Just Feels Wrong

The dark sky above me was sprinkled with bright stars, and the sound of sizzling leaves filled the air as the cold wind raced through the forest. The air was cold, and it pierced through my sweater deep down to my bones. The wolf was jogging by Haniel, sometimes stopping to sniff the trees or sniff into the air. It was hard to keep up with them, if we consider that while Haniel was almost two meters tall, I barely reached 1,7 meters, plus my legs weren't as muscular as his were.

The ground was covered with leaves, and it hided the sneaky little roots of trees, and I almost tripped several times before the lights of the castle became visible. As I looked at it, it felt strange to think that I was living in this place from now on... this wasn't me at all.

I know I have wished for a stable place, where I could always return, but I imagined a small house by the lake, with people I love and trust, not a castle full of people I never saw before. It was not like I knew how to react towards them, but my first instinct towards them was defensiveness. And I hated it... I just wanted to sleep through the whole night without having to wake up, because I heard noises... probably the fear rooted down to the torture I went through.

I tried to make as little noise as possible, but then there was the fact that I was as graceful as an elephant. One time I even dropped all of the books I had swooped up from the library just to keep my balance. Haniel turned around, and picked them up for me. When I reached my hands for the books, he refused to give them to me, saying that I will be faster, if I only have to concentrate on my own balance.
I needed training again. That was for sure. I was out of shape, and that was dangerous.

We crossed the gates, and when the front door of the castle opened, warmth radiated from the inside. It was welcoming after the crisp cold of the forest. Haniel gave me back my books, and left somewhere.
Everyone in the hallways were staring at me: I could see the judging in their inhuman eyes. They weren't looking at me, like I was someone they feared, or looked up to. I was a stranger, a freak. These people were exactly the opposite of what Haniel had told me.
I gripped my books tightly, and tried to avoid their eyes as much as possible.

"Spirit!" - I herd my brother's voice. Ariel came running towards me, and closed his arms around me tightly. - "Oh, thank goodness, I thought something had happened to you!" - He was clearly upset. I still wasn't used to being surrounded by my brothers, who were probably the most caring people on this planet.

"No, no... I just went to fetch some books.." - I murmured. I was still self conscious about the people around us. They were whispering, and pointing at us.

"Please, tell me where you're going next time. Maybe I can help you... and then we won't freak out."

"We?" - I didn't understand at first, but then Cassiel appeared behind Ariel, and basically squished me in his arms.

"I was so worried!" - He whispered. I pushed him away and took a step back. I was thankful o have my brothers back, but I also had enough a little bit.

"Guys, stop. I can take care of myself." - I hurried away. At the hallway, where the door opened that lead down to the dungeons, where Joel was, I took a second to think, but then I realized that I was way too tired to do anything that could possibly help him, so I just ran up the stairs to my own room. I shut the door closed, and dropped the pile of books on my bed.

I peeled off the bloody sweater, and the skinny jeans, then every other piece of clothing, and showered in the steaming, hot water. I didn't notice how cold I was until the water touched my skin. It felt like molten lava, while I perfectly knew that it was the temperature I usually shower in.
I washed my hair, and as i rubbed in the shampoo, pink foam began to come from the side of my face; the blood that was smeared on my neck must have gotten into my hair as well.
When I was all clean, I put on a loose, grey t-shit and light blue sweatpants.

I know I acted a little unfair towards Ariel and Cassiel, but they do not know how I feel when others are watching me with judging eyes, thinking that I was a mad girl with nightmares, and a highborn father... and then they just come, and prove them right because they act like I was self-destructive, and unstable.
They didn't know how it felt to be pitied by strangers...

I was laying on the couch, when someone knocked on the door. I sat up, and walked to the door. When I was just about three feet away, they swiftly opened, and Morgen stepped into my room.

"Are you insane?" - He grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

"I don't know what you mean, but you are certainly not the only one thinking of it." - I murmured.

"Those woods, that library... that isn't part of Skydown anymore. It is filled with demons - bad demons - and you didn't have any weapon with you!!"

"Okay, first of all I had a dagger." - I began, but Morgen immediately cut me off.

"Yeah like that's gonna save you if a herd of demons attacked you!" - He threw his hands in the air. Since he released me from his firm grip, I kicked the door shut.

"Secondly," - I continued without bothering about hos commentary. - "I didn't know those woods weren't part of Skydown. It wasn't my idea to go there."

"Who sent you there?" - He asked, and grabbed my shoulders again.

"Chill out, Morgen. She is a friend of mine, and she came with me." - I said.

"Who is it?" - His voice was frightening.

"It was Onyx. A girl I met in the postaquam."

"Lilith's daughter..." - Morgen was raging. He pushed me away, and I fell on the bed. He punched the wall so hard that some paint from the ceiling began to fall, like snowflakes. - "I should have known! Who else would bring you out there?!"
I stood up, and now I was angry as well.

"She isn't like Lilith!" - I shouted.

"You know nothing about her!" - He shouted back. - "You know nothing about her, nor her mother. You have no idea about how the law works here, nor about what it means to be the daughter of a Princeps. You don't have the slightest clue about the things some of these people could do to you!

This isn't the human world, and you have to realize that. Morals don't mean shit, and if your existence is a bother to anybody, your life is in danger. Murder, rape, torture, kidnapping, and all that humans afraid of is an every day matter here. How long will it take you to come to your senses? You try to play all tough, scaring the shit out of a superior angel, and shit, but when it comes down to the real danger, you are nothing, but demon bait." - Morgen walked up and down, gesturing with his hands wildly.

I should have been relieved that at least one person saw my true self after all, not some fearless princess, who will burn up the world, and everyone in it.
Surely, there were the people, who thought I was mad, and they mourned my sanity, but surely, they still feared me. Not Morgen. He knew perfectly, that anyone could kick my ass easily.
But it still made me sad...

"They took my sister, and I know what they did to her." - I said in a low voice. - "They killed my mother, and tore my family apart. They killed Rider... They took many people away from me, and I only managed to save one, who still suffers." - My shoulders shook. I felt like darkness crawled to the surface as I stared at the floor. It dug its razor sharp claws into the hole, where my heart used to be, and began to widen the wound. - "You are right, I don't know much about this world, or the people in it... but I am forced to be part of it. So what do you suggest I do?" - I looked up at him, tears filled my eyes.

He came up to me, and cupped my face in his rough hands. They reminded me of Rider, and that scared me. Morgen and Rider used to hang out a lot together... they even used the same cologne, and they were partners when they lived in the LA institute. Their eyes sparkled with the same flares when they were angry, however the color of their eyes weren't exactly the same: Morgen's eyes were like the summer sky at noon, not aquamarine, like Rider's.

"This is a cruel world. They will take everything you ever loved." - He whispered. My heart was beating faster... my body reacted instead of my mind, and my arms reached up without me being able to stop myself. I pulled him closer, and kissed him. Our lips collided, and the feeling of his soft lips on mine almost felt like I was kissing the man I really wanted to be with me at the moment.
It was a harsh action from me. Deep down, I knew that no matter how similar they might be, Morgen will never be Rider.

I think Morgen felt that I didn't really mean that kiss, and perhaps he didn't even want me to kiss him, because even though he didn't push me off, he didn't pull me closer, nor returned the kiss. Just stood there, and let me kiss him.

I backed away, and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold the mental wound together, that gripped my throat tightly with tears and the urge to cry.

"I will never be him. We both know that." - Morgen said in a low voice, like he read my mind. - "So save us the trouble, and never do this again."

"I am sorry... It's just..." - I sighed.

"Spirit, I know it hurts, but I am not Rider. So please, don't kiss me, or do anything like that as long as you search for him in me. I don't wanna be a poor replacement." - He shook his head. A teardrop rolled down on my cheek, but I quickly wiped it of.
Morgen came up to me, and hugged me tightly. - "Hey..."

"I am really sorry..." - I sniffed.

"You are stupid, and I am used to that." - He smirked. - "A really dumb, naive, stubborn, miss know-it-all..."

"Can we just forget that it ever happened?" - I asked with a half smile on my face. He laughed silently. If he weren't hugging me, I couldn't even tell, that he was.

"Well, it is easier said than done." - He said. - "But I think that it's the best for both of us."

I climbed into bed, and Morgen tucked me in. He sat at the edge of the bed, and told me that he will be my bodyguard from now on, and that he will make sure that someone was around me 24/7 from now on, because it was clear that I can't take care of myself properly.
It was useless to complain, because we both know that there was truth behind it all.

I didn't notice how tired I was, until the dream world sucked me in suddenly. I think Morgen was talking to me still, but his voice just faded, until silence wrapped around me, like a thick blanket.

That night, I dreamed of sky-blue eyes turning into aquamarine, and golden light with bright, white feathers flying in the wind. It was peaceful, and the only sound to be heard was the flap of wings.
I woke not long after sunrise, and Morgen was still in the room, but he was on the phone. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and he had PJ pants on. He sat on the couch, and blankets and pillows surrounded him.

"No, I am not telling her shit, and you perfectly know why." - He said angrily, but in a low voice. - "I know that you can't come here, but it's you she needs, not me.... obviously, I wanna tell her, but i am not going to... if she would know, she'd drop everything on the spot, and ran after you... we both know that's not a good idea.... yeah... I know... screw you, I am not a messenger; come here, and... yes... can you just listen for a sec?... look, I know it sounds suicidal, but Michael is dead, and maybe there is still a chance that they would capture you, but it's very unlikely... no, the gossips are wrong, she killed no one... Sephiel isn't that mean... okay, but come as quick as you can. I'll fix up a meeting as soon as I can... preferably in secret, gotcha. I'll see what i can do.
You owe me great time. Just in case you wondered, Spirit kissed me... no, I refused her, for the same reason you are not coming out from your little hideout: I am trying to protect her." - I sat up, and he hung up immediately.

"Who was that?" - I asked.

