it wasn't long.
I shot him a questioning look.

"Excuse my interruption, my lady... I understand that you are a powerful Grigori, the Nephilim Princess, and a Soul Whisperer, which is very rare... and that the fact that the gods above choose you to be the Soul Whisperer made you the successor of your clan, but I feel like you are soft." - He stood up, and walked to the open space in the middle. He had loose pants on, made of fabric white as snow, and a golden belt around his slim waist. When he was sideways to me, his wings were visible.

"I beg your pardon?" - I asked back. I was startled by his appearance, but at the same time confused about what he was trying to say.

"And who are you?" - Ambriel asked the man from above me. The guy bowed, with his wings spread out widely.

"My name is Damian. I am just a guardian angel, who happened to be near by when the meeting was called together." - He said. I raised my eyebrows. When he straightened up, his blue eyes flicked with a golden light. For some reason, my first reaction was to angrily let out the air I was holding back.

"Dear Damian, you, as a low rank angel shouldn't even be present on this meeting, nevertheless speak to the heir of the Sub-Consilium the way you do." - Ambriel noted. - "She is my daughter, who had proven her strength mentally, and physically. Pay the respect you are supposed to pay, and sit back down. This was my last warning; if you interrupt the meeting again, you shall spend a night in the dungeons." - I could see the arrogance fade away from Damian's eyes, turn into hatred, but not towards Ambriel, but me.

"Please, continue." - He bowed again, and went back to the place, where he was sitting. I stood up, and walked to the middle, hoping to grab the attention of those, who were staring at Damian's angry face.

"I feel like the Consilium had forgotten that we are here to serve justice, not here to be the dictators. We might be powerful, but we are not gods; let them decide over life or death. I suggest we capture Iris alive, unharmed, and see if we can turn the bad around, and find a way to turn her back into her true form." - I said. I turned around, and looked at father for support. On his right, the woman I did not know leaned forward, and put her chin gracefully on her fist.

"That sounds like a great idea, but you forget, that even if we manage to overpower a monster like her, and bring her here, there is no known way to turn her back into a Nephilim." - She said.

"There is no way to bring back the Dead, but she awoke Joel Severio, whose execution had happened when she took part in the postaquam. Now, even though Joel is still weak, he's alive." - Rufus said. That detonated the bomb, and everyone started talking at once. I could hear some people saying that it was wrong, black magic, and I should be killed for exercised such things, while some were amazed and wanted to know how I did it.

"Silence!" - Ambriel was standing up, his voice filled the air, as if he was speaking into some hidden mic.

"As the king of Atlantis, I suggest we listen to the Soul Whisperer." - The man beside Anouck said.

"I agree." - Rufus said. Soon, some of the people, who were mostly elders, wearing crowns, or things like that nodded. Of course the pale dude, who asked me about my opinion looked displeased. I shot him my most brilliant smile, and then walked back to my seat, and sat down. I felt proud that I could achieve at least one thing in my life.

"Now that we have decided in that matter, move on. Any other suggestions?" - Ambriel said. I decided that if people want to look at me like I am a leader - which I was not - then I must act like one, even though I had no actual idea how to do that. I tried to copy father as much as I could. People looked up to him, hoping for an answer, and he always had one.
To prove that, the following topics were solve in a short time period, thanks to his quick thinking. I didn't even had time to process what I was hearing, and he have already came up with a solution. An hour and a half later, Ambriel stood up.

"I think that will be enough for today. Please, if you have any commentary, say it now." - He said. The man that called himself the king of Atlantis stood up.

"I want to formally thank Spirit Princeps for bringing my son back to me. The Aecor Clan is beside you, no matter what you do." - He and a group of people - Anouck as well - bowed their heads. I bowed my head towards them as well.

"I am thankful for your support." - I sent the old man a shy smile. I heard some people disagreeing with the old man's choice. I could see why... I was just a girl, who grew up among humans, never had to do anything with magical stuff, up until I was brought to LA.
I didn't belong here in this gown, sitting on the podium as the next heir. These people needed a leader, not a scared little girl.
The meeting was closed, and the people filled the space in the middle again. I walked to the king of Atlantis. - "Thank you." - I said. He smiled at me.

"Child, call me Trident. I wish you the best. I know that being the next in line is stressful... I have been there, and by now, I would give anything to change my old actions. Choose wisely, and trust me, if you listen to your heart instead of your brain, you will get out of the situation as a true winner." - He gripped my hands in his, and kissed my forehead. I took a small mental note that this man was my absolute favorite of all the lords in here.
I thanked him the good advice, but when I try to go, he called after me. - "One more thing: you should start to think about who you want to choose."

"Choose?" - I asked. - "For what?"

