And, when someone seeks the truth, that someone - who happens to be me in this case - commits several stupid, unnecessary mistakes. I am not saying that they were fully unnecessary, because at some point I would have done it eventually, I guess... maybe our actions are written somewhere in a great book... after such a day, I wouldn't be surprised if there were several gates to the future, or like a book where you can read your past, present, and future. I mean, there are several stories to stuff like that, so what if all the stories are true?
Okay, I get it, demigods are actually 3/4 angels, but other than that...
I bet there are a lot more to this world than I have ever imagined. There had to be. And many questions stormed around in my head after I cried my heart out, and got my shit together. For example; Why is this world hidden from humans? How do humans just walk past people like Rider, who's hair floats around him, like he is underwater, or Remiel, who's eyes are like those galaxy pictures on weheartit, and he sparkles like he fell into a bucket of glitter glue?! And what about repented demons - what made them change their mind about being an evil-soul-eater-monster-like-thingies? And hell-lights - aren't they supposed to be some evil phenomenon due to their demonic bloodline? And vampires/werewolves - what are they exactly?
But mostly I am interested in the past... to be specific, Rider's past. I want to know exactly what the hell caused him to fall. So that's the string I began to follow out of this labyrinth of information.
The hallways were dark and only floating tea lights lit the way - weird Roxfort resemblance that I do with to understand eventually... because this, my friend, is a total refutation of the laws of physics.
So, I passed the hallways, carefully checking the murals before entering a hallway. I ran up the stairs, and there were two halls to choose from. One had to be the Fallen Corridor... if I was right, the basic corridor map looked something like this:
- Hell-lights - Fallen Ones - fourth level
- Demigods - Half-bloods - third level
- Werewolves - Vampires - second level
- Repented Demons - Forest Spirits - first level
- Social rooms : Kitchen, Living room, corridor to the green house etc. - bottom floor.
- Basement (contains 4 levels that I know of.)
I swallowed, and took a deep breath. I had to do this... I had to know the truth.
I looked into the corridor on my left. The wall was painted with molten rocks, flares, and people in white, standing on the solid pieces. Okay, so this can be the fallen corridor, or the hell-light corridor just as well... I walked to the corridor on the right. The walls were painted with clouds, flying feathers, spats of blood, kneeling figures, with V shaped, bleeding scars, and screaming figures whose wings were about to thorn off by black figures - again back to Harry Potter :These guys are like well-fed dementors.
That had to be the Fallen Corridor. I walked into it. The first name was Angelica Evans... with a black ribbon on the door. So, that fellow's good as dead. I walked on... the next door was saying Remiel. So here is where the boss sleeps. I kinda expected him to have a suite for himself, with like super luxury furniture - He did have his office in this floor, right by the stairs, but that was not really a privilege....
Okay, next door. Zephiel, white ribbon... I wonder what that means... then came Raguel. Sounds familiar... I am not sure... Let's see the next door... Haniel.... sounds like Honey. Anyways, that is not Rider, for sure... so the only door that can be his is Raguel's door.
I raised my hand, and knocked on the door.
"I'm comin'" - A deep voice called out, rich as molten chocolate. I wonder if that was some kind of signature of fallen angels, because then I assume all narrators in the business had some connections to angels... anyways. That's not why I came here.
Rider opened the door, and suddenly froze as he recognized me.
"Hello, Angel." - I smiled. His aquamarine eyes examined my face carefully before he spoke.
"I'm no angel. What do you want?" - His tone was cold... no wonder. The girl stood before him, who caused him suffering in the world of the living for the rest of his life - which is pretty long if we count that he is immortal.
"To me, you kinda are. And I came to talk." - I added. I didn't lie: I did feel like he was still an angel; a guardian, a protector. I didn't feel wary around him, and the feather shaped medallion on my necklace felt warm when he was around. I began to realize that since sometimes we passed by each other in the past 2 days - that's how long it took for me to began to understand that if I truly want to become a warrior Grigori, I had to find out about the whole truth.