"Oh, just a friend of mine." - He cleared his throat, and threw his phone on top of the sheets, and clutched his slim fingers together.

"What was his name?" - The way he said he refused me to protect her made me wonder about the identity of this person. Obviously, he knew who I was, so I became curious about who he was.

"....Bob." - He said after a short pause.

"Bob?" - I asked with plain disbelief in my voice.

"That's right." - His ears turned slightly pink.

"O-kayyy..."

"I have to go to the bathroom." - He quickly disappeared behind the bathroom door. Of course I took advantage of the situation, and swiftly sneaked to the couch, and fished out his phone from the pile of sheets.

I opened the call history, and when I saw the name, my heart basically stopped beating. It was written there, black and white... the date under it proved that it was truly the last call he had made.
But it could't be possible...
I gasped for air and dropped the phone back onto the sheets. The name was there...

Rider Vower

People Always have a Choice

Anouck

Anouck stood there staring at Onyx with his eyebrows pulled together, and he knew that what he was about to say won't please her. He gave it a second thought about the whole thing, considering telling a white lie, but he threw the idea away as he looked at her face. 

He had known much more about Melchiorre than he cared for. They had been mates for a while in Hell-Blossom, they trained together, and they told each other some things of the past.

One think he knew for sure: Melchiorre didn't love Onyx one bit. Never. He wanted to use her to claim a title. 

But what he couldn't predict was the reaction of the Fairy King. He thought that the King wouldn't care, but he did. It was Melchiorre, who leaked the information about the two of them. 

But Anouck decided to skip that part.

The truth was that when Melchiorre arrived at Hell-Blossom, his beauty mesmerized one of the female members of the Depth-Consilium, and she took him as a lover. Of course, he took the offer, again, using his looks to get out from the situation. 

Anouck started to get enough of Melchiorre by then, and he was angry with him for being such a lip-deep person. Also, he had heard that the bastard princess, Onyx had escaped from the Fairy Kingdom to find Melchiorre, and ended up in the Dungeons of Hell-Blossom. Anouck was a respected person in the palace as a warrior, so he was allowed to walk around freely. Back then, he didn't really mind that he was kept as a captive on paper, he was still free in his own way, and he was famous, and beloved by most people, who watched the postaquams. He went down to the dungeons to see who this princess was. Since Anouck came from the Marinis (Ocean Kingdom) he didn't know much about fairies. 

When he got to Onyx's cell, he saw a broken girl. No more than a little girl, covered with scars, old and new... He thought that it cannot be a princess. But then, when she looked up at him, he could see that there was a great amount of hope behind her bright eyes. 

She asked him if he knew Melchiorre. He said no, without thinking for a second. 

That was a part that Anouck didn't want to share with the girl either. 

Two days later, the attendants of the next postaquam were announced. It was him and Melchiorre. Anouck was praying for this moment to come. He knew that the Depth-Consilium member, who was the sweetheart of Melchiorre would be raging if Melchiorre would die, but there was no way he could let him walk out of the Arena alive. 

He had seen enough of the things Melchiorre had done. He had seen that he managed to keep up the hopes of a naive girl, while he tried to beguile a consilium member to give him his freedom. He was a disgusting creation of life. It made Anouck sick. Their friendship meant nothing by then. 

So when the doors opened, he didn't think twice, and killed the boy on the spot. Just then, he realized that there was a podium set up, with the scarred little princess all tied up. She was sobbing, and tried to struggle herself free. 

When he looked at her, he had seen the hope dying in her eyes, and realized that it wasn't Melchiorre, who truly hurt her at the end. Anouck wanted to protect her from the monster, who had trapped her heart.

Why, he couldn't tell.

However, that wasn't something Anouck could fully explain to Onyx either.

After that postaquam, Anouck was thrown into the Dungeons, and eventually the consilium decided that he shall be a slave in Hell-Blossom, but what's worse, the woman, who had been spending some night with Melchiorre told him that since he had killed her concubine, he should take his place. Also, she began calling him by Melchiorre. 

Anouck didn't look like the Fairy at all, so he couldn't understand. 

But eventually every noble called him by the dead fairy's name, which irritated him more than he could express.

There were all these things he wanted to tell Onyx, but at the same time, he knew that the girl wouldn't understand. 

"Yes, I killed Melchiorre." - He said, as a matter of fact. 

"You took his name." - She said, like she knew everything, which, she clearly didn't. It pained Anouck that he has to be the one, who shares the truth about Melchiorre. But what else could he do? 

"Wasn't my doing. It was a name that I was given, which I hated." - Anouck confessed. Onyx looked at him with searching eyes. - "You have been a postaquam attendant yourself, you know how it goes: we are told, and there is no arguing about the decision: it's final."

"Why are you even here? You must have known that I wanted to kill you, so why?" - Anouck bit his lip. He didn't know how to express it.

"I've seen you fighting."

"So?" - Onyx started to loose her patience, and Anouck felt that he was running out of time.

"I have seen you fighting, and I just..." - he couldn't explain the way he felt.

"You just what? Thought I was pretty? Figured out that I was a princess? Thought I would forgive you, and then we would live happily ever after?" - The mock in her voice was bitter and sharp.

"No, of course not." - Anouck took a deep breath, because he knew that unless he tells her the truth, Onyx would always hate him. - "I knew Melchiorre more than you would imagine. He told me all sorts of things about you... for example that you were naive, and that you would do anything he says... I didn't listen to him, thinking that a half fairy, half full-fledged would never act that innocent. Melchiorre was a lover of a noble woman in Hell-Blossom, but he used her, hoping that she would set him free. He told me it almost worked with you, that if he could just get you bear his child, he would have gotten a title. I disliked his ways, to be honest. I never thought that you had no idea.
Then, I saw you in the dungeons, and immediately you asked me about him. You hoped that he would come, and you thought he really loved you. You looked so innocent, and with your scars all over your body, I felt like you were just a poor girl, not the princess. But you were that princess, even with the scars, and the false hopes. That's when I grow to hate Melchiorre. I am not the most honorable man in this world, I have done some pretty bad things myself... but what he did disgusted me.
I killed him, because I felt like if I do, I serve justice to everyone he had used. Then, when I looked at you, I saw pain, not relief. I wanted to save you from the whole thing... there weren't that much other options for me to do so, at least not that I knew of."

"Shut up." - Onyx whispered. Tears were rolling down on her cheeks, and she was shaking. She wiped off the tears, but she was pale.

"I didn't meant to hurt you. And it wasn't my choice to take his name, it wasn't my choice to take his place as a concubine at that demonic woman... Killing him ruined my life, but I didn't regret it. Because if I wouldn't have killed him, he would have ruined many more lives, than just mine." - Anouck grew angry at the memory.

"Just shut the fuck up!" - Onyx screamed. - "You didn't know Melchiorre like I did. He wouldn't do that..." - While she spoke, she was shaking even more. It was visible that even though she said it now, she believed Anouck, and knew that he was telling the truth, she just didn't want to face it. She pulled the coat closer, like she was cold, but Anouck knew that she was just trying to ease the heart ache in her chest. Anouck took a step closer, but Onyx took a step back as well.
She was sobbing silently. - "Did he told you that I loved him?" - She asked in a shaky voice.

"Yes."

"Did he tell you that he only wanted the title?" - Onyx wasn't shaking anymore, but the tears were still rolling down on her cheeks.

"Yes."

"What else did he say?"

"He said many things, I can't really recall."

"Liar. You just don't want me to be hurt even more." - Onyx wiped off her tears, and looked at Anouck with a serious expression. - "I know that you saw me as a little girl then, but you also saw me fighting. You know I am not weak. I wanna know the truth."

Spirit

Haniel stood there, dumbfound. I looked at him with tears rolling down on my cheeks.

"I am not the person people think I am." - My voice was shaking, but I tried to get myself together. I couldn't look so weak; after all, I was still the Nephilim Princess.

"You lied to every one of us." - Haniel looked betrayed.

"I have never said I knew what I knew what I was doing!" - I couldn't believe he accused me of lying. That was so absurd. - "I spent a long time in the dungeons all tied up, because I was on the edge. I was going insane, which I still feel like I am. Back then, did you think I was powerful?! No, you probably felt sorry for me. Well guess what? I still feel that way, only my sister is either became a full fledged demon, or a monster, and I can't feel her anymore. I don't know if I should be thankful for that, or collapse on the floor, screaming, because I failed her!" - The truth came out, just like that. I didn't know Haniel that much to be honest, but these things had been building up inside of me.

"I didn't feel sorry for you. We all knew that you are going through the same torture as your sister, and we hoped that you would find a way to get back to us. I didn't know what it was like, because I was still in Hell-Blossom at the time, I only heard what had happened." - The wolf jumped up on the bench beside me, and put its face on my shoulder. - "Spirit, you are not weak. Most of the people would be afraid of their own shadow if they would experience a torture like that. But you stood up just days after it had finished. You talked to people, you remembered everything, you walked around. We all saw that inside, something broke, but you took it all, like a real warrior."

"I have a goal, and if I wouldn't have one, I would be still down in the dungeons, screaming. I have to find Iris, no matter what she is like. I have the knowledge of my ancestors, and I have this library to my use, so I will find her." - I said. As soon as the words left my lips, I realized that's not all. - "And Rider too."

"Rider is dead." - Haniel said.

"Not fully. I know he is here somewhere, still." - Haniel looked at me with weird eyes. I stood up, and dropped the blanket on the bench beside the wolf. I spread my arms out wide, closed my eyes, and dropped my head back. I whispered salvo which was a release spell, and let the power out from the little cage inside me. The arms spread from my inner cores. They touched Haniel, and through that touch I could see him.
It is hard to explain how I saw Haniel, while my eyes were shut. The arms wrapped around his body, felt every inch of it, and made a picture for me based on what they felt. Of couse, I didn't see colors, just an outline.