"As the next heir, you have to marry sooner or later." - He said. The sudden information felt like I just swallowed a bug. Marrying anyone was my smallest, and least important problem at the moment, but just the fact that the problem was there made me nervous.
The last thing I wanted to have volunteers for the position at my heels. That would be awful...
Then I realized. I had the volunteers all along: Rider came back, Joel wanted to help me, Stephen agreed to help me, Haniel himself agreed to help me along with Joel, and then there was Morgen, who would never admit that he was thinking about this, but I was sure that most of them had thought about what would happen if I became the next heir. They all grew up in this, so they must have known how this all works...

"Thank you, Triton." - I smiled at the old man. He patted my shoulder. I felt like I needed some fresh air, so I left the hall hurriedly, and went into the garden. When the castle was way behind me, I dropped on a bench, and covered my face with my hands.
What was the true purpose of all this? Why did I have to be the one to born into this family, and inherit this power of Soul Whispering? I just wanted to be normal... even working in a diner was better than this. We had lived a peaceful life with Iris, and I knew that sooner or later our paths would have divided, but at least, I would be still feeling sane, I would still know what to do.
Now here I sat with no guidelines, not knowing who was here to help, and who was here to get something from me.

This was getting more and more complicated...

Bitter Lover

Onyx

For a long moment that felt like eternity, Anouck was quiet. Onyx was about to give up, and just leave the guy on the spot, but then he began to speak.

"You want the truth now, but when will you accept it? You won't believe me, you will just grow to hate me even more." - His face was pained as he spoke.

"I have a right to know the truth!" - Onyx shouted.

"Why are you forcing me to hurt you?" - Anouck asked quietly. 

"Why do you even care?" - Onyx asked. Rage was rising in her chest with every breath she took. - "You say you fell in love with me, but let's be honest; you don't know me! We never talked.... we never even looked at each other before."

"Onyx, you are wrong on so many levels." - The air was getting colder as they spoke. The sun dived behind the horizon, and the sky grew darer. - "I heard many things about you from the attendants I had to serve before they entered the postaquam against you, I watched every fight, I know your every move."

"Well, aren't you a creep..?" - She rolled her eyes at him - "Anouck, you idealize a picture of a woman... I am not who you think I am."

"Aren't you the daughter of the most famous full fledged demon of all times, Lilith? Aren't you the girl, who suffered from series of tortures, until her father finally took her under his wings? Aren't you the girl, who looked at me with those huge eyes of your in the dungeons, hoping that I would be the one who helps you find the man you loved? Isn't that you?" - Anouck asked.

"You are trying to prove a point, but stating obvious statements won't help your case. What are you even trying to convince me of? We have been talking about the past for hours, but all you succeeded in doing was pissing me off." - Onyx was at the point, where she didn't know if she wanted to kick Anouck between the legs so hard, that he would never be able to reproduce, or she wanted to just walk away, and leave this whole conversation and him behind.

"I am trying to convince you that I am truly sorry." - He said. - "That I don't want you to hate me, even though I know I am asking too much.

Look, I know I don't have a talent with words, and that I hurt you when I killed Melchiorre... but all I want is a chance, to make everything right." - He took a step closer, and this time, Onyx didn't step back. Instead, she slapped him across the face. - "I deserved that." - Anouck said, while holding his face.

Onyx wanted to just cry. She had lost not only Melchiorre, but the belief that he had ever even loved her. And now, there stood this man, who is very creepy... but Onyx felt like he wasn't lying to her. Obviously, that didn't prove anything. She believed that Melchiorre loved her, while he lied for a very long time, and she never noticed... so why should Anouck be different? Why should he tell the truth to Onyx, when he perfectly knows how naive she is?

"You know what?" - Onyx began. Anouck looked down at her, with his bright blue eyes locked with hers. She could almost feel the warmth of his body. - "I am willing to give you a chance as a friend for now... if you can accept that." - She was afraid to propose the idea to this man. She was afraid that he would tell her that it's not enough, that he needs more than that...

"I understand." - Anouck was visibly disappointed, but it was still way more than he had hoped for at the moment. - "So friends.." - His lips formed a charming half smile.

"Yep." - Onyx forced a shy smile on her face.

"For now..." - Anouck looked like he was tasting the words.

"For now." - Onyx repeated. She felt a hot teardrop rolling down on her face. Anouck wiped it off, and hugged her. The sudden physical action surprised Onyx, since she grew up with no love around, and she wasn't really being hugged in the Fairy Castle either. 

Everyone always thought that she was a freak, someone best to be ignored, but now, here was this guy, hugging her, while he perfectly knew who she was, and what was her background. For the first time, she felt accepted. Strangely, she didn't felt that stiffness in Anouck's body, when he was hugging her, like Melchiorre did. Anouck wasn't afraid of this. He wanted to hug her... that hurt her for some reason. At the moment, even she couldn't tell why.

