Well here is what I did: Freaked out.
I sat in my room, a huge piece of paper laid out on the floor front of me, pencil in my hand - ready to draw. I always did this when I was overly stressed about something. But this time, I just couldn't get into the zone. I was trying really hard to think of something to fill the paper with, which was a bad sign.... it should have hit me by now, because like this I am just suffering a lack of inspiration, and it will never come together. I know that.
So I just sat there, nervously biting my nails and hitting the ground rhythmically whit my knee as I sat in a criss-cross. My mind wandered off to the room above me on the other side of the house. To the boy who I should know... after all, he was my guardian angel. At least, he used to be... I admit that deep down I wished that I knew more about this world, that I could be part of it...
Two weeks have passed since I talked to Rider, and I am not happy to say this, but I had several visions about his past... and I saw more than I would've preferred to see...
And here, I am not just talking about how I felt his pain when the Enforcement came for him, and tore off his beautiful, white wings.
I am rather meaning the unnecessary memories of sexual courses he had. I hated them. Not really because I was jealous, but rather because they weren't my business at all. And after those memories, my face was burning hot red every time I passed him in the hall. All I could do is hope that he didn't notice it.
My mind trailed off to Rider again... Great... I have to find a way to make these memory thingies stop!
I threw my pencil and eraser on the ground, and got up.
I need Remiel.
With that, I left my room, and ran up the stairs, just to run into Rider. Literally. I. Ran. Right. Into. Him.
"Oh, I am so sorry." - I looked up into his blue eyes, and for a second we just stared at each other. I felt my heart skip a beat when he reached out, and touched my chin with his thumb.
"You got graphite on your face." - He pointed out. Shit. What was I hoping for? That he'd kiss me? Yeah, like that's going to happen! He said himself. Boys like him want nothing from girls like me.
"Oh..." - I began rubbing my face with the sleeves of my sweater. He sent me a smile, but his eyes weren't smiling, like he was somewhere far away in his head. - "Thanks."
He was still staring at me, saying nothing.
"Ummm..." - I began, not knowing what to say. - "A-Are you alright..?"
He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.
"I think we need to talk." - He said finally. The blood froze in my veins in panic. Could he figure out that I have been seeing his past..? But how? I haven't told anyone!
"R-right now?" - I couldn't talk normally.
"No, right now I am pretty busy." - He checked his phone. - "How about we meet in the Green House at 7 P.M. tonight?" - He asked.
The Green House was beautiful at night. I looked away quickly feeling my cheeks blush. - "Sure." - I said, and hurried off. I felt his gaze on me fore as long as I turned around the corner, and ran down the stairs. I changed my mind about telling this to Remiel. I'll tell him later. My first job is to tell Rider. He should know.
If he'd have visions about my past, I'd like to know as well. He deserves the truth.
I went back to my room, and changed out of yoga pants and the big sweater into jeans and a normal top that I'd wear on the streets as well.
I had a half hour until 7, and I felt my heart beat faster with every passing minute. I swear if I don't get a stroke 'till we meet in the garden, I will probably die in mortification: I have to tell him everything. I have to tell him everything I've seen so far.
That thought caused a chill run down my spine. Brrr.
He'll kill me.
Either way, I am gonna die today. Holy crap.
I looked into the mirror, and put corrector on my face, and some waterproof mascara along with just a light layer of my fave lip balm.
While doing that, I had to remind myself repetitively that this is not a date. It wasn't. And, what's the most important, even though I kind of felt like I know Rider, I didn't. I saw his memory and I heard his thoughts, but we actually do not know each other at all. These Visions just fooled my heart, and now I feel like I am attracted to this arrogant asshole. He is actually pretty hot, but that's only his body. I imagined that the ideal guy for me is kind, caring, and... i don't know.. maybe intellectual.
However, my heart repeated every time that but he is intellectual, and funny, and c'mon, he is so hot that people should call the fire department.