Rider hesitated, looked me in the eyes, then measured me about five times before he sighed as a sign of surrender.
"Alright, come in... but don't be surprised if I shatter your visions of me being the good guy." - He took a step aside, and I passed by him as I entered the room.
His room was nothing like mine. Everything was black satin - the bed sheets, the pillows on the bed and on his couch... okay, the couch was just textile, but it was black as well. On one wall, he had weapons hanging... not ordinary weapons: these were see-through, like they were made of glass. I touched one, and it lit up with a blue flare.
"Please do not touch those. They are extremely rare and powerful weapons carved from rune-stones." - He warned me.
"I'm sorry..." - My next stop was his window. The curtains were black, but they were see-through... on the outside, I saw the garden from the other side - my window faced the greenhouse, while his faced the stable. He watched my every move, like a predator watches the prey before attacking. This should have made me uncomfortable, but it didn't.
The walls were painted in a deep blue color, almost black, and the carpet under my feet was the same color. - "This isn't how I imagined your room to be honest. I thought it will be all white, with silver, and light brown..." - I smiled at hi. He raised his eyebrow.
"You do not know me. Making up images of who I might be will not help your case, Eva." - He said, and sat down on the couch with the grace of a big-cat.
"Please, call me Spirit. I prefer that." - I said. I remained standing... not exactly out of my nervousness, but rather the truth in his words. We didn't know each other at all by now. Years have passed by since the last time we met... the only time we have ever met, to be exact. So, I just stood there, watching him. He wore black jeans, and a white shirt, which almost glowed beside the rich black color of the couch. He spread his arms.
"So, Spirit. Tell me, what do you want to talk about. I suppose you weren't just curious of my furniture, were you?" - I saw that he was ill at ease deep inside: at least that's what his eyes showed, but his smile said I am well aware of what you want from me, and I have my own desires from you. I tried to ignore it. I guessed if a Fallen wanted something from you, that could never be good... I was probably seeing the situation from a wrong perspective, but he wasn't exactly the most innocent guy in the whole world...
"I want the truth. I want to know why you told my sister that you wish that one day I will be able to forgive you. I want the whole story, not just shards of information." - I said. - "I cannot see, why should you be the one asking for my forgiveness, since you have done no harm to me."
A little, bitter laugh left his mouth. - "Actually, I did hurt you." - He leaned forward, and rested his elbows on his knees. -"Back then, I was just a beginner guardian with no experience at all. You were the first person I was assigned to. I followed every word of the guardian codex to the last, most unimportant little note.... until one day, you called for me. I knew that I never appeared front of you, I knew I made sure you never saw me. But somehow you still knew I was there, and you called me. I broke the law for the first time, and I appeared front of you. Knowing that it was a mistake, making sure that even if I lost you as a client you will be protected, I gave you one of my feathers." - He pointed at my necklace. - "Glad to see you still have it... so, I gave you that. The guys up there punished me for appearing of course, and they forbid me of appearing front of you ever again. However, I remained as your guardian. Each day, I became more and more attached to you. I memorized your daily routine, when it happened that you didn't come home when you usually did, I panicked, and began searching for you... I realized that this must not be right. So when I asked an older guardian, he told me I was starting to love you. I didn't know what that meant, but he told me that I shall close those feelings away, because they are no good in our job... but I couldn't. I tried very hard, but I became more and more attached to you. I was there 24 hours a day beside you, and I couldn't bring myself to leave.... not even when you slept."
"Aren't all guardians present beside their client all day every day?" - I asked.
