I am Your Angel

"Guilt is perhaps the worst companion 

of Death."

            -Coco Chanel                                 

I left Remiel's room, just to bump into that guy from before. He was the one eating apple back in the hallway. I felt a little stupid for forgetting his name, but seemed like he didn't bother to even look at me. he just walked past me. I don't know if I am relieved or frustrated by his ignorance.
At least he is not predicting my death. That's good, right?!
But I couldn't help, but wonder... what is he? I mean is he some half blood, like me? Or an angel? I couldn't see him as a fallen angel. I mean he was just so... bright. His skin, his eyes... even his movements were as graceful as a dancer's.
He disappeared at the staircase, and I sighed. I guess that remains as a mystery for now.

I walked back to the hallway, and I found a boy sitting at the bottom of the stairs, cleaning... throwing knives. Okay, so I live among people who have special powers, and know how to use throwing knives... or at lest know how to clean them. No biggie... you hear me, Spirit?! No time for freaking out even more right now...
After I convinced myself that this guy wont hurt me - Remiel said I was one of them after all - I walked up to the guy with a big smile on my face. It was one of the smiles I had perfected for scary costumers, when I worked in the Diner.  Play it cool.

"Hey! Have you seen..."

"No." - He cut me off, and glared at me with the most piercing eyes I have ever seen. His black hair was unnaturally shining, and his arms were covered with tattoos, just like Flame's. His eyes were coal black, and and cold as ice. I instantly backed off an started to walk away.

Okay, so he is not exactly the nicest person in the house. I sighed. How am I supposed to find Iris? Or maybe I shouldn't on the second thought. She should have some time for her own. I mean, we only had each other for so long, and now we finally can socialize with people in our age. That was supposed to be good, right?

So where am I supposed to go now?
Another sigh left my lips, and I began wandering around in the hallways. They were white with all kind of angelic paintings. I guess it's understandable... then, I got to a floor, where the painting changed, and showed Greek gods...

"No way.." -I whispered. I supposed I shouldn't be surprised that they existed as well as creatures like angels. I mean how much different they can be from the other supernatural freaks?
I examined one of the murals, and realized that the man painted on the picture looked exactly like Mr. I-wanna-kill-you from the hallway before.
I backed away. Nope nope nope. This was just too freaky.
I turned around to leave, but I bumped right into someone.

"Oh, I am so sorry." -I backed away from the person - who did not even moved an inch from the bump - and the blood in my veins froze as I looked up, and saw him. - "I-I-I... I was just leaving...D-don't mind me!" - I let out a little nervous laugh, and basically ran away.

Phew, that was a close one - I thought - For a second, I thought he is gonna kill me right not the spot. 
I mean, he had the ability, right? Oh, well... he let me run away so I guess we will eventually get along.

I ran down the hallway, up the stairs, not daring to look back, or stop. I passed several people, who looked at me with strange looks, but I didn't care. I wanted to put as much distance between me and that creep as it was possible inside one house.
Finally, I got to a hallway, which was painted yellow, and the murals showed ordinary people, like me. Except... they had halos. Well... unless saints are present in this house as well, this must be the Nephilim hall. I began reading the name tags on the doors, but soon enough I realized that something strange was going on. Every door had a black ribbon tied to the door knob.

"What is this..?" - I asked myself. For my surprise, I actually got an answer.

"Currently, we don't have other half-bloods in our mansion than Iris and you. These people died a heroic death." - Remiel touched a black ribbon three doors from where I stood. - "Olga Avilov. She was a brave one. Olga was the last half-blood before you guys arrived."

"Is it... usual for half-bloods to die off so quickly?" - The question slipped out from my mouth. I actually didn't want to ask it. I didn't want to know. Remiel smiled at me.

"These people were well trained warriors. But we often lose people in combat, regardless of what species they belong to. They can be half-bloods, hell-lights, repented demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves, fallen ones, or forest spirits... it doesn't matter." - I already knew what warlocks, vampires, werewolves, half-bloods, and fallen ones were..I could also guess what repented demons were, even though I didn't really like the idea of living among those.. but what the hell were hell lights?  And forest spirits? Are they like... wisps, like the little guys in Brave? Gosh... this is too much for one day.. Seeing my expression, Remiel laughed. - "Don't make that face at me. I know it's hard for you, but you'll understand soon."

"What are hell-lights and forest spirits?" - My curiosity won, and I couldn't hold my question back.