I took a deep breath when I was satisfied with my looks.
Before I left the room, I made a last minute check, and suddenly, sadness took over my heart. My head spun, and I was back in the past in one of Rider's memories again.
I swore to myself that I will let Spirit go, and live her life as she pleases... I made sure she was safe, after all, that used to be my job. I left my feather with her, which made sure that she was undetectable for everyone, who tried to use magic spells to find her. I also set up several spells around her house, and even on her body to keep demons and other harmful creatures away from her.
I cared. I really did.
But so many years have passed... and now, 7 years later she is here again, standing in the hallway. I thought I'd never see her again. How can I let someone so regardless of the world around her come here, and just wander among monsters like myself?
The vow I had made that day when I left Santa Fe, and her for good, matter nothing anymore.
Whatever the reason might be behind my actions - it seems that I could never be actually sure of my feelings when it comes to this half-blood girl... - I must look after her.
Her voice echoed in my mind. "You fell for me once, there is no proof you wouldn't do it twice."
I doubted that it would happen. And I felt that she didn't mean it either. Neither of us thought of that as an actual possibility.
Up until now, the idea would even make me laugh. Now it made me think.
She meant falling as I became a fallen because she messed up my emotional side. But... somehow, I felt like the guardian-client bond between us was still alive.
I went to Morgen, like I did every day after he finished training her.
"So, how did she do?" - I asked.
"Pretty good. She is improving at speed... surprisingly quickly." - I nodded at his response. - "Hey, I have to ask you a question, Rider." - Morgen's voice was serious.
"If you care for this girl so much, why did you make me request her training from you?" - He spread his arms out wide. - "I have no interest in this Nephilim. Even though she is improving way quicker than any newling I have trained so far, she is just another Nephilim to me."
"I cannot train her." - I said, shaking my head. - "According to the laws of the guardians, I shouldn't be even close to Spirit. I am supposed to stay s far away from her as I can."
"So what if you don't obey that law? I can tell that you want something from this girl... and not the usual one-night adventure." - Morgen rolled his eyes. I took a deep breath.
"You are wrong. I am just concerned about her safety." - I said. - "She used to be my responsibility after all..."
"Oh, please. Don't try to make me believe that you don't wanna play some hide-n-seek between the sheets with her!" - Morgen grinned at me with shining eyes. - "Man, even I would...."
"Yeah, well, don't do that.." - I mumbled. Morgen laughed, and I for some reason, it annoyed me. I wanted to punch him, and make him apologize for what he said. I wanted him to take back everything that left his lips in the past 10 minutes.
"Of course I won't. She is a half-blood. That's not really my type, and she is too bubbly for my taste." - He said while he scrubbed his head with a towel.
"Since when does personality makes any difference at one night stands?" - I asked back. Morgen dropped the towel on the bench, and pulled a clean t-shirt over his head.
He sighed, and fastened his belt.
"Look man, she isn't the kind of girl you could simply fuck, and then go on, like nothing happened." - he began. - "I haven't talked to her that much, but one thing that caught my attention is that she moves swiftly, like a bird, and she is innocent. In every way. She is pure as virgin snow, and trust me, her kind isn't the type you can fuck around with as you like." - Morgen opened his arms wide. - "I have to admit that I like her kind way better than all those hellish whores who have been stopping by lately."
I knew that. I knew that Spirit was not like some of the others had been around us.
"I am telling you, she is one hell of a woman. Someone just has to teach her how to be one." - He looked at me, and smirked. We had been friends ever since I moved in... mostly because we were greatly alike. He pushed me a little in a friendly way. - "And you seem to be liking this rare birdie"
"It's nor amiable, nor safe to say so." - I insisted, and left his room. - "Please do not accuse me with such ridiculous things. I am a Fallen after all, not just some half-blood."
"Yeah right." - he yelled after me.