"No, that's very rare. We have protection spells on the client, but we usually don't remain by their side all the time. Unlike me, and I never left. You called for me every day, and I tried to make you feel my presence, but you didn't. I couldn't appear, that was forbidden. Then, one day, you sat by the window, and called my name, saying that if I wasn't just a dream, then do something to prove that I am real. I couldn't do anything... my hands were tied. Eventually you began crying, and ripped off the necklace I gave you, and yelled that you hated me, the dreams of me, everything, that angels were just a tale, and then you never believed I was real anyways." - He looked up at me. I could feel that this is a turning point in the story. - "For the first time, I felt pain... not physical, I was used to that, but this was more painful than any wound I have ever gotten in battle. This burned me, and it scared me. I waited, thinking that I only imagined it, but it didn't go away. I think I began to lost my mind. One day, as you walked home from school, I pushed you against a wall and choked you. But you only smiled at me. You didn't say anything, just smiled... God, you didn't even try to fight me off. You eyes just closed, and you lost consciousness. I backed away, you fell on the ground, and I couldn't believe that I made an attempt to kill you. My vow protected you, but I still almost killed you. Before I knew it, two men held me down, and ripped my wings off." - He took a deep breath. - "You didn't remember a thing when you woke up.... worst of all, you couldn't see me. After a while, I didn't even want you to see the person, who tried to murder you for things he himself couldn't understand. I made a huge mistake, which could have been fatal.." - He looked up at me. I took a step closer to him.
"Wrong. I do remember you. The boy with the bloody t-shirt, circulating around our house... I did see you. I was just too afraid to talk to you. I think I lost my memory as well, when you tried to kill me, because I had no memory of who you are, until two days ago, when you awakened the long last memories..." - I said, but couldn't look at him. I turned towards the bookshelf, and ran my fingers down on the titles pressed into the black leather cover. These books weren't printed in the last 20 years... they were at least 600 years old, clearly not written here, in America. The language looked like Latin but I couldn't be sure...
"The boy with the bloody t-shirt... that sums it up." - Rider said, and angrily threw his hands in the air.
"What am I supposed to say? I haven't even believed in magic, nor any tales I have ever heard, and now I am facing this, I am facing you.... I was goddamn 10, when you were there..." - The anger raised my voice as well. We stared at each other for a long moment.
He stood up, and took a step towards me, but then changed his mind, and walked to the window at the opposite side of the room.
"We were children. I didn't know what to do, so I simply lost my sense of justice." - Rider began. - "However, later on I realized that the angel I asked for help had lied to me. Love might not be allowed to us angels, but I did not love you." - He turned to face me. - "I just began to care, like brother cares for his little sister. There was no love included..." - He said. I couldn't believe he friend-zoned me so easily, so carelessly. To me, it seemed that with each step I take towards him, he takes two steps away from me, not allowing me to get close. - "I know, because I have loved, and that was nothing like I had felt for you."
"How do you know that was love?" - The question just simply slipped from my lips without my actual wish to ask it. Well, way to make myself look like an idiot.....
"I just know." - He said, but he was blushing at his ears. That made him look vulnerable, and much younger. He looked actually cute like that. I shook my head, trying to make those thoughts go away. I slowly nodded. - "What about you? Do you know what love is?"
That question made me laugh. - "I know the love between sisters, I know the love for dreams.... however, other than chasing after my dreams, my desires, my wishes, I have never tried to actually put my heart on the line if that's what you are asking."
That's right. I haven't loved. I don't know how.... and I am afraid to love.
Rider just nodded, and turned away. I took a book down from the shelf, and a picture fell on the ground. It was him, and a girl with beautiful white-blonde hair, and pale eyes. She was so pure, so delicate... and beside her was him, smiling. His eyes reflected happiness. I have never seen him this way. Maybe I never will. Who knows.. - "Is it her?" - I asked. I turned around, and looked at the photograph in my hand. He took it quickly, and it cached on fire in his hands. I let out a small laugh.
"She is not worthy of even remembering her name, but yes, that was her." - He said, with hatred flaming in his eyes. That hatred wasn't meant for me, and I was relieved that it wasn't meant for me. I put my hand on his shoulder, but he shook me off. - "I do not need a stranger's sympathy. Especially not a whore's like yours." - He spitted. I let my hand fall to my side.
"Is that what you think of me?" - I whispered. He raised his eyes on me, this time the anger and hate's target was no other than myself.