Spirit

Sitting in that small cafe, with the book in my hand - I wasn't reading actually - I was staring outside, and wondered if I could still make this right. If I could still reverse the bad I had caused, and turn the pain into numbness somehow. 

I remembered that I haven't seen Joel in a while, and decided that since I can't concentrate on the book anyways, I might as well visit him. He tended to be more wise than anyone gave him credit for. Maybe he could help me out, and maybe I get some strange whispering from the old folks about a way to heal him. 

I stood up, and said good bye to Bat.

"I hope you come back soon. I would love to hear more about your past." - She said with a wide smile. I couldn't tell if she was smiling to freak everyone out, or she was just not aware of the fact that I was basically shitting myself in fear every time she smiled, because even though I knew she was nice, I didn't know if she was a vicious beast at other times, ripping people's throats out because she liked the taste of fresh blood... I know I was a little bit overreacting this, but c'mon. 

"Okay." - I lied. I didn't want to come back here to talk to her about who I was, not just because even I didn't know, but because she and I weren't exactly friends. I mean, yeah, she was nice and all, but just no. 

I left the cafe, and pulled the blanket-like cape-coat tighter. The wind began to blow, and the crisp cold was sneaking under my clothes. I was shivering by the time I got back to the castle gates. The gate's men stopped me, and told me to identify myself. I pulled off my hood, so they could see my face. That's all I had.

"My name is Spirit Princeps, daughter of Ambriel Princeps, lady sibling of Iris, Ariel, and Cassiel Princeps." - To be honest, I wasn't into fancy talk, but when in Rome, do as the Romans, right?

The gate's men opened the gate, and I walked into the inner garden. If just saying my name was enough, then anyone could get in here, can't they? I mean what if some girl heard what my name was, and who my relatives were, and just tried to enter in a couple days? Would they let her in as well? That thought scared me a little bit. 

I pushed the oak front door open, and ran into a tall figure. He wore his gear, with his hood on his head, but I still figured out who he was immediately. 

He smiled at me, but I put my hands in the air, as a sign that I already have enough shit to handle, and I am not ready for this. 

"Nope, nope, nopidy-nope, nope." - I said, and started to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist.

"Hey, what's wrong?" - He asked me. - "Aren't you happy to see me?"

No one else was in the hallways, so we could talk like we wanted. But I still felt very vary. Anyone could appear at any minute.

"What's wrong? Yeah, because using me, and then sacrificing your own cousin is totally fine, and I am supposed to be waiting for you with my arms wide open." - I said. Rider suddenly let go of my hand, like I burnt him. I wish I had, because then, he would feel a small fragment of my pain that he had caused.

He just stared at me for a moment, then opened his mouth, then closed it again. 

"Let's go somewhere safer, where we can talk." - He said finally.

"Oh, I would love to hear your excuse."  - I said, as I began to walk towards the staircase, where my room was. He followed me without another word, and didn't speak again until my room door shut behind us.

"I didn't want this." - He began.

"Seems like that's all you guys can come up with as an excuse. Guess what, I had enough with your lies. You wanted it, because you saw me as an instrument of your little games." - I told him. I have thought about what Morgen had said, that I actually didn't even try to pull the power card on him.

By the way he reacted of me confronting him about the whole thing was more than enough for me to know that Morgen had said the truth.

"Do you really believe that?" - He asked me. His face reflected pain. Damn, he was a good actor.

"Why shouldn't I?" - I threw my book on the bed, and took of my cape. - "Looking back, I don't even know how could I be so blind to believe that you might actually love me. I left the institute partly because I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want you to end up dead, like my mom." - The memory made me twitch, which must have looked like I have already lost my mind. I was actually very very close. 

If my only problem would have been that Rider lied to me, then yeah I would be just fine, but I had Joel hoping that I had an answer for him, a way to heal his unknown sickness, which I did not have, I had a mad sister running around, probably killing people, I had a father, who refused to talk to me after I brought Joel back to life by giving him my blood, and there were the strange lords and such coming and going in the castle, I never felt safe.

"That was different." - He said, and took his coat off. His golden hair floated around his head, with a golden spark. He didn't deny what I accused him of. He really did use me in a way that I never imagined he ever would. I kind of thought that he would just stop loving me after a while, and just go off with some new girl he met somewhere... but I never thought that the whole thing we had (affair, most likely, since I wouldn't call that a relationship) was just a show he put up for the consilium.

"Yes, that was different, because at that relationship, both of the people felt the same way about each other." - I burst out.

"You think I didn't love you?" - He asked. - "At one point, I considered giving up the whole thing for you!"

"But you didn't! And what was all this good for? You thought you get what you want, and then walk out, like nothing had happened? If that's what you call love, then you do not know... you do not have the slightest clue about what love really is." - I have never felt so hurt in my life. The torture felt like a mosquito bite compared to this. I wanted to scram, to push him, to slap him... to hurt him like he hurt me.
But I held back.