I was back in my own body, an my head ached. I was kneeling n the ground, and front of me on the paper that I have left on the ground that morning was covered with lines and shapes. They were not making sense... nor my thoughts. What the hell was that about?! He.. could he be...
I looked at the clock, and it was already 7:30 P.M. He is going to kill me, I am so late!!
As I looked around, the sun had already began to set. I pulled my legs under myself, and sprinted out of the room, down the halls, right out of the house.
I went around the stable, and passed the small garden to get to the entrance of the Greenhouse. A question passed through my head: how the holy hell am I gonna find Rider?... I mean if he is still here...
If I were him, I would've left after a couple minutes.
I walked down the main path, passing beautiful flowers, and a small spring. This little place was like as if a piece of the jungle was transported into this glass cage. I could only hope that the insects and snakes weren't present here as well.
I stopped to look at a huge white flower, a voice called out.
"Took ya long enough." - The voice was rich as molten black chocolate, and I immediately spun around to face a pair of aquamarine eyes. His golden hair floated around him like a halo, and his face was just straight up beautiful.
"I-I'm sorry." - I said, and as fast as I could, I looked away.
"Could it be because.... let's say you were... unconscious?" - He asked. He wasn't just accusing me, he stated facts. He knew. I swallowed, and took a peak up at him.
"I wasn't exactly unconscious, for the record." - I murmured. He rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms front of his chest.
"Yeah. And just when did you plan to tell me that you are taking sneak peaks of my past?!" - His voice was cold, but still had the same husky, deep tone. I wonder if he smokes... that would explain it.
"I am sorry... but how did you figure it out?" - I asked.
"I had some weird dreams lately, so I went to Remiel, who went over my system, looking for spells, or something that might cause them. I was actually dreaming that I was you, back then when you were a kid... So, after Remiel couldn't find anything, he asked me, if I had spent time with you lately." - He turned his hands over, and the spot, where his power flew into me through his palms was marked with a slightly lighter tone of skin, like scar tissue... - "You marked me."
"I didn't do it on purpose." - I said, and raised my hands front of me. I could tell that he was getting more and more angry about the whole thing. - "I swear to you, I didn't know what I did, or what I didn't do... It just sort of happened.."
"Yeah, well, I tried to ignore it, thinking that since you are not really experienced in this, it will fade eventually. Yeah it bugged me that you can see into my past, but I was okay with keeping my mouth shut for a little while, if that would make the mark disappear." - He sighed. - "But it just got stronger, and I began to have visions during the time when I was conscious, not just in my dreams. I couldn't control it."
"It isn't really my doing, you know. It's like your memories have their own will. I can't control them either." - I said. He opened his arms wide.
"Then who's doing is it? Because all I did was follow what you asked me, and look what happened. Now we are bound, and thank God you don't know how to undo it." - His tone was dripping with sarcasm.
"I am sorry that I was dragged out from this part of the world before I could learn how to use my powers!" - I yelled back. - "I am sorry that I wasn't trained to be part of your world since birth! I am sorry that I am not in charge of my powers! I am sorry that I am not as talented as Adriel!" - The mention of his ex-lover's name made him twitch. I crossed my arms, and felt a sudden pain ran through me.
I have spent so much time in his memories that I felt like I knew him, but the realization that I was far from that struck me like lightning. He was still so far from me.
"You know nothing about Adriel." - He hissed at me. Hatred, hurt, all that was present between us at the moment. I felt like he just turned a switch in me.
"Don't I?" - I didn't even look at him.
"Do you?" - He asked back in the same irony, and he take a step towards me.
"I know enough to say that she was precious to you. I know enough to say it confidently that you will sooner die by choice than care about anyone again." - My heart sank as the words left my lips. I said too much again.
"What if I do care?" - He asked back, and his expression softened for a second. I rolled my eyes.
"Hah, sure." - I felt tears burn my eyes.
"What if that someone happens to be you?" - He asked. He was making fun of me again... I could tell. The first teardrops rolled down on my cheeks.