"Applicitus." - I whispered. It was a spell that called back the power into my inner cage, where I shut it. I lowered my arms, and slowly opened my eyes. The scent of Rider's cologne filled my nose, like he was standing right beside me. But I knew that he wasn't. I looked at Haniel, who stared at me with eyes wide open. - "Just like in Joel's case, I possess a shard of the soul. In this case, not his spirit, like I did with Joel, but his power. I know it is harder that way to find the gate between body and power, than to find it between spirit and body. But I will find the way."

"You do realize that this is unnatural to possess part of people's soul." - He said.

"Honestly, I really don't know what counts natural anymore." - When I said that, a memory came to me, when Remiel said that I was part of the supernatural weirdos. I was a freak among the freaks, but that didn't matter anymore.
Something inside me made me feel like that was a good thing... that I can use it as an advantage. Haniel, Onyx, and Anouck... and many other people believed that I was powerful, and I was just too afraid of the meaning of their beliefs. But now that I think about it, my main goal should really be learning how to gain the memories I want, and shut out everything else.
But I had so little time. What if by the time I gain control, they kill Iris, or it would be too late to bring Rider back? Did I have a choice?
People always have a choice - for the first time in a long time, I heard Joel inside of my head. We communicated through thoughts for the first time about Lilith, when we couldn't say out loud the words.

Nice to hear you again. - I felt a smile come across my lips. Probably, it looked super weird to Haniel, but right now, I couldn't give a damn.

Yeah, I am not really that well... The truth is, your blood started something in my system, and the doctors and healers don't know what to do. Seems like it's always new, when it comes to you. - I could feel him smirk.

To be honest, I don't know if I can heal you. I will try to find something in my books, but I can't promise anything. - I answered through thoughts.

Fuck the books, you never used them when you were in trouble, and you always got out. For example, I heard that you almost killed Michael at the Postaquam, and you didn't need a book to know what happens if you tear yourself away from me back in Seattle. - He was right but healing was a whole another level. And for the change, I would have liked to know what I was doing.

I sighed, and gathered the books I have picked at sunset that day.

"Let's head back to the main building." - I said. The wolf jumped beside me, like it was ready to follow me. - "Maybe you're right, and I have to learn how people see me. I'll try to live up to the expectations."

I could see on Haniel's face, that he still had something to say, but I just couldn't bring myself to listen. He didn't know what it was like to be a soul whisperer. It was like being a fricking avatar, but worse.
I hugged my books tightly, as we walked in the dark. I felt uneasy by the fact that I cannot really see... maybe the tortures really did leave a mark on me.

Maddening Past

Standing in the Greenhouse, I realized that there are things I cannot control. Right now, the poepl are thinking that I know what I am doing, that I can control whatever was happening around me, however the truth was, I still had no idea what the hell I was doing, or supposed to do.
I didn't know why did they began to follow me. Anouck ran away because he saw me as the next Nephilim princess, while I didn't even know that meant. And Onyx decided that she wants to be my ally. She basically told me that she is not strong enough by herself so she wants me to help her. But again, I didn't know what she was expecting from me.

Yes, maybe I was strong enough in times to save my own life, but just think about what had happened to Rider and Joel because of my lack of knowledge.
Okay, I could bring back Joel, but could I find Rider as well? That was very unlikely.
He wasn't just half dead, like Joel. At least not that i knew of.
Of course, his power was present, braided into my own, like Joel's dragon was, but his power was present in a different way. It was like a guardian angel... one that is watching over me, and cannot come close. Oh the irony of life...

I walked around in the Greenhouse, sometimes I ripped off a lavender, and grinded the little, purple flowers between my fingers. The smell was intense. It was very surprising to see how these plants could take care of themselves while the people had already forgotten that they even exist. Trying to copy what Onyx had done, I began to pull out the grass. After an hour, I couldn't ignore the true reason of the visit in the Greenhouse. But I was afraid to keep on going alone.
I stood up, and wiped my dirty, but healthy hand in my jeans. The pentagram on my other hand was healing fast, and it didn't hurt anymore. I wished that I knew what was happening to Joel. To be honest, I was worried.
But right now, I had better things to do. For example, to find the book that would tell me what to do - if such book existed. Because to be honest, I saw that the people have this vision of me being all powerful and expect great things from me, while I have no idea how can I live up to the expectations the put before me.

I crossed the Greenhouse, and when I got to the exact middle, There was a hole in the ground. I almost fell in it, but thank god I didn't. Then probably the life I never even started living like I should would end in a second.

I went around the hole, and found a staircase leading downwards. I looked around, but there was no other way out from the Greenhouse, than this pit, and the front door, that staircase had to be the way to the library.
The moss on the rocks made the stairs slippery, so I didn't go as fast as i would have liked to, but it was enough. As I got deeper and deeper, the light began to fade away, and slowly, there was no light at all. I felt really uncomfortable, but I remembered that Nephilims and Angels both heal with green flames, so I murmured the words, and blueish-green flames burst from my fingertips. The bottom of the stairs led to a dark corridor. Just like in the LA institute, the walls were covered with murals. But while in the walls of the institute, only one kind of creature appeared on the walls, on these walls, all of the creatures mixed together in a battle.

Angels were easy to make out, because their bodies were glowing with a white light, and they looked very majestic in their armor and with the Gloria around their heads.
And I could make out some werewolves, and Nephilims in their gear similar to mine.
But then there were the creatures that looked like beasts, with dark skin, saliva dripping from their mouth... claws and fangs as they tore into the flesh of the warriors. That's how I imagined demons back in the days, but I haven't seen a demon so far that wasn't the shape of a person. They had some beast-like features, but clearly, these creatures on the mural were more animal like.
Clearly, the animal-shaped creatures fought along the werewolves, and other creatures in black capes. But then I saw what most terrified me. Above all that, a girl stood. She had a white, lacy dress on, and many jewelry. It looked like she was watching the fight from the outside, and I couldn't tell if she was the cause of the battle, or she was painted there as a sign to bring peace. The cold ran up and down my spine when I looked at her eyes, so I just hurried down the corridor instead of examining the mural any more. finally I got to a door.

"This must be it." - I whispered. Everything was dark around me, and the only light source was the healing flames from my fingertips. This is probably not how you should use the healing magic. Okay, most likely this is definitely not how you're supposed to use the healing magic.  But I don't know any spells or whatevers that produced enough light for me.
I put my hand on the doorknob and slowly turned it. The lock gave in with a loud click, and I pushed the door open. It was a challenge, really. The door was carved out of one huge piece of wood, and the clasps on the door were forged to look like branches of a tree. But when I finally struggled the door open, the view was breathtaking for many reasons.
First of all, I expected a simple library with endless rows of books.

Compared to that, the view was crazy. The library itself was two levels tall, and full of books that were older than my great grandmother.
Secondly, there were trees growing from the floor, reaching for the ceiling. I get it: people haven't used this place for ages, basically... but trees? Really?
And thirdly, there were holes on the ceiling.

Okay, I didn't expect a perfect library. I thought there would be dust and spiderwebs all over the place, but this was just too much.

However, Onyx was right in one thing: The older the library is, the better books there are to be found. So I began my quest to find the one book that would tell me what to do, or if there is anything I can do to find my sister, or to give Rider back his powers...
I was hoping that if I can give it back to him, he would wake up, just like Joel did. To be honest, I only cared for Joel's death, because he died for reasons I have caused. But now that he's alive, I don't really think about the whole thing that much... while Rider never leaves my mind. He is present in every step I take, every swing of my hands, or every breath I take. He is there, at the back of my mind, driving me insane.
Clearly, it wasn't the kind of madness that the torture had caused to Iris, but it was my kind of madness: guilt mixing with heartache. I could feel the tears burning my throat every time his face flashed before my eyes.

Trying to shut away the memories, I walked up a rusty, metal staircase to the second floor. I figured if I search from the top to bottom, it could be more productive. In theory, it was. However I didn't calculate the cast in the plan that there over 70 000 pages of information about the magic world.
The first book that caught my eye was one called Libro Vitae - The Book of Life. It was all in Latin, but the words faded and it felt like someone smeared the ink, and it slowly formed shapes, and became English. I didn't start with the prologue, but I just opened the book at the middle.

Soul isn't equal to Spirit. Spirit isn't equal to soul. Body and soul are chained together, but the spirit is free to jump between place and time. 

Philosophy was not really my thing, so I put the book right back to the shelf, but make a mental note of the fact that I could learn to jump through place and time, just for fun to see what happens.
I have gone through many books by the time the sun set and the light faded from the library. Just then, I realized that I know how to get out from the library - however I would rather skip that corridor with the battle scene - but I do not know where to go from there, and how the hell can I get back to the main building.

A wolf howled from nearby. Well, that's just great. So I am stuck in here for the night. I thought. But the wolves were the least of my troubles. The demons - the real ones, and my inner ones - could come into the library any time they please. The greenhouse was abandoned, and there were many holes on the roof.
I thought through the fact that I was stuck in a hall, full of books, or a dark corridor, a pit, a staircase, or a greenhouse. The choices weren't really appealing, to be honest. But I decided that I will grab some of the books, and go up to the greenhouse.
I knew that the fire that I was going to light wasn't the safest plan especially not in a house where the walls are made of light. It could attract many things in the forest... but I decided to trust in Skydown. The only demons inside the walls were sworn to protect this place, and they wouldn't attack me.
Of course, if there are any intruders here, I am screwed.

So at the last rays of sunlight, I grabbed some books, and decided to pull a all-nighter to read all of them. They looked very interesting to me - no philosophy, just spells, history, family trees, and stuff like a princess is supposed to know... because princesses are supposed to know the great battles, the history of archery, and the alchemy of making demon slaying weapons... right?
Okay, no.. but Those were the only ones that looked like they could keep me awake all night.
There was just one problem left: Skydown was in the mountains, and it got hella cold during the night. But as I walked back to the staircase, the light of the green healing flames lightened the corridors, and I found a small couch that I haven't noticed when I sprinted down to the end of the whole thing. On the couch, there were pillows and a blanket.
They smelled like rain and decay, but hey, they were warm at least.