"Remember, we had this kind of conversation back in the LA institute in my room... pretty long time ago, right? If I recall correctly, you said you never put your heart on the line before. Your heart was untouched before me, just like your body was." - He cupped my face in his rough hands with a gentle touch. - "You really don't know what love is, you only had me to feel it... who knows, maybe I created an ideal lover for you, but that is not what reality is..." - That sweet smile on his face looked like it was made bitter by poison. - "But maybe I didn't pretend.... maybe I did feel the way I told you I did."

"Can you just stop lying to me?" - With every word that left his lips, it felt like he put salt on my cuts. My voice was shaking, and tears choked my throat. It was a real miracle that I still had tears left.

"Maybe I got what I wanted..." - He began. - "But I gained so much more during the process. I felt your naive feelings for me, that trust you should have never given me... and that trust I never deserved. But that was what I needed to realize how I really felt about you."

"You never called, never even sent a message with Morgen about that you were alive, Rider." - I hardened my shattered, broken heart, and decided to just shake off those sweet words that deep inside I wanted to hear. But by now I could feel darkness pouring from his stone heart that I thought was beating for me somewhere in the past. I gripped his wrists with my shaking hands. - "I can't trust you anymore, no matter what you do." - I stepped back, and let his hands go.

"Please don't do this." - He took a step towards me, but I backed away.

"Don't do what?" - I spread my arms wide. - "Don't stand up for myself? Don't act for my own benefit for the first fucking time? What do you want from me, Rider? You already had my soul, my heart, my body, what else could you possibly want from me? I have nothing left!" - The words came out a little bit louder than I wanted them to. He took a step closer, but I pushed him back where he was.

"Spirit..." - He reached for my hand, but I pulled away.

"Just tell me what you want, and leave." - I didn't look at him. I couldn't. Even the sight of him felt like a dagger was pressed through my heart.

"I want you... I wan't to be with you." - He said. I couldn't help, but laugh.

"You really got nerves, don't you?" - I rolled my eyes, and looked at him. It hurt. He took a step closer, held my arms by my side, and kissed me force fully. I couldn't move.
Fear flushed through my body, when his hand reached under my top. With my free hand, I tried to push him away, but he was holding onto my left shoulder like a titanium clasp. His hand was cold on my skin as it wandered up and down on my bare back. Fear pounded in my veins, and I felt vulnerable in his arms.
When I realized that, I also came to realize that I was tired of this. I was tired of mourning my beloved ones, and my broken heart. I was tired of crying. I was tired of being a helpless little girl, who runs to hide behind other people. I was tired of being afraid all the time.
I was a Grigori, which meant I was a warrior, who acted the way that mostly benefited her. That meant that I was fearless, that I was dauntless, that I was audacious. That meant that I didn't belong anywhere, but people still came to work with me, because I was a strong creature, one of the most powerful nephilims alive today.
Even though I didn't deserve this title, I had it.
I was also the Nephilim Princess, a Soul Whisperer... I was way more than just a scared girl.

But what good could that do when I was overpowered by a strong fallen angel, who wanted to take advantage of my weaknesses? A lot.
Memories of the past raced across my vision as he tried to take my top off. Back then I would have let him without any question. But now something inside of me began to pulse. I whispered words I didn't knew the meaning of, they just came from within, and my free hand began to blaze with golden flames, like the ones that surrounded my coffee. But these were way more powerful, and I pushed my hand against his chest right above his heart.
Rider flew back, but his tight grip left a bruise on my left arm, his teeth left a cut on my lower lip, and his nails left scratches on my back, as he tried to hold onto me before the power pushed him away. But these bruises didn't hurt. I was numb.

Rider got up, and sip blood on the ground. By now, both of my hands were flaming with the golden flares, and the power that belonged to Marcus - Rider's cousin, who died in his place - were shielding me.
Don't let him get you too. I heard the whisper inside my head. The voice was unknown, but I could guess that it belonged to Marcus.
I let my power flow out, but kept the strings inside, so I wouldn't get connected to Rider again... ever. The flames began to burn with an insane roar.

"Spirit, calm down. I know you don't want to kill me.." - He said. At that moment, the door behind him flew open, and Morgen appeared with a group of guards. The guards immediately manacled   him, and pulled out of the room. I let the flames die in my palm, and dropped on the couch. My heart was still beating fast, but I was safe now.
I didn't know what was I thinking. Did I really want to kill Rider? Or what did I intend to do?

Morgen came up to me, and sat down beside me. - "You okay?"

"How did you know that I was in trouble?" -  I asked.

"I heard you shout." - He said. - "And I knew that Rider was somewhere in the castle already. I am sorry, I wanted you two to meet when I was around too."