"Why do you hate me so much?" - I cried.
"Tell me, why do you think I hate you?" - A mocking light glittered in his eyes, and seeing that, anger spread through my body.
"You know what?! It is not amiable, nor safe to say so!!" - I yelled back the quote from him. Hearing that, his eyes widened: he clearly knew what I was referring to... that he felt superior just because he was a Fallen, a full-blood, while I was just a half-blood. Referring to how low-rank, and useless he thought I was.
I turned around, and hurried out. Maybe I was hoping that he would come after me, I really don't know...
The doors of the Greenhouse closed quietly behind me. Tears burned my throat. What a jerk! He only called me here to tell me how useless I was!!! As if I don't know that already... It was him who was clueless.
How could he not see that I was trying to make him like me? I know I sound pathetic, but all I wanted from him was to say something nice... only some kind words... to comfort me that I will get better at this, that I will eventually master it, and then I will do great.
But that was only a dream. He would never waste such nice words on a person like me. I should've known it from the very beginning, but I was so naive... I hoped that I would be the one who gets him out of his depressed state he was in after Adriel left him, but clearly, he hated my guts, and now, it was the same for me. There was no way I want to get involved with him ever again. He might have a beautiful face, and a perfect body, but his soul is rotten. He is like Snow White's apple, which was beautiful on the inside, but poisonous on the inside.
I passed by the stable, and hurried up to the mansion doors. Anger and tears pumped in my veins, I was raging, but at the same time I just wanted to cry. I knew that I did something I shouldn't have, that I had no idea how to stop it, and I know I didn't do anything to stop it either...
But now I was standing at Remiel's room, while trying to wipe off my tears, but all I did was smearing my mascara all over the place. Well done...
I knocked, and the door immediately opened.
"Remiel... please.." - I looked up, and realized that he wasn't alone. A guy with brow hair and greenish-blue eyes stared back at me. The edge of his lips twitched a little in surprise, but other than that, he was just standing there like a statue. - "Oh, I'll just come back later."
"No, please." - The guy called after me. His voice was somehow familiar.... maybe he was working at some radio station, maybe had a YouTube channel... I don't know... but it bugged me that I knew this voice but couldn't quite put my finger on it. I turned towards him, and began to examine his face a little more, hoping that I would eventually recognize who the heck he was.
"Spirit, this is a friend of mine." - Remiel said, but didn't move an inch from his desk. It kind of annoyed me... because it seemed as if he was enjoying the scene.
"My name is Spirit Meadows." - I said.
"Princeps." - Remiel corrected me. I shot him an accusing look. I was no Princeps, and I didn't really feel the need of using a name I didn't feel mine.
"Oh." - The guy's eyes widened... and not just that, he went pale, and his breathing quickened. - "You are her? No, that can't be."
"It sure can. I am standing front of you." - I began to feel very uncomfortable. The door suddenly shut behind me. I was pretty sure it was Remiel's doing, but I still had a mini heart attack. The guy walked towards me, and for my greatest surprise, he suddenly hugged me tight.
He smelled like snow, and crisp morning sun. Clearly, he was not from Los Angeles. - "E-excuse me...?"
"Oh!" - He backed off quickly. - "Excuse my actions... I was just... missing you." - I just stared at him with great confusion.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" - That was all I could say, but I wanted to take it back, since it was so informal.... and by the clothes of this man, he was some rich guy.... even though he had a gear on, he moved swiftly, like a predator. It reminded me too much of Rider.
"My name is Cassiel Princeps." - The name struck me like an arrow. It was my turn to go pale in shock.
"Holy fuck."
"Something like that." - He agreed.
"You are Cassiel?!" - I couldn't believe my eyes... but now that he mentioned it, we had bit similar nose and the shape of our eyes were matching as well. I smiled at him shyly - "Well, nice to meet you, I guess."