I walked back up, and when I got to the top of the staircase, the view was crazy. It felt like I have walked into a whole another universe. The sky was full of stars, and the colorful plants glowed in the night in electric blue, purple, and turquoise. Even the plants I thought I knew were glowing: for example the lavenders.
I found a stone bench that had been carved out of a piece of marble. Vines and flowers were carved into the white stone, and with the years passing by, some real vines mixed with the carved ones. I put the pillow on one side and wrapped myself in the blanket, but the main idea that I will make fire, and read through the night went down the drain. There was just no way I could miss out on this night. The glowing flowers and the milky way above my head, it was more than enough for me.
I just wished there was someone, anyone, I could share this moment with. That brought Rider back to my mind, and sadness darkened my heart immediately. I missed him. More than I thought it was possible. I thought that maybe if I leave him behind, he would be safe from everything that was after me.

I didn't know much about the rules, and I didn't know that everything we had was illegal. For fact, I thought that it was okay.
When I fist saw Rider's memories, I thought Adriel was a heartless bitch to leave Rider behind like that, but I had to admit that I pretty much done the same with the exception that my actions killed him, while Adriel just broke his heart. I was way worse than her.

As I was thinking about that, I heard a noise. A small, but clear scratching noise. My heart began to race, and I pulled the dagger out from my boots. Obviously, I had no chance alone, if the intruder was trying to kill me, at least if my ancestors decide that this time I should control my actions.
From the shade, a wolf jogged towards me, but clearly without any intention to hurt me. I lowered my weapon, but didn't put it away.

"Hey little guy!" - I greeted the wolf as it came close enough. I rubbed the back of its ears. It raised its honey brown eyes on me. That made me smile. But this wolf was just too friendly. - "Do you have someone with you?" - I asked. I hoped that somehow it would give me a sign or something. Instead, a figure took a step out from the shadows. A tall figure with broad shoulders.

"Hey Spirit." - Haniel greeted me.

"Hey." - I nodded. - "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, like the rest of Skydown. When you did something to Joel, he came back. But he is very sick, you know. He needs you, but you just disappeared." - His accusations were just like I thought people looked at me. I didn't want to disappoint anybody, but I just didn't know what to do to heal Joel fully.

"Why didn't you ask Onyx about where I was? She lead me here in the first place. Or Anouck? I sent him to the main building a couple of hours ago." - I sighed. - "Look, Haniel. About what had happened to Joel... You need to understand that I could bring him back because his essence was present, and his soul was bound to his body, while his spirit was bound to me. I don't know how I did it, and I couldn't repeat it even if you tortured me."

"We all know that you are talking nonsense. You are a soul-whisperer. You can do whatever you want." - He rolled his eyes at me.

"That is what you think of me? That is what everyone is thinking?" - It hurt. People thought I was capable of doing anything, I was just too selfish or lazy to do them. - "These voices inside of my head are not really nice, you know. These things I do, the spells, the black magic..." - I was articulating wildly with my hands - "These are not me! I have no clue how to call on certain memories. If I could do anything, I would have kept my sister safe! I would have protected Joel, and I wouldn't have let Rider die!" - Tears rolled down on my cheeks. - "If you think I am powerful, yes... you might be right. But try and live a life while you know that anyone who have died in your family can take control of your body and just push you aside at any time. It's maddening."

Because that's what it was. Maddening.

Meanwhile at Onyx

Of course, Onyx was very mad at Spirit for bringing the whole thing up with Anouck, and to be honest, she felt a little bit like she actually wanted to tell her what had happened that caused her hate towards the boy.

She walked towards the main building, when Anouck appeared from the woods, and blocked her way.

"Can I talk to you? Just the two of us?" - He asked. Onyx almost reached for her sword, but decided that there would be no good outcomes, if she and he would start a physical fight. Onyx wanted to be allies with Spirit, and she knew that if she harms Anouck, Spirit would be upset. After all he got her ready for the postaquam, and Spirit was one of the people, who grew to trust the people who help them. She was terribly naive, and Onyx found it hard to believe that she managed to kill everyone around her, but herself, even though the people, who got killed were all used to the magical world, and knew the laws of the consilium. 

"There is nothing we could talk about." - She shook her head, and lowered her hands. 

"Now, see? That's where you're wrong, Onyx. I have many things to tell you, but you constantly push me away, not letting me close. I don't wanna hurt you." - His eyes were blue as the ocean, and his blondish-brown hair waved in the wind. His honey colored skin was bare on his shoulders, and even in his torn clothes, he looked like he just stepped off a painting. Still, Onyx could not put aside the past. Anouck might be very attractive, and he might use kind words on her, but she knew him well enough...

"I don't want to hear what you have to say!" - She burst out. The memory of the only person she have ever truly loved sneaked into her memory. - "You killed Melchiorre! You killed him!"

That was the truth. Anouck took part in the postaquam a couple years ago.

 He had been the champion for years and years. He had the destiny of a gladiator, the people whispered. Back then, Onyx didn't really care about the whole thing. She was living in the Fairy Kingdom, called Eirian.

The only thing she didn't understand was that the consilium didn't have any laws against tortures. Her mother, Lilith had tortured her for years as a child, until her father had rescued her from her mother's terror. Those years were spent in fear. Her scars were fresh, and the molten aquamarine that Lilith had poured into the wound on her back still felt strange. The wound was the shape of the Faerydae clan's symbol. By now, the thin layer of aquamarine had adjusted into her skin, and formed a tattoo under her skin. However, she knew that no matter how it looks, it still carried the memories of pain. 

She had many nightmares, and the memories wouldn't let her be. 

One time she was taking a walk in the garden, when she ran into a guard. He was tall and fair, visibly belonged to the fairies of light, with his blonde hair, and light green eyes. He was visibly older a little bit than Onyx was. 

But they just stood there, staring at each other for a long moment. She felt like there was something he just wanted to tell her, so she turned towards him. Her long dress - that she wasn't used to yet at all - was white and purple, and looking at the guard, she could feel that he didn't see her as a person, but as the child of the king. 

"My Lady, you shouldn't be out at these times. I heard you are sick." - He said. Onyx wasn't sick, she just couldn't sleep.

"I am perfectly fine. May I ask your name?" 

"My name is Melchiorre Springleaf. I am the guard captain of the gardens." - He introduced himself. A faint smile spread across Onyx's lips.

"You needn't be so polite with me, Melchiorre." - She said, and could feel this strange feeling in her chest. The long sleeves and the scarf covered her scars, but she still felt insecure, as she looked at him.

"But, my Lady... you are the princess of Eirian." - He said it, like it was a huge insult to tell him that he could be friendly. That made Onyx laugh a little. She was surprised, because she didn't think anyone could make her laugh so spontaneously. 

"I am just the bastard daughter of the King, dear Melchiorre. I have no royal titles, nor see the need to be called Lady." - She said, but she felt a little sad. Onyx had loved her father, and if there could be one thing she could wish for would be that she could be the legal daughter of Ealdun. But sadly, that only was given to her half-sister, Faylinn, who was just a year younger than she was. 

"If you are so against me calling you lady, then what name do you go by?" - He asked. The sun shone above their heads, piercing through the leaves of the forest above their head. Melchiorre's armor reflected the warm, late spring sun, his hair seemed like it was molten gold, and the green in his eyes were the color of the first leaves of spring at March. 

"Call me Onyx." - She said.

"Ah, the black jewel. A perfect name for a princess." - Melchiorre.

That was how they met, a tale that none of them could ever tell. The guard and the princess met secretly every time, and they kept it as a secret, knowing that even though Onyx was only the bastard daughter of Ealdun, their love could never be fulfilled. 

But then, everything went wrong: their secret got out, and Ealdun sent the guard off to Hell-Blossom, to fight for his life. Onyx left Eirian, and decided to go after Melchiorre, so when he becomes free of his sins - which seemed like the only option to her, since she had seen him as an unbeatable knight - they could be together again. Moths have passed with planning about the escape from Eirian. 

However on her way, she was caught by Lilith, and forced to kill a fallen angel. For that, she was captured and dragged to Hell-Blossom. They tied her up in the Arena on a podium, and when they let the fairy-guard in, the guards of Hell-Blossom put a blade to her throat. Melchiorre looked at her with total shock and horror, he couldn't believe his eyes.

But then, the other door opened, and a young man sprinted towards the frozen fairy. Front of Onyx, Anouck sliced Melchiorre's throat open, and the fairy collapsed while his spring-colored eyes were still on Onyx. 

She cried, screamed, but the Hell-Blossom guard held her tight. The killer of her love looked at her, and she swore that she would revenge her love's death. 

She had fought for two years, killing many of the other attendants. She had never lost, however, her wish to attend the postaquam against Anouck had never came true. 

He eventually disappeared from the Arena. Many had said that he had became a concubine of some noble woman, while others said he had earned his freedom. Then, the truth had leaked out, saying that he is a servant in the palace, and goes by the name: Melchiorre. That made Onyx's blood boil.

The past was there, and Anouck now stood before her, asking her to listen to what he has to say. But she felt no need to know what lied beneath his intentions to go by the name of her only love. That couldn't be forgiven, no matter what the cause was. He had killed Melchiorre years ago.

"Yes, I have killed that Fairy Guard." - He confessed, which was not needed. She had seen everything with her own eyes. 

"You took his name." - She said. Anouck lowered his gaze. He didn't want to be the one to tell the truth about Melchiorre to Onyx.

Rejection

I was rushing through the corridors, leaving everyone behind. I knew where can I find the dungeons: I have spent weeks there after all.
But this time the dungeons were quiet, no one was screaming, no one was crying...The walls were stone- cold and dry. The corridors were dark, but as I ran my fingers on the wall while rushing deeper and deeper into the stomach of the place, my eyes slowly got used to the place. At one of the doors, I bumped into Haniel.