"Hell-lights are half something, and half demon. Like for example, Darren, however he is a very rare piece; he is half angel, half demon, plus, he is in complete balance between the dark and light... and then, there is Flame, who is the daughter of Lucifer. You have surely heard that name before." - I nodded with a frightened expression... okay, I have never been religious, but this was still freaky. I am sorry, I really am... I know I overuse this word lately, but I cannot find a better explanation for the happenings around me. - "So, she is the daughter of him, and a human woman. That mixture is way more popular. Demons often leave their seeds in humans, because unlike Flame, those kids are most likely to serve the demons eventually. But if we are talking about this, I must tell you that even half-bloods, like yourself might become servants of dark. The phrase that describes them from the Second Book of Enoch is the following : 'the Grigori, who with their prince Satanail rejected the Lord of light.' They are called Slavonic Enoch. So know this: You might be influenced by our views on this right now, but you have a choice. You can remain on the celestial side, or choose the demonic way. But choose quickly. I am not here to waste my time on a person, who will betray our beliefs and leave us. I can't let you remain with us, if you choose the demonic side."

Way to put me in a difficult situation. I like to make my choices considering everything I know. I have never been religious, and now was not the time to start. But all I knew was demons were bad. They killed all these half-bloods, and who knows who else. Most likely, I will be killed just like them. But I still had a backbone. As I looked at Remiel, I knew I want to be a celestial. I knew that this was right. Maybe my father will eventually believe that I am who I say I am, and come for me. If I choose to be a Slavonic Enoch, I could kiss good bye to my dreams and hopes.
Being evil was never a choice for me. I have always pitied people, who didn't seek justice, and choose to be robbers, killers, and torturers. So why would I doubt my beliefs now?
I want to be good.

"It was never a question, Remiel." - I smiled. - "I am my father's daughter, whoever that might be... but he is an angel, and I am who I am. I will be a strong Grigori, and I want to be one on this side."

A smile spread across his lips.

"Well said, Spirit. From now on, you shall be called Spirit Evangeline Princeps. You deserve to be called by your father's last name."

I felt warmth spread across my chest. I have never felt such feeling. It was like I was happy, and proud, but I felt beloved, and I felt like I really belong... That was a first. Seems like today was the strangest day of my life, but also the very best.
I think I should have been more frightened than I actually was, but I saw the life from a whole another perspective, like everything became way more brighter that it used to be.

"Oh, and by the way, this will be your room from now on." -He pointed at a door, which had no black ribbon on it. At least not yet... and i sure hoped that it won't have any ribbon on it any time soon. - "Please keep in mind that even though we are allies, some of us have a lack of self control. So please note that the vampire hallway is off limits, and so is the werewolf hallway. You may enter the hell-light hallway, it's not forbidden, but I don't recommend it. Fallen hallways are always open for you, and if you need anything, please come, and tell me what you seek. Also, you better know that the Forest Spirit hallways may look abandoned, and all dirty, and so on, but please, don't touch anything. Especially not the plants. Of course, if you become friends with one of them, they sure, do as you like, but since you are so new to this world, I wouldn't recommend it either." - So I live among allies, who wanna kill me. Isn't that the cutest thing...? *cough cough* sarcasm.

"What about that Greek hallway?" - I asked.

"Ahh, they are three-fourth angels, often mistaken by demigods. They are pretty strong, but I wouldn't recommend that hall either. Just stay in this and the main hallways. You can tell which hallway you are in by just a look of it, so it shall be pretty simple." - He cleared his throat. - "I hope you'll find your place soon. Your training will begin tomorrow at six a.m. I sure hope that you don't mind that when it came to deciding who shall train you, I choose Morgen."

"Who is Morgen?" - Please don't be the dark, creepy throwing knife freak! I prayed silently.

"He is an Evangelion. You know, one of the guys who get mixed up with demigods? He has tattoos, and black hair..?" - His description basically covered the guy I feared the most in the whole house. Damn.

"Ehh... he is... not really... found of me." - I admitted. Remiel laughed.

"No, I think he is actually very found of you. He requested to take over your training from Rider." - Well, that would explain why would he predict my death in one week. Now it all makes sense. That bastard!

"Can't we just switch me back to train with Rider...?" - I asked.

"No." - That was one simple answer. Cold, but simple.

"Well... thanks for everything." - I smiled at him, and opened my door.