"Thanks, but that wouldn't have changed anything at all. We would have end up fighting no matter who was around." - I pulled on my shoulder.

"Did he hurt you?" - Morgen asked, and touched a cut on my cheek that I didn't realize that I had.

"Just my self-respect, really." - I smirked. I didn't know how did I have the strength to do such thing. - "I can't believe I dated such an asshole." - I grabbed the feather necklace that he had given me, when I was a child, and ripped it off.

"Glad to see your reaction..." - Morgen laughed. - "I was kind of afraid that you would break down."

"I am already over that. Now comes the part when I wanna break his face." - To that, he laughed. - "That reminds me, what are they doing with him?" - I asked, remembering that the guardsmen took him away.

"They take him to the dungeons, and do what Ambriel commands from now on." - Morgen said, and began to play with the zipper of his gear.

"Aren't you sad?" - The question just broke out of me - "I mean you guys are best friends, or what..."

"More of an 'or what' since he became so self-centered in the past couple of years. You should have met him, when he was with Adriel. He was a really nice guy... I don't know what had happened when Adriel left him, but he just lost it." - Morgen chewed on his lower lip. - "But I know him well enough to know that he will get out of the dungeons somehow way before they could harm him."

"Should we let that happen?" - I knew it was a stupid question, but still I just had to ask. Morgen smirked as he looked at me. His sky-blue eyes shone with amusement.

"No." - He said, and the smile slowly faded from his lips. - "But we will anyway, because even though he is an awful being, we still love him to a certain point."

"True." - I had to admit. I didn't want my father to torture him, nor wanted him to die. I wanted to whoop his ass for what he had done to me, but that was about it. - "You are a good friend, Morgen."

"To you, or to him?" - He asked, not looking at me.

"Both." - I put my hand on his shoulder, and stood up.

"That reminds me... Your Lord Father told me to tell you that he summons you in the consilium hall in about an hour from now. Be ready, because the whole consilium will be present, not just the Sub. Even the Angels will be here, and the new Head of the Consilium, Razziel, and her cousins, Xephiel and our beloved Remiel."

"Ugh, I hoped that I can avoid seeing his ugly face for the rest of my life..." - I confessed. - "Am I supposed to dress up, and all?" - Morgen smiled, and a tiny green flare lit on his fingertip.

"Yes, and maybe hide your scars as well." - He touched my lip, and warmth burned the cut that Rider had left.
He healed my arm, and the small cut on my face as well. When he asked me, if I had any other wounds that should be healed, I bit my freshly healed lower lip, and pulled off my top. I could see his eyes widen. I turned around, and when he saw the scratch on my back, he cussed. When I looked at my top, I understood why... the wounds bled through the fabric, which was a proof that the wounds were deeper than I thought at the first place.
Morgen told me to lay down on my bed, because this will take more than just a few minutes. So I did as I was told. When the healing flames touched the wounds, I cried out in pain. The skin sizzled, and the flesh burnt. After about twenty minutes of this healing process, I almost fainted... but then it was over, and the pain was gone.

"Thanks.." - I said as I pulled my top over my head.

"Yeah, no problem." - He nodded, but his face was white.

"Are you okay?" - I asked.

"How could he scratch you that deep? You need claws to cause such a wound..." - He said.

"I don't know."

Grind My Broken Heart into Dust

I just stood there, dumbfounded when Morgen came out from the bathroom. I couldn't put the whole picture together. Rider was dead. I saw it with my own eyes, and felt it with my own hands. I could feel his cold skin... There was no way he could be calling Morgen.

"What'cha doin'?" - Morgen asked as he came closer.

"Who did you talk to on the phone?" - I asked. My voice shook as I tried to pull myself together. - "Please, tell me the truth. That's all I want."

Morgen looked at me, and I could see in his eyes, that he didn't know what to say. We just stared at each other, and all I could think about was who was this person, and who was that person on the phone with him. Was Morgen really someone I could call friend? He taught me how to survive, he was there for me when I needed him, but how much of that was really the truth.

"Is Rider really dead?" - I decided to choose another way of asking my questions.

"You looked into call history." - Morgen noted. I nodded. - "Oh, for Christ's sake..." - He dug his fingers into his hair. - "I didn't want this... damnit."

"You didn't want what?" - I shouted. I felt my stomach tighten. - "I have been searching for a way to get him back, to repay my dept to him, to find a way back to him, and you all made me believe that he was dead. You all just stood there, watching me as I slowly destroyed myself!" - I felt anger boost through my body, and I just wanted to punch something in the face.

"I didn't want to lie to you, okay?" - Morgen shouted back. - "I didn't want all this! I told Rider that he needs to tell you what's up, but he didn't listen to me."

"Why, what's up?" - I put my left hand on my hips, and wiped off the messed up mascara from my face with my right hand.