"Is he here?" - I asked hurriedly, and when he nodded, I tore the door open. But I wasn't ready to see what was waiting for me inside.
Joel was laying there on a stone table, his skin white as marble, dried blood on his neck. The veins formed thin, blue lines under his skin, and his blue eyes were wide open. It was like I was back in the arena, and he just died while I made hopeless efforts to save him.
As I walked up to him, my hands were shaking with fear. This was not natural. He had been dead for weeks by now, but he looked like he just died an hour ago.
I ran my fingers down his cheek, and I felt a small zap, like an electrical shock. I pulled my hand back, but I felt what Haniel and Morgen was talking about. Joel was still there. I closed my eyes, just like when I wanted to reach into Rider, to feel his flame. I cupped Joel's cold face in my hands, and touched our foreheads. At first, there was nothing I could reach with my powers. Then, I remembered that I have something that belongs to Joel.

When I let out the dragon, it wrapped around me, and rested its huge, flaming head on my shoulder. At that moment, Rufus came into the room, and saw me with the dragon. He took a step back so my powers won't reach him. I couldn't see him with my eyes, because my eyes were still closed... I only knew that it was him in the room, and that he didn't know if he should come closer or no, because I felt him.
The dragon raced through the room, and then plunged into Joel's body. But the heat was still present. But Joel was still cold. I opened my eyes, and brushed his hair out of the way.

"Joel?" - I asked, holding his face in my hands. I have given back to him what was his. The wound on his neck was healed, only the blood made it look like it wasn't. But under the dried blood, he was healthy... and still dead. I started to panic. I pressed my hand on his chest to see if his heart was beating, but as soon as I did so, pain struck my palm, like someone stabbed it with a knife. I screamed, and when I pulled my hand away, Joel's shirt had a bloody hand print. I raised my hand to my eyes, and saw that the pentagram was carving itself into my skin. Hurriedly, I ripped Joel's shirt open to see if it was happening to him as well... it was. But he wasn't bleeding. There was no blood left in his veins to bleed from.

When the pentagram carved itself into his skin, his eyes flew open. But these eyes weren't the eyes I used to know. A yellow circle hugged his pupil. He was gasping for air, and coughed, like he was choking all over again.
Then he noticed me in the room, and threw himself at me. Joel knocked me off my feet, and bit into my neck, then began to suck the blood out, like a vampire.

Even though he didn't look like he was gonna stop, when Cassiel burst into the room, and tried to pull Joel off of me, I stopped him.

"No! He needs blood." - I shouted as loud as I could. I felt Joel trembling, like he was cold, but also, I felt his skin warm under my fingers. The blue lines under his skin began to fade, and the porcelain white skin turned into a healthy, peach color. - "Get out!" - I shouted. I didn't want anyone be near, when he will stop, because an inner voice told me that he won't be fully aware of himself.

Soon, I heard the door shut, and the lock click. I quickly whispered a pray to thank whoever was watching upstairs that my brothers trusted my instincts enough to don't even question, when I say get out.
Joel let out a beast like groan, when he looked up. my blood was dripping from his full lips. He was shaking, and backed away. Another groan left his mouth as he crouched up.

I sat up as well, and pulled my legs under myself. Joel was crouching there front of me, and he was alive. Maybe not exactly what I expected, but he was there. I reached my hand out, but he backed away until his back hit the wall. I didn't move, just left my hand in a reached out position. I felt the hot blood running down my neck, and soak into my t-shirt. That gave me an idea.
switched hands and reached my wounded hand towards him. Blood was dripping from my palm, and hunger littered in his new eyes. Joel slowly came closer and closer until he was just an inch away from my hand. Then, he took my hand with both of his and licked off the blood. The wound began to sizzle where his tongue touched it. I cried out in pain, because it hurt terribly.

Hearing my painful cry, Joel looked up, and the old him glittered in his weird, orange-blue eyes. He took my face in his hand, and touched our foreheads together, like he couldn't talk. Then, I felt it. His heart began beating again. At first, it was one, lazy beat. Then another. And another. Faster and faster, until it was beating regularly. His eyes were closed, but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was holding my wounded hand in one hand, and my face in the other. He was couching, and I was sitting on the ground. I reached up to his head with my free hand, and wrapped it around his back.

I did it, he was here. It was him again. The first teardrop rolled down on my cheek. He opened his eyes, and the yellow part was all gone. But his eyes were bloodshot, still beast like.
I stroked his back, but his stare gave me the chills.

I could swear it was like the whole thing was happening in slow motion. At first, his eyelashes fluttered, and then they closed. His lips slightly parted, and then his muscles began to relax one by one. His body hit the ground with a thud, and hi didn't move anymore. Panic rushed through my system. Fear of the death of this guy I barely know. This guy, who died because of me, and this boy, who came back to life. It couldn't possibly be that he just dies like this.

The door opened, and Rufus rushed into the room. I took a step aside. I think I've done enough in this. I have caused enough damage to the Severio family.

"Come, I think he needs to rest." - Darren said, and something strange glittered in his eyes. I think it was happiness, but I couldn't really tell. Beside him, Onyx was waiting. She took my hand.

"I'll take care of her." - She offered. I thought we would go back to my room, but that's not what Onyx had in mind. Just as we left the dungeons, she grabbed her bag from the stairs. - "I found out where the library is. Apparently, it's unused, and old, but the older it is, the better books we would find in there. The only problem is that the library is not in the building. It is another building about a mile or so in the forest. That's where a Green house is, and right by that we will find the library, and a small house, where the book keeper used to live." - My neck was hurting very badly, and the blood was still dripping from my hand, where the pentagram re-carved itself into my palm. I felt fatigue spreading through me. I just wanted to sleep.

"That's great, Onyx. Can we check it out tomorrow? I am not really in the best shape..." - I murmured.

"Oh, I already thought about that." - She took out bandages from her bag, and wrapped my hand tightly. The corridor was loud of cussing, because the wound on my hand hurt very badly. Then, Onyx whispered something, and spread an ointment on her hand, then basically slapped her hand against my neck. The ointment burned, and felt terrible, plus the slap didn't do much good for my nerves.

"Holy shit, what the hell are you doing?!?" - I yelled when she finally took her hand away, but when I touched the wound, my fingers couldn't find it: there was only smooth skin behind. But I have to give her that: I was back to shape except the fact that my hand was hurting, and burning like there was fire licking it.

"Better?" - She asked, and swung the bag over her shoulder. I nodded, and she turned towards the closest door.

"What was that stuff you slapped on me?" - I asked. She turned back, grinning.

"Nephilims and angels have the green flames of healing, and the fairies have their own way of healing." - She said it like I was supposed to know that.
We left the castle. The forest was cold as hell, and soon, I was shivering, but Onyx just walked forward.
In about twenty minutes, we reached a huge greenhouse, similar to the one back in the LA institute. But this was still different: The windows were dirty, and some of the glass was broken. Beside it was a cliff, and no more buildings to be seen. I wanted to stop there, but Onyx lead us into the greenhouse. Inside, it was way different from the LA greenhouse. This one only had one floor, which was placed below the cliff, so you had to walk down on a steep slope as you walked in. On both sides, there were herbs, not tropical plants. The plants were strange and I only noticed lavender and mint. But all the others were unknown for me. I followed Onyx through the house. Clearly, someone told here where is she supposed to find some door or gap where we can cross to the library.

"Who told you about this place?" - I asked. Onyx stopped by a bush of plants with green leafs, and cleared the grass around the plant. She tore a couple leaves off, and stuffed them into a small pocket on her pants.

"Your brother, Ariel. He is the current book keeper, but he only has to protect one book, so he doesn't live here, and neither did any of the book keepers have before him for centuries." - She went on to clear the other little bushes of plants with leafs as colorful as the rainbow. - "For some reason, he doesn't like this place, but I think I could live here."
"The herbs, the sun, and the whole greenhouse is beautiful. Okay, maybe it's a bit rusty, but nothing that I cannot fix." - She smiled at the plants like those were children smiling back at her.

"I never asked... what had happened after I passed out in the Arena?" - I began. I felt bad for changing the subject for something so peaceful as herbs to a violent, and bad memory. She stood up.

"Your brothers immediately stood guard before you as an aid ran to help you. The guards wanted to capture me, but they left you alone. Ambriel stopped them, saying that I deserve my freedom."

"So why didn't you leave?" - I asked.

"Are you kidding me? In the arena, right before we attacked, you told me that you won't fight against me. I have seen what are you capable of. I have seen what the consilium is capable of. I am a half Fairy, half Fledged demon. I don't really belong anywhere... my father kept me by his side, and raised me up, but right now, I have someone I have to find, just like you." - She took a step towards me. - "Spirit, you are strong, and I want to be your ally."

"My ally?" - I asked. She nodded with a serious face, but I could see fear behind her eyes. She was afraid of me. I didn't want an ally who is afraid of me. That would make me look like a monster... - "I have a better idea. Be my friend, rather than my ally. Seems like I lack true friends anyways." - I smiled at her, and she returned my smile.

"Compared to the fact that you are a princess, you are very informal, you know." - She said with a wide grin on her face.

"I have never felt like I am a princess, so why should I act like one?" - I smiled back at her. - "Now, let's get to that fricking library, because I have to find a book."

To be honest, I didn't know what kind of book I was looking for. There were many books on this world that I wanted to read. Maybe I used to be into fantasy novels because deep inside it attracted me, and tried to pull out the real me. But the books that I was looking for now weren't The Mortal Instruments or the Hunger Games. The books I was looking for contained information that were unknown for the human world.

I heard a small noise just from around the corner, when a figure appeared. I pulled my dagger out from it's sleeve, ready to stab. Luckily, I stopped the blade, before it cut into the flesh of the man who made me unable to fight against Onyx.