"You do not know who I am or what I've been through, so just fuck off, will ya?" - He yelled, and showed me towards the door. My hands tightened in fists.
"You said yourself. You do not know who I am, or what's my story, I am a stranger to you. Don't think the images you have made up in your head about me are true even the tiniest bit!" - I said, and straightened up.
He smirked in a sarcastic way.
"You are just a weak Grigori, a dead weight." - He leaned in my face, and his lips brushed mine as he whispered the next words, however, the scene was not even a bit seducing. - "I don't care who you are, not even a bit."
It was frightening to feel his power wrap around me like millions of arms, and to feel his aura grip my heart in a fist. Wait a second... I felt... I felt him. I felt him, in the way that's not normal.
I grabbed his face in my hands, and concentrated.
"What the hell...?" - He asked, but I already felt what I wanted... and he felt me feeling it. A small light inside his body, like a flame of a tea light.. I tried to reach for it with my mind, but he pushed me away physically. - "Are you trying to kill me?!" - He yelled at me.
"No." - I said, and walked towards him again, but he backed away. I rolled my eyes. - "I just want to explore a bit... I am not gonna hurt you."
"Explore.. right." - He said, and he backed until the wall didn't let him further. - "What are you exploring exactly..?"
"Your powers. They are fascinating. Even right now, I can feel them ran through my body, like millions of arms, reaching for my inner core. It's definitely weird, but the waves are so different... I just have to know how do you do that." - I said, but I knew better than to reach for him. He would break off my arm, by the way he looked at me.
"You can sense me?" -He asked with pure shock dancing in his voice.
"Yep." - I said. He took a step towards me, and reached out his arm towards me, like he was asking me to hand over something. I took a deep breath...
Okay, so I can sense people's power.... let's see if I can control it...
I reached my arms toward his, and gripped his hand with both of mine. I shut my eyes, and tried to imagine that flare I had seen just a little while ago. I could feel the millions of arms around me, and the way they teased my skin caused me goosebumps. It was a strange feeling. Finally I found the flare, but it was somehow smaller and different than before. It was like Rider held back...
"Okay, not let it float out." - I said, with my eyes still shut.
"Float out...?" - He repeated like I was saying something totally stupid.
"Yes, like... don't hold back... imagine that you are planning to attack me, and unleash the power." - I said. I couldn't explain it more accurately. He cleared his throat, and shifted his weight from one foot to another.
"Alright... here it goes." - I could tell by his voice that he was nervous about this. Probably not many people tried to reach up to the very base of his powers.
I felt a wave of power. The arms gripped me, began pulling me apart, and something warm touched my skin.. like sunlight, or warm water... the flare exploded like someone dumped gasoline on it, and reached me through our hands. I opened my eyes in surprise, and saw Rider staring at me with eyes wide open. I turned my head towards the window, because I thought I saw something. My hair was floating around me, like I was under water. As I looked out from the window, my gaze fixed on a bird, who was at the other side of the garden. It was a strange sensation, like my senses became inhumanly strong....
I get it, I am not a human, right... but this was the first time I actually felt powerful. Through our touch, Rider's power leaked into me.
"Amazing!" - I said, and looked back at him. - "This power... wow, you are... wow." - I couldn't talk in whole sentences. Who could in my position?! I couldn't believe what I've done, and I didn't exactly knew how I did it. It was all so unbelievable.
"What..?" - He looked at me like I've lost my mind completely. I smiled at him shyly.
"I saw your powers.. at least I think I did." - I began to explain. - "And through our connection, I was able to lead your powers through my body, so we basically shared your power for a little while." - I showed him my palms, where red marks, like bruises, showed where his powers entered my body. He drew his eyebrows together, and looked at me worriedly.
"I could see that. But how did you that?"
"I don't know!" - I shouted excitedly.
"Okay, okay, calm down." - He said, putting one hand on my shoulder, then suddenly he withdrew, like I burned him.
"I am not doing it now." - I said. I felt a bit disappointed to see that instead of being impressed by my improvement in this whole magical bullshit, he seemed vary about my powers.