My room was simple. White walls, a desk, a bed, closet, a bathroom... the only luxury in it was its size and the couch. Well, I guess I just enjoy this as long as I can... If I think back of the past 12 hours... no, the past 6 hours... maybe even less than that... but well, if I think back, I just have to laugh... this nonsense about angels and demons makes me very uncomfortable, and then I didn't mention the werewolves and vampires yet. There is no way they are real, right? There shouldn't be.... Why shouldn't they be real? My consciousness asked...

Well, I am officially going mad. I am talking to myself. Sweet Lord.

I walked to the bathroom to fix my makeup, because I was pretty sure after sprinting through the hallways, it just kind of melted off my face.
As I looked at my reflection, I saw a whole another person, than I was used to. My face was pale, and my eyes were open so wide, like I just saw a ghost... well, at least I haven't seen one of those yet. I doubt I could sleep knowing that there is some kind of spirit might be watching me.... spirit....me..?
Yes, I was going mad.
Please, let this be a dream.

Pictures of my mother's face flashed into my vision, as she saved me and Iris, and immediately got ready to face whatever came... she knew she will die, I could see it on her face, but the determination to fight until her last breath was also clear in her eyes.
I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be strong enough to make selflessness decisions that would serve the ones I love the most.
My father's shocked face, as he tried to fight off those men, as he tried to save the family he had... and the knowledge that he has already lost it. Why did it had to happen? Why did it have to be my family?

I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I wiped off angrily the embarrassing signs of my desire for the past, for a normal life, and my weakness.
I tucked on the top of my sneakers to make sure they were well tied, and hurried out my room, without an exact direction. I just needed to move. I needed to run away from my thoughts, like I always did. My feet led me down the stairs, and ran into a tall person with blonde hair... no, golden hair floating around his cheeks. I swear that was not normal, it looked like he was under water. But I recognized those kind of aquamarine eyes.

"You are Rider, right?" - I asked. He smirked.

"Yeah. Whatcha want?"

"Just checking" - I shook my head - "I wanna memorize every name as fast as possible." - His smirk grew wider, and he pushed me against the wall, holding both of my arms above my head. It felt extremely seducing and scary at the same time. I didn't know what to do. Rider  was so strong, and his grip trapped my hands. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment for the unexpected lust that rushed through my body. He closed the distance between us, and leaned forward. For a moment I thought he will kiss me, but his lips passed by, and went straight to my ears. My heart beat so fast, I was sure he could feel it. Well, this is awkward.

"Am I that easy to forget, little Eva?" - He whispered. The words froze on my lips. I wanted to answer, but I was over-rushed by the sudden memories I never even knew I had at the first place.

***

I was standing at the edge of my room, gripping my pink bunny tightly, crying aloud. Front of me, a monster was growling, and clicking its tongue at me. Saliva dripped from its mouth. My heart was racing, and I couldn't help it, but I cried out.

"Angel, where are you?" - I sniffed, and just then, a boy's face appeared front of me. He wrapped his hands around me, and lifted me up. He wasn't that much older than me, maybe 12, or so, but he was already so much taller.... with a graceful movement, he swung a dagger at the creature, and it disappeared. I was gripping his soft, white, wool shirt, and quietly sobbed into his chest.

"It's okay now, little Eva. I am here now." - He whispered, and stroked my hair gently. - "I will always protect you, no matter where you go."

I looked up at him, and his face was so gentle... I cuddled up in his hold, feeling safe. He put me down on my bed, and stroked my hair. His wings fluttered as he moved. His feathers were so white, it looked almost like they were glowing. His golden hair floated around his head like a halo. The angel put a necklace around my neck.

"This will protect you from every harm. It's one of my feathers." - A medallion on the necklace was a feather carved out of metal, but it did glow a little like his wings. I gripped it in my baby-hand-like fist.

"Please, tell me your name." - I asked.

"My name is Raguel. But please, call me Rider." - He answered after a little pause.

"Well, Rider... please, don't ever leave me." - I sniffed, still unable to speak right with my tears choking me. 

"I promise you." - He kissed the top of my head, and I believed him. 

That was a mistake. Even though I never saw another creature like that disgusting thing that almost ate me, but Rider never showed up ever again. I waited, and sometimes I called out to him, hoping that he would come for me again... but he never did.

As the years passed, I began to think that I only dreamed that boy. The only thing that I held onto was the necklace, but eventually, I began to think that I maybe just forgot how I got the necklace, and I just had a strange dream about it.

Then, slowly, I began to forget about him. Everyday problems took over his place. I did see golden strings of hair, or a pair of wings... but by then, I didn't even know what they meant. Later, even the dreams had stopped... and I forgot all about my angel.