"Anouck!" - I shouted in surprise. - "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I ran." - He said. His clothes were ripped, and he looked dirty as well, which proved his statement. I remembered how much he hated Hell-Blossom, and working for the Depth-Consilium as a slave. I knew how much he loved the sea, and how much he wanted to get rid of his chains.

"But why didn't you go back to the sea?" - I asked.

"Because they would have found me there. Plus the people whisper that the new Nephilim princess is here." - At the second sentence he smiled at me. - "I thought you might need a hand." - He said he came because of me, but he kept looking at Onyx, and I knew that he actually came to see her.

For a long moment they stared at each other, but none of them said a thing. I could see the longing in Anouck's eyes, but in Onyx's face, no emotion reflected whatsoever. The silence became a little uncomfortable so I cleared my throat.

"Onyx, this is Anouck. He is a friend of mine, and he was the one who dressed me for the postaquam. He is actually very nice." - I tried to break the ice, but Onyx was emotionless. She just stared, and didn't move. So I thought I have to use the ultimate card that I had in possession. - "It was him, who told me about your before the postaquam, and told me that he is worried about you."

"He doesn't know me." - Onyx replied quickly.

"You know him?" - I asked. Onyx nodded, but it was almost like a twitch of her head. - "Why are you acting so strange then?"

"I hate him." - Now that was a response that I did not expect. I guessed it would be the best if I figure out, and possibly in times when Anouck can't hear us. I put an arm on his shoulder.

"I think it would be the best for you to leave now. The main building is twenty minutes away. Tell the guards that I sent you." - Without another word, he left. I could barely finish. By the way he walked, I could tell that he was upset by the things Onyx had said. As soon as he disappeared into the woods, Onyx leaned against a wall, and let out a long breath. - "What the hell was happening between you two? Why do you hate him so much?" - The questions broke out from my chest.

"It's complicated." - She tried to shook it off, and began to walk away. I grabbed her hand, and pulled her back.

"Look, Anouck is my friend... basically you can thank him that I didn't even consider fighting you. Plus, I thought you wanna be my ally. I don't want an ally who keeps secrets from me." - I yelled.

"You said we should be friends, rather than allies." - She responded, and shook my hand off. - "And friends respect the need of silence sometimes!" - She stormed off towards the exit, leaving me behind.

That was true, I was a terrible friend to begin with.
Not that I had many experiences, but to be honest, I felt that she didn't want to talk about this with Anouck. But I just had to know, because Anouck was a nice guy, and he deserved happiness. Plus I thought maybe Onyx was lonely too.
But, it is possible that I was wrong. I am not familiar with the way creatures think here. Maybe there are reasonable answers to the fact that she just don't want to be even around him, nor talk to him.

However, the fact that I offended Onyx left me with the challenge to find the Library on my own.

Never Forget - You Owe Your Life to the Severios

My brain worked in slow motion. I have tried to come up whit an idea to find Iris, but I was where I began the search... If not in a worst situation. Now that I have almost killed Michael, which had thousands of witnesses in the arena, everyone blamed his death on me. That became obvious when Onyx and I began searching for the library. Many eyes looked at me like I was a freak.
Being a freak among the freaks is really something. Not sure, if it's a good thing though.

Of course, the people all knew that it couldn't be me, who killed Michael, but when we ran into Ambriel, he called me aside. He was wearing a huge, sand colored cape over his earth toned clothes. His boots were made of brown leather, and his hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the base of his head.
He wore a crown, which looked like just a garland made of golden branches. It was thin, but surely a masterpiece. Every branch was smith with care, and grace.

"Spirit, I have to talk to you about something..." - He said, and pulled me away to another corridor, so Onyx couldn't hear our conversation.

"What is it?" - I asked.

"Are you feeling better? Ariel told me he brought you to your room, but Cassiel said you were not fully recovered." - He began.

"Ariel did show me to my room, and it is wonderful." - I pulled off father's hands from my shoulders. - "I had a little breakdown in the morning, but I am feeling fine, I swear." - Hearing that, he took a deep breath, and smiled at me, but that smile was not honest at all. I could see on his eyes that he was worried.

"There is something else." - He began.

"I thought so."

"Yes, the consilium wants you to meet with the new council." - The blood froze in my veins. I imagined a man, just like Michael, staring at me with cold eyes, measuring me, thinking about how much of a threat I am. - "But before that happens, we have to make sure you cant kill while you are not in the same room as he is."

"Okay, first of all, what the fuck?! It is impossible to kill anyone like that. Secondly, I cannot kill. I am physically not able to take a person's life. I mean look at me! I broke down mentally, because my sister was tortured, and because I saw two of my friends die..." - I twitched as the memory sprinted through my mind. I tried to close out the picture of Joel's wide eyes, silently begging me for help as he slowly choked on his own blood, and Rider's emotionless, staring eyes with no life behind them. I felt tears run down my cheeks as the memory struck me. No no no, get out! Get out of my head! I repeated, and tried to think of something better, like flowers, and garlands... Garlands, yes.. I looked at my father's crown, and imagined that once it was part of a golden tree... that's it, distract yourself... 

But just when I thought I was fine, I saw Joel pass by us. He was taller, but when our eyes met, I was sure that it was him. Immediately, my hands reached for his arm. He turned around, and our eyes met, but the man wasn't him. Just his eyes. But those eyes were the exact copy of Joel's.

"Joel..." - I whispered. The man stared at me for a long moment, with great sadness glittering in his eyes.

"No, child. I am not Joel. He is... was my son." - My eyes widened. This was Joel's father... then he must be a demon, since his mother was the angel. But what kind of business demons have here in the Sub-Consilium? That didn't make sense.
The man and I just stared at each other for a long moment, then he looked at my father.

"Ambriel, glad to see you again." - He nodded towards my father.

"You too, Rufus."

Rufus turned back at me. - "What is your name, child? Did you know my son?"

"My name is Spirit Princeps, I am the youngest daughter of Lord Ambriel." - As soon as he heard my name, anger caught on fire behind his eyes, and the sadness was pushed behind the incredible amount of blood-lust, and anger.

"You are the girl who marked my son." - He noted. I raised my wounded hand, where the thin outlines of the pentagram that used to connect me with him were still visible, but only a little. He saw it, even through the burns and other wounds. I have no explanation for this man, the father of the boy who tried to save my life, and help me through my journey. I can give Rufus no kind words that could heal the wound of a lost son.

"I am the girl who marked him, and he was the boy, who marked me. I gave up a couple days of my life to save him, but then he had to give up his entire life to atone what I have messed up." - I said in a small voice. Rufus took my hand in his, examining the wound. - "I cannot make the sorrow less painful in your heart, because I have no excuse... his death was my fault entirely, and I am not asking you for forgiveness." - Rufus looked up at me. His eyes were wet with tears. Tears, that only a loving father would shed for his beloved son. - "But I am truly sorry. I owe my life to the Severio clan, my Lord. And not just to Joel. Darren guided me, and Stephen gave me shelter, when I tried to find my sister."

At that moment, Stephen appeared from behind his father. His eyes were swollen, and red from crying. He reminded me of a little boy I have seen once in the diner, where I worked back before all this madness began. That boy just lost his mother, and his big brother brought him to the diner a week later, hoping that it would cheer him up. Obviously, there was nothing any of us could do, but we still tried, feeling very bad for the little boy.

"There are things in life that one cannot control. You, child, were not in a position to decide upon his faith at the time. I can see that you mean no harm to anybody. My son, Darren, had told me that, but back then I couldn't believe his words. I told myself, 'How could a girl mean no harm, who is able to preform a forbidden ritual?' But now, I see it in your eyes." - Lord Rufus said. - "You didn't ask for my forgiveness, and you won't get it just like that. But you are a true Princeps. I hope you will still remember that you owe the Severio clan when it comes down to that."

"Lord Rufus, I never forget." - I answered. He didn't smile at me, just nodded.

Now, looking at Stephen, again, I wanted to do anything in my power to dry up his tears. I reached for his hand, and he let me take it.

"Come with me." - I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at Lord Rufus before pulling him away, as if asking for approval. After all, I just caused the death of one of his sons. If I were in his place, I wouldn't let any of my sons near myself. Instead of him, Ambriel answered.

"Go on, daughter. You have much to explain to this boy." - Hearing that, I pulled Stephen after myself, I didn't know where to go. Onyx tried to join us, but I told her that I had to handle this alone.

After a short thinking, I decided that in my room, nobody would hear me confess all the things that had happened to us, and all the things Stephen had to know. As I closed the door behind us, he broke down immediately. He dropped on the couch, and covered his face. His shoulders were shaking.

"I told you it's not smart to be his ally." - He whispered. - "And I was right you know. But not the way I thought I was. It was him, who should have been more careful."

His words cut through me like knives, but he was right. I have preformed black magic, and even though I have sacrificed some of my own life-spam, that is nothing, nothing, compared to the fact that he had to die.

"That's right." - I couldn't say more, because I was crying as well. Stephen must have heard that, because he looked up, and stared at me in disbelief from the other side of the room. - "I have been a huge burden to all of you. But I didn't mean to cause his death. You know that."

"Yes. I know you are harmless." - He wiped off his tears. - "At least as long as you are controlling your actions... you might be mad at me for this, but when we met, I read your mind: Your memories, your feelings, your thoughts... everything. It was just for safety, of course. I expected a broken warrior, with wounds, and a determined expression, but I met a girl with confused mind, and huge eyes, full of fear. You were just so hopeless... as I looked through your mind, I saw that you apologized Morgen at the practice after every punch or kick. You were like an innocent, scared White Zebra Finch."- He didn't take his eyes off of me, and I couldn't stop crying. I took shaking breaths, and tried to wipe the tears off of my face, but the tears just wouldn't stop coming. - "You couldn't even hit anyone without feeling guilt."