"Yeah." - He smiled back at me warmly, and I couldn't hold back. I have imagined this moment so many times, when we would meet, and I would accuse him of leaving us, tell him that I hated how I hated that he was raised by dad, and how dad just left us to grow up on our own... but at this moment, all I felt was happiness, and warmth. I reached my hands towards him, and hugged him as tight as I could.
I buried my head in the gap between his shoulder and neck, and breathed in his foreign scent, making a memory-note to self of how strangely it smelt like. But somehow it was a good scent.
I found myself sobbing, and he began to pet my head. - "You are here!" - I sobbed in happiness.
"Yes." - He whispered. - "I sent a friend of mine not so long ago to check out that you were the real Spirit, but he said that he couldn't tell from a picture like I gave him..."
"That was a baby picture" - I laughed.
"Yes, but that was all I had."
"You were searching for us?" - I asked.
"You bet... I have gone through every bush, I searched under every rock." - He tightened his arms around me. - "And I finally found you."
I laughed and cried at the same time. That's when Ride burst into the room, and began to yell at Remiel, not even noticing Cassiel and me. I tried to hide in his arms to avoid the aquamarine eyes of Rider.
"You didn't talk to her! You told me that you are on it, that you would block her powers! But you did nothing!" - He yelled. - "Rem, Spirit is dangerous!"
I felt my heart ache as I heard his words.
"I can't see how memory sharing is dangerous, Raguel. Calm down." - Remiel called Rider by his angel name, and that seemed to make him even more mad than he was when he stormed in.
"You are trembling.." - Cassiel noted quietly to me. But that was enough to make Rider spun around his axis, and stare at us. He rolled his eyes - God knows why - and turned back to Remiel.
"I am asking you one more time: Do something about this!" - He slammed his hands against the tabletop. I twitched at the sudden noise. Cassiel let go of me, and grabbed Rider by the collar in a blink of an eye... damn he was fast.
"You got a problem with my sister?!" - Cassiel voice said You better say no. So that's what having a big brother like..? To have someone, who sticks up for you? Because then, I am glad I have two of them. That thought made me feel a little better, but I still felt insecure that thanks to my inexperience in this part of the world, I was unable to control my powers... but the question ran through my head: why the hell didn't I feel anything like this before? Why didn't my powers reach into people around me before? Why haven't I marked anyone along the way?
"Your sister?" - Rider asked back with pity in his voice. Oh, how I hated this whole thing. - "Oh, excuse me, but I don't remember you standing up for her like this when she was surrounded by demons, nor when her life was in danger. Where were you then? Because I know I was there."
Cassiel took a deep breath, and punched Rider. For a second, I was just standing there, shocked. Then the message finally got to my head, and I jumped between them.
"Stop! For Christ's sake, you guys are so immature!" - I yelled. I turned to Rider, who glared at me like a blood-thirsty beast. His lips were bleeding, and his blue eyes sparkled with desire for revenge. - "Okay, first: you know exactly why Cassiel wasn't by my side, and secondly: you totally deserved that punch! Jerk." - It was Cassiel's turn. - "Look, I am new at this I-have-a-big-brother thing, but I am not accusing you of leaving me behind because you wanted to... it wasn't anything to do with you, and I know and understand that. Don't let Rider piss you off."
"Looks like she is the diplomat type..." - Remiel smiled, still sitting behind his desk. I let out a deep breath, and looked back at Rider.
"I am so sorry about this marking thing. I will figure out how can I break the bond, and it will be over soon." - I said, and decided that I cannot take any more of these people while they are in the same room. - "Cass, do you want a tour around the house, or see if Iris got back from the patrol yet?"
"Sure." - He nodded.
We left the room, and I was almost relieved, but just before the door could close, Remiel called out.
"Spirit, come back for a moment." - I sighed, and turned around. I told Cassiel to stay outside, and went back to the office.
No comments:
Post a Comment