***

It wasn't like the time Remiel forced his memories on me. These were memories I had, and they broke to the surface. 

I was breathing fast, feeling shocked. I looked up at the pair of aquamarine eyes, and I felt a sort of guilt. I knew him, and he knew me. 

"I waited for you." - The words suddenly slipped out from my mouth before I could even stop them. Like he was hit by electricity, he let go of my arms, and backed off. His face went blank, not allowing even one little emotion to leak out.

"Well, too bad." - He turned around, and began to walk away. How cruel... he force me to remember of everything I had forgotten, made me feel guilty, and then he just shakes off everything. I wanted to call after him, I wanted him to explain to me what was going on... but I couldn't. I suddenly felt tired, and slid to the ground, gripping the necklace he had given me so long ago... the necklace that had been my lucky charm, that I never took off. It was a piece of him that I carried with me. I wish I could know why did he never showed up ever again.

I sat at the hallway, silently mourning my normal life, and my sanity, when my sister came along the corridor. I was still gripping the necklace, but I was sure I looked like I got beaten up. In some ways, I did felt like I actually was beaten... Remiel had beaten my illusions of a normal life, and a normal future. I had beaten myself with being sour about the past, thinking of all the what ifs... and then there was Rider, who had beaten me with my own memories, my own guilt, and his own words, and carelessness. 

"Holy crap, Spirit. You alright?" - She asked. I felt a fresh bottle of tears getting ready to overflow.... I tried to swallow back everything; the tears, the sorrow, the what ifs... everything.

"I don't know. I don't even know what I am anymore." - I whispered. She sat down by me at the hallway. - "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She looked at me confused.  - "There is a lot of things that I couldn't tell you because of your own safety. But I am not really sure which secret do you mean exactly..."

"I mean everything." - I smirked bitterly. - "That we are half-bloods, that our father was still there, searching for us, that you knew a place where we could live better than we did in Santa Fe, and that I had a guardian angel that was just about a half day drive away from me."

"So you already figured out about Rider, huh?" - She seemed distant. - "Did he tell you why he had to leave?"

"What do you mean 'he had to leave'"

"Rider is not a guardian anymore. He had fallen from the heavens, banished from hell, cursed to be an immortal on the earth among humans. He didn't do much to deserve such a pain... he just loved. Damn, he wasn't even old enough to know what love was... but he got the punishment anyway. He was actually banned from seeing you as well, but God had given us free will, and by tearing off his wings, he became a Fallen One, with no less freedom than any of us. I knew him at the time, he often wandered around our house, never daring to come closer... then, eventually, he came a fewer times, fewer by each week, until he disappeared for good. I was worried about him, since his back was still bleeding, but I guess he found his way to a better place. I know because a letter came from him one day that he was here, and that one day he hopes that you will understand why this had to happen and you forgive his foolish actions." - She sighed, - "I couldn't tell him that you don't even remember him... I couldn't bring myself to shatter that boy's belief... he was so vulnerable."

"Why can't angels love? I mean dad was an angel." - I asked.

"Dad is an angel. He got his own punishment for his love as well as Rider did. But that is a whole another level, since he is a noble, while Rider is just a guardian." - Iris took a deep breath. - "Rider is just out of that league, however, I think it would've been worse if they sent someone to execute you as his punishment..."

"Why would they execute me? He doesn't care! You should've seen his face... he was so distant." 

"You were the object of his love, and they always take away what you love to most to make you obedient... but they have so many guardians, one less wouldn't matter to them, so they just tore off his wings instead." - She sighed. A flash of glowingly white wings fluttered across my memory. 

"So I caused this to happen to him?" - I asked, feeling my body tremble as my guilt spread across my body like deathly venom. I just wanted to go after Rider and apologize.  He indeed made an awful mistake loving me. I am a deathly curse to everyone who loves me... mom, my dad... and such a burden to others, like my sister. Plus, it was understandable now that he was so cold towards me. He must hate me now... that would explain why he was predicting my death.. maybe I would better off be dead, because then I couldn't cause any more trouble.

I gripped the necklace even tighter, it was cutting my palm. I couldn't hold back, and I began to cry. Quietly, but the tears flowed like the Columbia River after six moths of rain. 

I felt Iris' warm arms wrap around me, and I melted into her hug, leaning against her thin shoulders. 

"I am so sorry..." - I cried. She stroked my head, and I could feel our bond between us, like she was trying to calm me by sending calm feelings across that bond. I gratefully accepted her warmth, waiting for my tears to dry up.