"Rider is not who you think he is." - Morgen bit his lips. - "He wanted you to go back to him to put a statement out there for the consilium showing that even royals commit sins. He isn't celestial. He belongs to the demonics... he Rider used you for your name, he wanted to show how weak the royals are in the consilium to the people who belong to the celestials."

"That's not true. He saved my life... several times. He was worried about me." - I didn't want to believe it.

"Did he have you then? No." - Morgen pointed a finger at me. I had a sudden urge to smash his face. - "On the postaquam, it wasn't him laying dead front of your eyes. That was Marcus, his cousin. They looked identical, don't they. Even the consilium didn't notice that they didn't capture the right person." - I thought about the corpse. The way he looked... extremely identical to Rider, I have to give him that.
However it was hard for me to believe that there is any truth in what he was saying.

Why would he do that? And why would he do it to me?

"I don't believe you." - My voice was shaking.

"See, that's why I didn't want to be the one to tell you." - He threw his hand in the air. - "I knew that no matter how I try to tell you, you would just brush it off. I knew that you won't listen to me, if I say something about your precious lover." - He basically spit the words.

"Why should I believe you? This is absurd!" - I felt betrayed, hurt, and I couldn't tell if Morgen was lying, or I should be regretting everything that I ever felt towards Rider. The way Morgen looked at me while he told this 'truth' made me scared that he actually wasn't lying about him using me to state a point.

"Because I love you." - He mumbled. What he said hit me like lightning.

"What?" - I whispered.

"I am not gonna say it again." - He shook his head. - "All this time, I perfectly knew what he wanted to do, but I didn't do shit to stop him, because he is my best friend, and you're just a stupid girl, who happened to be his next target. Then I got to know you, and somehow using you became something that pissed me off to no end. But by then, it was too late.
He already had the plan going for him just fine. And you wouldn't have listened to me by then... I tried to get closer to you as a friend, to make you trust me more than you trust him... but obviously, there was no hope that you might actually consider that he didn't want anything form you for real."

"I have seen his every memory. I have seen everything... there was nothing that seemed suspicious." - I said. He smirked, and licked his lips.

"Did you ever consider that he might be able to block some memories from you?" - Morgen asked. Now that would make sense, but I just didn't even want to consider the fact that I had been used.

"I have a power fragment that is identical to Rider's. If we meet, and he is able to use his powers, I will believe you. But I need proof, you have to understand that." - He nodded, but as I looked at him, I couldn't help, but see a wounded beast. He confessed to me, but all I cared about was if Rider is a liar or not. I didn't know anymore what to do. There was just so much pressure pressing my heart, that I couldn't put his confession to anywhere... however, I still had one more question about this whole mess. - "If you really feel the way you say, why did you reject my kiss?" - He was about to walk out from the room, but he turned around just a little bit, not looking at me, just to make me see he had heard my question.

"Would you really wanted to be with a person, who only replaces someone else with you?" - Morgen asked. The guilt struck me across the chest like a deadly arrow. - "You didn't kiss me, because you feel the same way about me; you kissed me, because I remind you of Rider."
Truth. Right there. Painful to hear, and made me sound like an awful person, but that was the truth. I just hoped that maybe he didn't fully understood my feelings about that kiss, and that maybe he rejected me because of something else, like he didn't want to hurt Rider... well, guess not.

"Do you hate me?" - I asked. He shook his head.

"No. We love who we love." - He put his hands in his back pockets, and finally turned around to face me. - "I just don't want you to get hurt in process, even though I know you will... and that I can't do anything to stop it."

I couldn't say a word. There was noting I could say to make it up to him. Tell him I love him too? No, that would be a huge lie. He was my friend, someone I looked up to, and  counted on... I knew that he would always be there if I was in trouble. But I felt speechless... Morgen never acted like he liked me at all, he mostly treated me like I was an annoying little girl who somehow became his friend too.
He was at the door, his hand on the doorknob.

"I don't wanna lose you." - I whispered. That was so unfair of me... that was like an ultimate bitch move. I wanted to just hit him in the head hard enough so he will forget everything that had happened in the last couple of minutes.

"You won't." - He opened the door, and disappeared behind it. He was lying, I could tell... I had already lost him when I choose Rider, but did Rider really betray me? And was I really that naive to fell for it so easily? Where was the knowledge of my ancestors now? Didn't they store any information about lies and boys? Was that really too much to ask?
How can I tell other than comparing this power fragment? If we got to that point where I had to pull that card, it would be too late.

***

I went back to bed, and pulled the blanket over my head. The door slowly opened, and Cassiel stepped into my room. He was holding a book. 

"Hey sis." - He called. I just murmured that I was alive, and turned to my other side. I had enough of males, and their un-understandable  behavior. Cass came closer, and sat on the side of my bed. - "What's wrong?"