Don't worry, you are one of us now. Remiel's voice echoed in my head when I mentioned not being okay with living with a bunch of paranormal weirdos. I guess what goes around, comes around. Now I was the freak..... just think about it. Freak amongst the freaks. Not really a good sign, if you's ask me.
"Okay, let's go over this again." - He began. - "You can force people to share their powers with you."
"I did not force you!! I asked for permission." - I felt a little insecure now. I hid my palms in my pockets, and backed away from rider. I closed my eyes, and suddenly a memory hit me.
There was a girl, smiling at me. But I wasn't myself; I was in Rider's body... He was reaching out for her, and she reached out for me - for him - at the same time. We were falling, and there was no destination to our fall... the darkness hugged our bodies.
"Catch my hand!" - Rider yelled, but before he could catch the girl, she withdrew her hands.
"I am truly sorry." - She said, and opened her wings. She flew, and distance grew between us. Pain ran through my body... what is she doing... we were supposed to save each other...I mean she and Rider were supposed to save each other... but what now?
I - I mean Rider - let my arms out wide, and just fell. Funny, it felt a lot like when I was becoming a guardian, and I was learning how to maneuver in the air. But now, wingless, there were no trick I could pull off to survive this.
My thoughts synchronized with his memories... I became his memory. It was so strange, like dreaming, but at the same time it was so real. Inside my head, I heard his thoughts.
I should have thought it will happen. She was an angel after all. Adriel would have fallen, just like I did back then, if she lets her feelings rule her actions.
But did she have any kind of feelings for me? She left after all... and she didn't even try to at least save my life. Did it mean nothing to her.... I should have told her how I felt. Maybe then she would've considered coming with me.
But I knew deep down that was never an option. She loved to be an angel, she belonged there. Unlike me, who always had different viewpoints on things that the codex. Adriel was happy to be there, while I hated every day of it. I think falling was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now at least I am free...
Again, but what does it matter when you don't feel happy like that...? My chest hurts, and it isn't any kind of physical wound. She broke my heart...
I was close to hit the ground. 3... 2... 1...
"Good bye."
I was suddenly back in my own body, gasping for air, still twitching from that memory. My body was still not fully awake from the sensation.... somewhere it still believed I died just a moment ago.
Rider was kneeling beside me, not daring to touch my shoulder. Well, I guess I understand.
"What happened?" - He asked. I knew he would rage if I told him I saw a piece of his memory, so I lied.
"I don't think sharing powers is a great idea.... my body doesn't seem to be capable of handling it." - For real, it was only that I didn't just share his powers with him through our connection, but he shared his memories as well without willing to do so.
"Did you have a vision, or something?" - He asked. - "Because it looked a lot like when Remiel is slipping into someone's mind."
"It sounds such a bad, evil thing when you put it like that." - I complained. - "He simply shares memories, and collecting information..." - I murmured.
"Yeah, that's the exactly same thing you know." - He rolled his eyes at me. - "Anyway that would be a real surprise if you'd have similar powers..." - his eyes widened.
"What now?" - I began to have enough of this. I was enough of a freak already.
"He touched you! He showed you the past!" - He began explaining - "So you had a connection."
I shook my head violently. - "No, I didn't borrow his powers. I would've felt it."
"So you are conscious of it!" - He stood up.
"Not really. I can tell you when I am doing it, but I just began to understand how it works. I can't fully control it, but I am now aware of its full presence, if that's what you are trying to say." - I said, and stood up as well.
"I wonder how would sex feel like while sharing powers with other people." - He said. I felt my head turn red as a tomato.
"Not in a million years." - I yelled.
"Oh, I didn't mean it that way. I would never want you in my bed, that's for sure. I was thinking what if I had such power." - He said with a mean grin across his lips. - "Why would you think that a guy like me would ever want anything from a girl like you?"
He had a point, but there was no way I would let him win so easily without a fight.