"I was scared. I am scared. Stephen, I wasn't born to be part of this world. I wasn't meant to face the terror of these people." - I said, and wiped the fresh tears off of my face with the sleeves of my red sweater. - "I know that this doesn't bring Joel back, and that I can't give him back to you." - Stephen walked to me, and hugged me tightly.

"Even though I have not forgave you yet, I don't like to see you like this. You are a good person, Spirit, maybe too good for this world. But you have to learn to handle these situations." - He said. I went to Stephen, and sat down beside him.

"I tried. When he fell, I caught him... I tried to heal his wounds, but I am just too slow, and not skilled enough... I am sorry." - I looked at my hands, and they felt like Joel's blood was still covering them. I began counting in my head, and when that didn't help, I tried to tell myself it's not real... none of those worked. Stephen took my hands in his, and led me to the bathroom. He turned the tap on, and held my hand under the warm water.

"Then, I saw a confused girl. Now I see a girl full of fear, terror, and madness." - Stephen looked at me with his red eyes, but the little boy I have seen in the corridors were gone.

"You have read my thoughts again." - I realized.

"Does it bother you?" - He asked. - "If it does, I'll stop doing that."

"It does bother me. Can't you just wait until I tell you the things I have in my mind?" - I asked, and turned off the tap, then wiped my hands in a towel. They still felt dirty, but it was much better.

"Then tell me what happened." - He said. We went back to the couch, and I began talking. He deserved that much. He deserved to know who his bother really was, and how he died. And Joel deserved that his story should be told. Stephen listened to my every word carefully. When I finished, a long silence spread across the room.
Then I remembered the dragon. I stood up. Stephen looked at me with strange eyes. I planned on showing him the flares that I could capture with my fingers, like Joel did. I wanted to show him that I still have a connection, but right at that moment, Cassiel basically fell through the door.

"Morgen has arrived. He says the Depth-Consilium still has Joel's body, and he is not dead." - Be both stared at him in disbelief.

"What?" - We asked at the same time.

"An angel of Death came, because his soul had not been found. It's partially bound to his body." - Cassiel jabbered. Stephen stood up, and it seemed like they knew what that meant, but I didn't.

Even though, I felt light inside. It was warming up my cold limbs. I think that was how hope felt like.

You Can Wash It Off

The bloody tears, and the demonic reflection in Remiel's eyes wasn't me. But it wasn't Iris either. It was just some kind of illusion, however the pain was real. The blood was real... just the fact that both of us -Iris and I - were loosing ourselves was too much.

Floating in that blackness, I could see Iris's face front of me with the bloody tears. It floated just inches away from me, driving me mad. I tried to close it out, but sometimes she cried, or screamed, due to the type of torture she was going through...

Someone was screaming, but the voice was grotesque, almost animal like. It wasn't Iris... I tried to relax and shut it out, but it kept sneaking into my bubble, pushing towards the surface of consciousness. I didn't want to wake up, because there were bad people, bad pictures, bad visions, sorrow, pain, troubles, and worst of all I would have to tell people what is happening to me.

I would have to tell them why am I screaming.

The truth is, it wasn't me screaming. Of course the voice came out from my mouth, but it wasn't me who was being tortured. 

Sometimes, when the pain was so incredibly intense that it almost woke me up, I could hear voices. Voices talking.. 

They mostly told each other to hold my hands tighter until they can put the cuffs on me, or saying that it would be better if Ambriel didn't let me suffer, and just killed me out of mercy.

Sometimes when the pain became unbearable I almost agreed with them, but most of the time, I could shut out the pain. At those moments, I wanted to wake up and tell them I am still here, and it's not me who is yelling and screaming through my mouth.

Of course, none of them would care. None of them knew what was going on. Only my family members knew why did I kept myself unconscious, and screamed even though I was asleep. They knew, and they hated the situation. 

One time, Ariel sat beside me. At that time, Iris was giving me a break so I wasn't crying, screaming, shaking, nor whispering stuff I didn't even know what it meant. They were in latin, and i didn't understand. Anyway, at that time, I was actually calm, and from the outside I must have been looking like just an average girl asleep, not a mental wreck.

"Spirit, I don't know if you can hear me..." - he began. At first I wasn't sure at first if it was Cassiel, or Ariel, but when he continued, it cleared the situation. - "I think this is probably the worst possible time for me to introduce who I am. Cassiel have talked about you so much since he met you, but ever since you arrived in Hell-Blossom, I never had the chance to talk to you. I am your other brother, Ariel." - he taljed for hours about how he remembers of me being a baby, and that he hates that we had to grow up so far from each other. He talked about how Ambriel was so pessimistic about the search for Iris and me. He went on and on, but eventually his voice began to fade as I began to sink back into the depth of my mind, because I could feel that Iris was coming for another Screaming Concert.

I felt Ariel kiss my forehead, and a couple minutes later Iris began to shout. She was screaming something about butterflies with burning wings. I didn't understand, and there was no way anyone did.

And then, as the days passed, Iris took over fewer and fewer times, until she didn't appear anymore. To be honest, I hope she finally found peace, and left this world, because after a torture like that, she must have mental disorders at least. I know I sound mean, but I felt her pain, at least some of it, and it was clear that the pain was most likely more unbearable since she experienced it from first hand. 

Just un case, I remained asleep for three more days.

But Iris didn't come anymore. As I tried to get to the surface of the darkness, I felt soneone holding my hand.  Warm hands, big and rough. Whoever it was, he held my hands tenderly with one hand, and stroked my hair with the other. The door opened and closed, and I heard footsteps.

"Lord Ariel, You should be up in your chamber. This area is off limits for everybody except the medics during the night." - A voice said, and I felt the hand tighten on my fingers. It didn't hurt - after all that torture I felt through my sister, I wasn't even sure of what was painful, and what was just a touch... there were great differences of what I found painful, and what my sister did. Obviously, she was way tougher, and stronger than I was. 

I tightened my grip on his hand as well, so he could feel that I didn't want him to leave me here alone. I was afraid in the silence, because even though I could wake up fully if I wanted to, I was still defenseless with my tied arms and legs. 

Ariel now held my hands with both of his, because he clearly thought I was going to have an attack again. I haven't felt Iris for three days, and I really wanted him to stick around, so I could tell him that I have heard every tale, every story, every memory, every wish, and every secret he had shared with me. I wanted him to know that I have missed him, even though we have never met before, I wanted to tell him all about me, and tell him that I am thankful for him talking to me, because like that, I didn't feel like I was alone with Iris in that terrible place, and I think Iris felt his presence as well. But then sadness took over my heart... I couldn't feel or hear Iris anymore. She was gone. There was a great chance that she died, but I couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't able to find her.

"Let me stay by her..." - Ariel whispered. - "She needs me."

Ariel understood me through just one squeeze on his arm. The person left the room without another word. We were alone again, and Ariel began stroking my hair again.

"Three days ago." - I whispered out loud, which surprised Ariel so much, his hand stopped midair. - "I can't feel Iris." - I slowly opened my eyes. I felt tears rolling down on my cheeks. Ariel wiped them off, and for the first time in days, my tears were clear. No blood, just salty water. 

"I know." - Ariel said, and unclasped the fetters on my hands and legs. - "Some days after you told Father that Michael was behind the disappearance of Iris, and your screams became unbearably painful, he sent his men to search Michael's residence. They found him dead in the basement, and just like you said, there were terrible instruments of torture. But Iris was gone. When they came back, no more screams left your mouth, and you haven't cried in your sleep either."

"Why can't I feel her?" - I asked, and I pulled my legs up on the bed. I was shaking, but I wasn't sure why.

"Our men found several bottles full of demon blood. Most likely, Michael injected the blood into Iris." - He said. 

"Yes, that's correct. It burns..." - I twitched to the vivid memory of the acidic demon blood spreading through me.

"Now, you might not know this, but demon blood eats up the angelic blood, and pushes out the human blood, replacing it with itself, turning the person into a Full-Fledged demon. The process is painful, and it's very rare that the prospect of the experiment survives this procedure. Usually, the prospect bleeds out way before the demon blood has the chance to replace the lost amount." - Ariel pushed his glasses a little higher. He licked his lips nervously - "After bleeding out, the prospect becomes a monster, with no control. So, either the person becomes a Full-Fledged demon, which means she keeps her memories, some of her humanity, morals, and she has feelings, but evil will leave a mark on whatever she does, or she becomes a monster, with no limits, just blood lust. The prospect of such an experiment never dies, but can lost her soul during the time. Considering the fact that she had been missing for quite a while by now; about a month, it is possible that she is a Full-Fledged demon by now, and that's why she had the power to broke out, and murder Michael."

"But you don't believe that." - I whispered as I realized that he was saying this whole thing so unsure. - "You think she bled out too fast, don't you?" - He just nodded. I covered my eyes, and felt the tears roll down my cheeks, but I wasn't sobbing. I couldn't. - "What will happen to her now?" - I asked.

"Right now, we let her be, but if the patrols note that in their area she appeared and killed, they have the right to illuminate her as fast as they can." - He sighed.

"You said the demon blood eats up the angel blood, and pushes out the human blood. So why can't I feel her? She must be still suffering." 

"It's most likely has to do something with the blood. Even though you still share similar DNA codes, the blood is fully different. She is now a demonic being, while you are an angelic Grigori. You can't feel her, because she isn't our sister anymore." - I didn't know how that worked, but I was sure that my biology teacher would be even more confused about this, since he knew how DNA worked/ I just knew that this couldn't be right. 

And then, a thought that haven't crossed my mind up until now spread across my head.

"Does Stephen know what had happened to Joel?" - I asked in husky voice, because my throat was ached, I wanted to cry, but I knew that I had no right to cry right now. Joel died because I was stupid, because I couldn't control my powers, because I am an amateur. 

I was curse, and he had to suffer for my mistakes. 