I sat up, and covered my face with my hands. For a second, I was considering if I should tell him what had happened, or not... but then I decided to tell him, because after all, he was a man, and he was thinking like a man, so he must understand men.

I told him everything. 

"I'm so gonna kill that guy." - He murmured.

"Morgen?" - I asked.

"No. Rider." - He answered. - "I am so glad I punched that asshole..."

"I am actually not sure, if Morgen is telling the truth..." - I added.

"I know Morgen for quite a while by now. He doesn't lie, if it's not necessary... and I know Rider a little too; we met a couple times when I was attending meetings in Institutes. He is... annoying." - Cassiel put the book aside. - "if you meet him, and it turns out that he was lying, please never consider forgiving him." - He said. 

"I never said I want to - " -I began, but he cut me off.

"Yes, you did. Subconsciously, at least." - Cassiel sighed. - "I know that you are a good person, Spirit. Maybe too good to be part of this world. But you have to understand, that there are some people in this world, who don't think the way you do, and they see instruments of their plans in people, not actual individual beings with emotions, a heart, and a soul."

"I know that." - I said, and I looked at my hands. 

"But you don't accept it." - He pointed out, like he knew me better, than I knew myself. Which was probably true... however that scared me, if I thought about how little time we spent together, because that meant that I was an open book for everybody.

"I'll try." - I said. He messed up my hair. - "Hey!" - That made me smile a little. 

Cassiel was not around most of the time, because he was a messenger after all, and he had a job to do, so I didn't know him that well, but it felt like I didn't need to get to know him, because somewhere deep inside, we had a bond that cannot be broken. I knew that Ariel didn't believe that they would ever find me, or that I would survive in this world long enough for them to find me.... but since they did, he was there for me most of the time. I loved Ariel with all my heart, but I looked at Cassiel differently. Ever since he was assigned as a messenger, he was searching for me. The only person in the family, who believed in me, and that made me feel like he was the only person in the family - other than Iris - I could trust fully, and he was more than just a family member. He was my brother. It sounds horrible, but I didn't consider Ariel as my brother, or Ambriel as my father... they were just family members I never really knew that much.

Of course, I appreciated that they stood by me when I was screaming in pain, but they left me as soon as they thought I will stay alive. They never tried to understand me, because they didn't feel the need. 

But Cass did. 

"I brought you this book about spiritual bonding. This is about people like you... nephilims with soul whispering powers." - He handed me the book, and patted my shoulder. - "I think you should check out the city. You never actually saw it. It's not that different from the human world you know."

"What do you mean?" - I asked. Everything looked like it was brought here from the medieval era.

"They have coffee." - He said. 

"I'm in." - Coffee was the magic word in my dictionary. I know most of teens these times are addicted to coffee, but honestly, they got nothing on me. I could live on only coffee and biscuits - and yes, I would be the fattest person known to mankind, but let's just skip that part.

Cass smirked, and pulled me out of bed. He kissed my forehead, and pushed me towards the wardrobe.

"Go get dressed, I will lead you to the cafe nearby. I have to leave the castle today, but I think I have enough time to bring you there." - I grabbed a shirt and a pair of jeans from the closet, and threw a cape like blanket over my shoulder. Skydown was located north, so it always felt a little cold. I wasn't used to this, because the place I grew up was always warm. I have never seen snow before I came here, and I never imagined it to be so harshly cold.

That must sound stupid, since I have seen ice - in a cubed form, but never actually had to handle one until my fingers basically froze off.

We hurried down the tiny streets, and the light of the sun reflected on the shop windows all around. It kind of looked like how I imagined the downtown of Paris. Cass suddenly stopped at a small shop with black walls, on the outside, and creme colored ones on the inside. The counter was wooden, and the whole place smelled like coffee heaven. I looked up, and the name of the shop was Auburn Bakery.

When Cassiel opened the door, a small bell rang. A young girl came appeared. Her skin was light caramel, and her eyes were the color of creme. Her hair was black, braided in a tight french-braid at the back of her head. When she saw us come in, a wide smile spread across her full lips. Little, needle-like fangs were in her mouth. I took a step back, but Cassiel pulled me closer to the strange girl.

"Hey Bat, this is my sister." - He greeted the girl. What a weird name... okay, why was I confused by her name when she had fucking creme colored eyes, and fangs? Oh my god, I was bad at focusing.

"Hello dear, I Betty, but everyone calls me Bat." - She cocked her head to the side. - "So what name do you go by?"

"Spirit." - I tried to smile, and not tremble in fear.

"Ah, what a beautiful name." - Her smile was warm, but scared the shit out of me at the same time.

"Spirit, Bat is a werewolf, and she was born in LA, and lived in the LA Institute for quite a while, I guess about five years, right?" - Cassiel turned to Bat for a confirmation.