"Oh, c'mon. You fell for me once, there is no proof you wouldn't do it twice." - I said, and walked towards the door. I heard him chuckle from behind. I reached the door, and opened it. - "Thank you for your help. I won't bother you anymore."
I meant it. I got the info I needed; now I knew it wasn't my fault that he fell, and now I knew that I was more of a freak than any of them. I guess you can call that a productive day, however... every time I closed my eyes, I saw that memory part... when he hit the ground... and since I was in his body... I died with him.
It was so strange. I couldn't explain but I felt a strong urge to ask him how did he survive... but I couldn't do that. He would figure that I stole memories... I couldn't let that happen.
Please, God, if you exist - and after all this I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did - help me. I am even more lost that I used to be... and I need a guide line, because I would never survive this world alone with a healthy mind. If it goes on like this... I will go mad.
"The boy with the bloody t-shirt... that sums it up." - Rider said, and angrily threw his hands in the air.
"What am I supposed to say? I haven't even believed in magic, nor any tales I have ever heard, and now I am facing this, I am facing you.... I was goddamn 10, when you were there..." - The anger raised my voice as well. We stared at each other for a long moment.
He stood up, and took a step towards me, but then changed his mind, and walked to the window at the opposite side of the room.
"We were children. I didn't know what to do, so I simply lost my sense of justice." - Rider began. - "However, later on I realized that the angel I asked for help had lied to me. Love might not be allowed to us angels, but I did not love you." - He turned to face me. - "I just began to care, like brother cares for his little sister. There was no love included..." - He said. I couldn't believe he friend-zoned me so easily, so carelessly. To me, it seemed that with each step I take towards him, he takes two steps away from me, not allowing me to get close. - "I know, because I have loved, and that was nothing like I had felt for you."
"How do you know that was love?" - The question just simply slipped from my lips without my actual wish to ask it. Well, way to make myself look like an idiot.....
"I just know." - He said, but he was blushing at his ears. That made him look vulnerable, and much younger. He looked actually cute like that. I shook my head, trying to make those thoughts go away. I slowly nodded. - "What about you? Do you know what love is?"
That question made me laugh. - "I know the love between sisters, I know the love for dreams.... however, other than chasing after my dreams, my desires, my wishes, I have never tried to actually put my heart on the line if that's what you are asking."
That's right. I haven't loved. I don't know how.... and I am afraid to love.
Rider just nodded, and turned away. I took a book down from the shelf, and a picture fell on the ground. It was him, and a girl with beautiful white-blonde hair, and pale eyes. She was so pure, so delicate... and beside her was him, smiling. His eyes reflected happiness. I have never seen him this way. Maybe I never will. Who knows.. - "Is it her?" - I asked. I turned around, and looked at the photograph in my hand. He took it quickly, and it cached on fire in his hands. I let out a small laugh.
"She is not worthy of even remembering her name, but yes, that was her." - He said, with hatred flaming in his eyes. That hatred wasn't meant for me, and I was relieved that it wasn't meant for me. I put my hand on his shoulder, but he shook me off. - "I do not need a stranger's sympathy. Especially not a whore's like yours." - He spitted. I let my hand fall to my side.
"Is that what you think of me?" - I whispered. He raised his eyes on me, this time the anger and hate's target was no other than myself.
"You do not know who I am or what I've been through, so just fuck off, will ya?" - He yelled, and showed me towards the door. My hands tightened in fists.
"You said yourself. You do not know who I am, or what's my story, I am a stranger to you. Don't think the images you have made up in your head about me are true even the tiniest bit!" - I said, and straightened up.
He smirked in a sarcastic way.
"You are just a weak Grigori, a dead weight." - He leaned in my face, and his lips brushed mine as he whispered the next words, however, the scene was not even a bit seducing. - "I don't care who you are, not even a bit."
It was frightening to feel his power wrap around me like millions of arms, and to feel his aura grip my heart in a fist. Wait a second... I felt... I felt him. I felt him, in the way that's not normal.
I grabbed his face in my hands, and concentrated.