"No, but Father called the consilium together to discuss Michael's case. Since he is dead, Razziel will take his place. She is a Throne. Darren is part of the Sub-Consilium, and since he is coming, Cassiel asked him to bring Stephen along, because we have news that he should hear as well."

"I want to tell him." - I sighed. - "It is my responsibility."

Ariel just nodded, and then stood up. I looked up to him, and I saw his reached out hand. 

"Come on, I show you to your room." - He said.

"Isn't this my room?" 

"Are you kidding? This is in the dungeons." - He smiled. I took his hand, and he pulled me up, but I fell, because my feet couldn't hold me. My ankles were swollen, and red from the fetters and bruised as well. Ariel reached down for me, and helped me up again. He didn't pick me up, just helped me walk.
We were walking for quite a while, and my bare feet basically froze off because the smooth stone floor was sold as ice. After about twenty minutes, we stopped front of a door, and on this level, the floor was not stone, but wood, and looked more like it was from this century.

"Is this is?" - I asked hopefully.

"No, this is Cassiel's room." - He said. - "Yours is between his and Iris'. My room is right beside her room, so I will be right here, if you feel Iris again, or something else's wrong. Father's room is at the end of the hallway, but he is usually not there, but in the hall where the Sub-Consilium holds the meetings. I will show it to you tomorrow, alright?"

"Yes." - We walked me to my door, and gave me the key.

"Until you figure out how to close out the others from your head, you shouldn't lock the door when you are alone inside." - He suggested, and I nodded, however it was clear that I wouldn't accept the advice. There was no way I would sleep with an open door while I am here. I know a wooden door won't hold back my enemies, whoever they might be, but it gave me some peace.

I opened the door, and Ariel left me there to explore it by myself. The room was a bit too fancy for my taste, but it was better than I expected. In my mind, I had this picture of medieval rooms in a medieval castle - fuck logic, right? But, I was wrong, and the room was actually very nice, and modern.

And there was a bathroom!!! I had been aching for a good bath for a while by now, and I finally had the chance to shower, and scrub off the blood from my hands. Not just mine, but Joel's and Rider's blood was still there. If not on my hand, then under my nails, or stuck in the corners of my nails. Just knowing that their blood was on my hands made me feel I just have to scrub it off, because then, maybe the responsibility won't be so heavy on my shoulders. Of course, that was stupid, because even though their blood will no longer stain my hands physically, it will be there mentally, and I will remember this for the rest of my life, hating my stupidity, and carelessness.

I wished that I could make this right. That I could turn this avalanche of events into something good. But could I really make up something to someone who is already dead out of my mistake? Probably not.

I could feel the arms of powers reach out from the inner core, and wrap around my body protectively. I could feel him there in those arms. Rider was there with me, even though I only had a bit of his essence in that shard of power that I inherited from him through our bond.
The water in the tub was hot, and as I scrubbed my face and hands, the foam of the soap became pink from the blood. I felt disgusted of myself. The shame, the mistakes, the guilt... that I cannot scrub off no matter how hard I try.

I sat in the bathtub until the sun began to rise. The water was freezing cold by that time, but I couldn't care. However, the sight from my bathroom somewhat scared me. There was snow on the mountain sides, and countless of pines.
I have to admit that I have never seen snow before in my entire life. That was an unknown thing for a southern girl, like me. Of course, I have seen it on TV, and read about it in textbooks, and such... but it was just as unknown for me as magic used to be.

I slowly raised my hand from underwater, and stared at my wrinkled fingers. Thinking about that I have felt the warmth of Rider's skin, and high-five-d Joel after jokes... that with these hands I have changed their lives, and not for the better... it was just terrifying. I heard a faint knock on the door.

"Yes?" - I called out, as I reached for my towel to get out from the bathtub.

Cassiel opened the door just as I wrapped the towel around myself. He let out a relieved sigh.

"You look much better now." - He pointed out.

"Iris' pain is gone, yes." - I said, but I couldn't look Cass in the eyes. He didn't understand that all the things, terrible things that have been happening around here were my faults. I was the one to blame for the deaths of at least three people. Plus there were the ones who were killed when the demons came to kidnap Iris... I don't even know how many of them are there... and then, just to expand the list, there is the slave who got me ready for the postquam... I don't know what had happened to him, but even if not out of my fault, he was suffering. To me, he had a name, and I could connect that name with a face, and a kind gesture towards me. He was an honest man... and there is that girl I was supposed to fight: Onyx. I never got to know what had happened to her after I passed out either.... what about Haniel? Did he survive at least? Or Morgen?
The fact that I have been ignoring these names and mourning over only two, made me sick. They were humans as well, and they all lent me a helping hand, and I just ignored them. How selfish can I be?

"I am glad to hear that." - Cassiel smiled, but I shook my head.

"You shouldn't be." - I whispered.

"What?" - To is confused tone, I looked up.

"So you have no idea what happened, do you? Michael is dead, and Iris is gone. By the fact that I do not feel her pain means that either she became a full-fledged demon, or worse, but doesn't matter, because either way, she isn't our sister anymore." - My body was shaking, and not just because I was cold. A hot teardrop rolled down on my cheek. - "You don't understand!" -I yelled. Cassiel came up tome, and put his hands on my shoulders, but I shook him off. - "I failed her! She asked me to help her, she begged me!" - I sobbed.

"You did everything you could." - Cassiel said.

"It wasn't enough!" - I sat down at the corner of the room, and covered my face in my hands, and just sobbed. I wasn't enough to find Iris, nor to keep Rider safe, and sure as hell not enough to escape the fatal meeting with Lilith that led to Joel's death.
Those three names again. Just like waltzing: One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three.
Maybe I was going mad.
Another figure appeared at the doorway. Short, with long, dark hair, dressed in black clothes. She came up to me, and pulled me up from the ground. Standing up, I was already taller than her by 9 inches at least. She slapped me, but not too hard: just strong enough to pull me back to the present.

"I had enough of your whining! Where is the girl, who was standing there in the arena with me? Where is the girl, who summoned her beloveds' soul, and called them to life? Where is the girl, who turned against the consilium?" - She yelled at me. Her words struck me like lightning.

"That wasn't me." - I murmured. The truth is that Iris was there when I was in the arena. She was present in my head, moving my body instead of me. I had a mental breakdown after Joel dying between my hands, and the feel of Rider's cold body. - "The girl, who asked you to kill her... that was me. The girl, who is standing front of you... that is me. This is me. I am no hero, nor a rebel... I have been trying to fit into this madness, but I can't!"

They both stared at me. Cassiel with sympathy, and Onyx with disgust.

"So you just gonna break down, and wander around in the rooms of Skydown for the rest of your days, like a Zombie? That is your great plan?" - Onyx asked. That actually was my great plan, but now that she said it out loud, it sounded like I was terribly weak, and there was no point for my existence.  And was there anything that wasn't true in what she was saying? No. She was right from the beginning to end.

"I don't know what else is out there for me." - I admitted. - "I have to get away from people. The ones I know, and the ones I don't. I can't control my powers, and everyone, who gets to know me better ends up dead. I don't want that!" - I felt like a little kid, after a terrible nightmare. I have never felt so useless in my entire life. Not even when had to begin my training with Morgen, and I failed over and over again. - "There are people I love out there, and they need to get away from me..." - I whispered. I wanted to know what had happened to Anouck, and Morgen, and all the people I have left behind... like that vampire girl I met in the Institute, who had to face the consilium as well. I was mortified, because her name had already erased from my memory.

"That's not how it works." - Onyx sighed. - "If you can't control your powers, then maybe instead of moving to a place where you can't see anybody, and can't hurt anybody, you should try training."

"Onyx is right." - Cassiel joined the conversation, but we silenced him with just one, synchronized glare. He raised his hands and backed away towards the door. - "Okay, I get it: Unwanted brother in the girl-zone. I get out."

I looked back at Onyx. She was already glaring at me.

"It isn't just you, who went through hell. There are a lot of us, who experienced great pain, and unlike you, we had it from first hand. Yes, you have felt the pain, but your mind only digests some of the information it gets. I have had a fried, who had your powers: the mind-transfer thing. It's called soul-whispering. You can learn to control it."

"My problems are not with the soul-whispering. I have a power to force others to share their powers with me, and bond them to me. That's why a shard of my friends' power became mine after they died. They were both bond to me by accident at one point, but I have unleashed both of them from the bond. I can't even imagine what Michael would have done to someone who was bound to me at the time he met me. Thankfully, there was no one at the time." - I mumbled. - "The real problem is that I cannot decide who I am bonding with. To some point, I can use it, but after that point, the power decides for itself. For example, Joel, the hell-light was not my choice."

"So how does your power decide who does it wanna bound with?" - She asked. Clearly, I have her attention.

"So far, by physical contact, like a handshake, a slap, a kiss, or stuff like that." - I said. As soon as I said it, realization ran through me. Rider and I were bond again... currently bond when he died... and that's why I had the vision of his death.
The night we spent together, he knew what will happen. He knew that he will be bound to me, and when it was sealed, the bond warned me of the death that was just around the corner while we were clueless, sleeping. - "Oh no..."

"What happened." - She asked. I touched the feather necklace. It was warm. There must have been a reason why he wanted to bound us together again... there must be... right? Rider was a clever man, and he didn't do anything without a reason.

"Is there a library here?" - I asked. I have found answers to many questions in the Institute's library before, so there must be some information about soul bonding in some books...

"I don't know." - She smiled at me. - "But you start to look like a living creature, not a zombie. Get dressed, and we will find that library."

What she didn't know was that now I was worried about serious damage in the soul. Not mine, but his. That can cause serious issues in the whole soul-cycling thing.... at least I knew that damaged souls are bad for the environment... or the system... or whatever. I knew this, because my ancestor did. Spiritus, to be exact. I was lucky to be in touch with her, even though she only sent me feelings, and I could never actually talk to her.

I have never felt this much need for a mug of hot latte machiato in my entire life.