"Yes, about. I was twelve when I got there, and now I'm here, working in a cafe. It feels kind of strange." - She admitted. - "I thought I go back to finish school, because even though they educated me in the institute, I really don't know much about humans... but with my looks, it would be frightening for them. Sometimes it's like I don't even belong here, or there...." - Bat looked sad as she said this, which I could totally understand. The education in the Institute was mostly about fighting, and magic, not really about social studies, and actual science. Suddenly I felt connected to this girl. I put my hand on her shoulder, which not only surprised her, but also surprised me.

"I know that feeling, when everyone looks at you, like you don't belong. No one should feel that way." - I smiled at her, and she smiled back.

"Now that you guys are all friends, I have to leave" - Cassiel interrupted, totally ruining that moment. Oh senseless men. - "Bat, please write her coffee and everything she orders on my account. I will pay when I get back." - Cassiel kissed my forehead, and left the cafe. I looked after him until the streets swallowed his figure. 

"You have a very nice brother." - Bat said as she walked back behind the counter. - "I know him since we were little kids. When he lost his mother, it was like a world collapsed in him... all he could talk about was revenge, and killing those men."

"I feel the same way." - I admitted, which again surprised me, not only her. 

"Aren't you guys just half-siblings? I mean you look very young... and his sisters were murdered, as I heard, so you can't be like... siblings, can you?" - She was confused. So only the nobles knew that I was alive. 

"No, I am his sister. We share mother and father, and they only tried to take my life as a baby, but they never succeeded so far." - I told her. Her creme colored eyes widened.I sat down at a table, where the wall was painted bright blue and opened the book. This cafe amazed me. Everything warm, and then boom, there is a bright cold colored corner. I didn't understand the purpose of it, but that corner pulled me, like a magnet pulls a bobby pin.

"So... uh, what can I get for you?" - She asked.

"Do you have a cappuccino?" - I asked. I didn't know how far can I ask into the human drinks, after all, this cafe belonged to the magic world.

"Um... this is a little more complicated here, than in LA." - She confessed. - "We do have cappuccino, but several kind, each one to fit a certain taste of creatures. For example, we serve one that was made with blood instead of water to the ones, who have demon blood running in their veins." - Goosebumps of disgust ran down my spine.

"Don't you have just a simple latte? Like human coffee? Maybe?" - I asked hopefully. She smiled at me, and held up her index finger.

"I know what you need. You are a nephilim, right?" - She asked.

"A grigori, to be exact, yes" - Bat's eyes widened, once again. - "Well, not that I live up to this title though." - I tried to make it sound better. I forgot that in a celestial city, people don't really like the ones, who swing back and forth between being a celestial and a demonic. 

I became a grigori by planning on dealing with demons to get my sister back, but I never actually got to the point where I was doing the dealing part. So, I really didn't understand, why I became a grigori after all. 

Probably another bullshit from our beloved consilium. Honestly, I began to understand Rider's intentions to flip off the consilium by taking a highborn's virginity. I didn't want to believe that it was true, but I was thinking about it more and more, and if it was true, I would understand.

Wouldn't forgive for what he had done to me, that is, but I would understand. 

Bat put a coffee front of me, in a tall glass, and on the top, a symbol was drawn on the cream. The whole cup was flaming with golden flames. 

"You are crying, are you okay?" - She asked. I didn't even notice that the tears that I didn't know I had left began to roll down on my cheeks. I quickly wiped off the unwanted tears, and pulled the coffee closer to me. The smell was amazing. The last time I drank coffee was months ago, in Seattle, that Stephen made.

"Yes, Bat, thanks for the coffee... but how am I supposed to drink it, if it's on fire?" 

"Oh, the flames are the angelic essence in the coffee, it won't hurt you. Do you want a straw?" - I nodded. 

Now, whit the straw in my coffee, I sipped into the flaming drink, and the taste took me by surprise. It tasted exactly like normal coffee. Actually, it tasted like Stephen's coffee. I didn't know if there was purpose of it, but the taste made me feel like I was safe again, back in that apartment in Seattle, alone with Stephen, joking around, he sipping my coffee, and I could almost feel the taste of his pancakes in my mouth.

It was like this coffee brought me back in time, and I was at the step, where everything went wrong. If this coffee could actually bring me back in time, I could stop so much pain, and death, and just go off on my own, saving the trouble for the Severio brother, and I could slip out from Rider's plan. I could run away, and I could just go after my sister alone. 

Maybe I would end up dead in a very short time period, and I would never meet Ariel and Father, nor Onyx, or Bat, but I think it would worth it. 

I wouldn't be standing in this situation, where I was at the moment. If I could just go back to that day, when I marked Joel. I would never go near him, I would never mark him, I would do it so much better this time...

But no matter how magical that coffee be, even that can't bring me back in time to change the present, to erase the mistakes I have made.

There was no way, and I knew it.