"What the hell...?" - He asked, but I already felt what I wanted... and he felt me feeling it. A small light inside his body, like a flame of a tea light.. I tried to reach for it with my mind, but he pushed me away physically. - "Are you trying to kill me?!" - He yelled at me.
"No." - I said, and walked towards him again, but he backed away. I rolled my eyes. - "I just want to explore a bit... I am not gonna hurt you."
"Explore.. right." - He said, and he backed until the wall didn't let him further. - "What are you exploring exactly..?"
"Your powers. They are fascinating. Even right now, I can feel them ran through my body, like millions of arms, reaching for my inner core. It's definitely weird, but the waves are so different... I just have to know how do you do that." - I said, but I knew better than to reach for him. He would break off my arm, by the way he looked at me.
"You can sense me?" -He asked with pure shock dancing in his voice.
"Yep." - I said. He took a step towards me, and reached out his arm towards me, like he was asking me to hand over something. I took a deep breath...
Okay, so I can sense people's power.... let's see if I can control it...
I reached my arms toward his, and gripped his hand with both of mine. I shut my eyes, and tried to imagine that flare I had seen just a little while ago. I could feel the millions of arms around me, and the way they teased my skin caused me goosebumps. It was a strange feeling. Finally I found the flare, but it was somehow smaller and different than before. It was like Rider held back...
"Okay, not let it float out." - I said, with my eyes still shut.
"Float out...?" - He repeated like I was saying something totally stupid.
"Yes, like... don't hold back... imagine that you are planning to attack me, and unleash the power." - I said. I couldn't explain it more accurately. He cleared his throat, and shifted his weight from one foot to another.
"Alright... here it goes." - I could tell by his voice that he was nervous about this. Probably not many people tried to reach up to the very base of his powers.
I felt a wave of power. The arms gripped me, began pulling me apart, and something warm touched my skin.. like sunlight, or warm water... the flare exploded like someone dumped gasoline on it, and reached me through our hands. I opened my eyes in surprise, and saw Rider staring at me with eyes wide open. I turned my head towards the window, because I thought I saw something. My hair was floating around me, like I was under water. As I looked out from the window, my gaze fixed on a bird, who was at the other side of the garden. It was a strange sensation, like my senses became inhumanly strong....
I get it, I am not a human, right... but this was the first time I actually felt powerful. Through our touch, Rider's power leaked into me.
"Amazing!" - I said, and looked back at him. - "This power... wow, you are... wow." - I couldn't talk in whole sentences. Who could in my position?! I couldn't believe what I've done, and I didn't exactly knew how I did it. It was all so unbelievable.
"What..?" - He looked at me like I've lost my mind completely. I smiled at him shyly.
"I saw your powers.. at least I think I did." - I began to explain. - "And through our connection, I was able to lead your powers through my body, so we basically shared your power for a little while." - I showed him my palms, where red marks, like bruises, showed where his powers entered my body. He drew his eyebrows together, and looked at me worriedly.
"I could see that. But how did you that?"
"I don't know!" - I shouted excitedly.
"Okay, okay, calm down." - He said, putting one hand on my shoulder, then suddenly he withdrew, like I burned him.
"I am not doing it now." - I said. I felt a bit disappointed to see that instead of being impressed by my improvement in this whole magical bullshit, he seemed vary about my powers.
Don't worry, you are one of us now. Remiel's voice echoed in my head when I mentioned not being okay with living with a bunch of paranormal weirdos. I guess what goes around, comes around. Now I was the freak..... just think about it. Freak amongst the freaks. Not really a good sign, if you's ask me.
"Okay, let's go over this again." - He began. - "You can force people to share their powers with you."
"I did not force you!! I asked for permission." - I felt a little insecure now. I hid my palms in my pockets, and backed away from rider. I closed my eyes, and suddenly a memory hit me.
There was a girl, smiling at me. But I wasn't myself; I was in Rider's body... He was reaching out for her, and she reached out for me - for him - at the same time. We were falling, and there was no destination to our fall... the darkness hugged our bodies.
"Catch my hand!" - Rider yelled, but before he could catch the girl, she withdrew her hands.
"I am truly sorry." - She said, and opened her wings. She flew, and distance grew between us. Pain ran through my body... what is she doing... we were supposed to save each other...I mean she and Rider were supposed to save each other... but what now?
I - I mean Rider - let my arms out wide, and just fell. Funny, it felt a lot like when I was becoming a guardian, and I was learning how to maneuver in the air. But now, wingless, there were no trick I could pull off to survive this.
My thoughts synchronized with his memories... I became his memory. It was so strange, like dreaming, but at the same time it was so real. Inside my head, I heard his thoughts.
I should have thought it will happen. She was an angel after all. Adriel would have fallen, just like I did back then, if she lets her feelings rule her actions.
But did she have any kind of feelings for me? She left after all... and she didn't even try to at least save my life. Did it mean nothing to her.... I should have told her how I felt. Maybe then she would've considered coming with me.
But I knew deep down that was never an option. She loved to be an angel, she belonged there. Unlike me, who always had different viewpoints on things that the codex. Adriel was happy to be there, while I hated every day of it. I think falling was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now at least I am free...
Again, but what does it matter when you don't feel happy like that...? My chest hurts, and it isn't any kind of physical wound. She broke my heart...
I was close to hit the ground. 3... 2... 1...
"Good bye."
I was suddenly back in my own body, gasping for air, still twitching from that memory. My body was still not fully awake from the sensation.... somewhere it still believed I died just a moment ago.
Rider was kneeling beside me, not daring to touch my shoulder. Well, I guess I understand.
"What happened?" - He asked. I knew he would rage if I told him I saw a piece of his memory, so I lied.
"I don't think sharing powers is a great idea.... my body doesn't seem to be capable of handling it." - For real, it was only that I didn't just share his powers with him through our connection, but he shared his memories as well without willing to do so.
"Did you have a vision, or something?" - He asked. - "Because it looked a lot like when Remiel is slipping into someone's mind."
"It sounds such a bad, evil thing when you put it like that." - I complained. - "He simply shares memories, and collecting information..." - I murmured.
"Yeah, that's the exactly same thing you know." - He rolled his eyes at me. - "Anyway that would be a real surprise if you'd have similar powers..." - his eyes widened.
"What now?" - I began to have enough of this. I was enough of a freak already.
"He touched you! He showed you the past!" - He began explaining - "So you had a connection."
I shook my head violently. - "No, I didn't borrow his powers. I would've felt it."
"So you are conscious of it!" - He stood up.
"Not really. I can tell you when I am doing it, but I just began to understand how it works. I can't fully control it, but I am now aware of its full presence, if that's what you are trying to say." - I said, and stood up as well.
"I wonder how would sex feel like while sharing powers with other people." - He said. I felt my head turn red as a tomato.
"Not in a million years." - I yelled.
"Oh, I didn't mean it that way. I would never want you in my bed, that's for sure. I was thinking what if I had such power." - He said with a mean grin across his lips. - "Why would you think that a guy like me would ever want anything from a girl like you?"
He had a point, but there was no way I would let him win so easily without a fight.
"Oh, c'mon. You fell for me once, there is no proof you wouldn't do it twice." - I said, and walked towards the door. I heard him chuckle from behind. I reached the door, and opened it. - "Thank you for your help. I won't bother you anymore."
I meant it. I got the info I needed; now I knew it wasn't my fault that he fell, and now I knew that I was more of a freak than any of them. I guess you can call that a productive day, however... every time I closed my eyes, I saw that memory part... when he hit the ground... and since I was in his body... I died with him.
It was so strange. I couldn't explain but I felt a strong urge to ask him how did he survive... but I couldn't do that. He would figure that I stole memories... I couldn't let that happen.
Please, God, if you exist - and after all this I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did - help me. I am even more lost that I used to be... and I need a guide line, because I would never survive this world alone with a healthy mind. If it goes on like this... I will go mad.
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